Sand

Jokes

What do you call a female sorcerer who puts granulated rocks between bread?

A sand sandwich witch

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At the Custom

There is this young boy living in the border of Venezuela. He is a well known trouble maker and he is well known with the police and the custom officers.

One day, the boy is crossing from Colombia to Venezuela on a bicycle with 2 bags of sand at the back.

The custom guard know this boy well enough and is 100% sure that he is up to something.

They suspect the


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Super sex.

Superman was flying along the beach one day, when he spotted Wonder Woman sunbathing naked. He thought, 'boy, with my super speed, I could fly down there and hit that before she knew what happened'. And that's just what he did. Wham, bam, and a cloud of sand and he was gone. Wonder Woman jumped up and asked, 'what the hell was that?!' And Invisible Man answered, 'I do


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A man is walking along the beach with his wife when he stumbles upon an oil lamp poking from the sand...

Intrigued, the man picks it up and begins to rub the sand off it. To his surprise, a genie emerges from the lamp!

The genie says in a mighty voice, "As a reward for releasing me, I shall grant you three wishes. However, your wife shall receive double of what you ask for."

Without hesitation, the man excitedly says, "I want a brand new sports the car, the be


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Why was the sand wet?

The sea weed.

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My sister asked me to bring her something hard to write on

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Popcorn, ice, sand, water

is my bucket list. What's yours?

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What did the dog say when he sat down on sand paper?

Rough.

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Dog joke

what did the dog say when he sat on the sand paper?

ruff

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A young Arab boy asks his dad....

A young Arab boy asks his dad "what are you wearing on your head?"

The father said: "Why, my son, it is a 'chechia.' In the desert it protects our heads from the intense heat of the sun.”

"And what is the long flowing robe you are wearing?” asked the boy.

“Oh, my son!” exclaimed the father “It is ver


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Went to the beach the other day and I ran into my science teacher. She was there with her sister being buried in the sand. Her entire body was covered except one spot and thats when she yelled...

“Hey! Get Mitosis”

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Three men are lost in the desert with no supplies, when the devil appears before them.

The devil looks at their skin and bones, their cracked lips, and says, “I see you’re in a bit of a rough spot. I can help you - let’s play a little game. You each get one chance to name a task I can’t do. If you succeed, I’ll save you.”

The first man immediately replies, “I bet you can’t build a highway that goes around the entire world!


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Two grains of sand are walking in the desert

Suddenly, the first one stops the other one and whispers to him:
- Dude...I think we're being followed!

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How is your mom's vagina like sand?

It's coarse and rough, it's irritating...

And somehow it gets everywhere.

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A young muslim boy asks his dad " what are you wearing on yout head?"

The father said: "Why, my son, it is a 'chechia.' In the desert it protects our heads from the intense heat of the sun.”

"And what is the long flowing robe you are wearing?” asked the boy.

“Oh, my son!” exclaimed the father “It is very simple. This is a 'djbellah.' As I have told you, in the desert it is not only


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A woman goes for a walk on the beach. She finds a cute little object on the sand. "It's a lamp," she says to herself and starts rubbing it gently.

The lamp gets bigger and bigger. She is very excited to see that something is happening. After a bit, it spills some oil and a genie comes out from underneath the sand.

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Two drunk guys were about to get into a fight. One of them takes a stick, draws a line in the sand, and says to the other, If you cross this line, Ill hit you in the face!

That was the punchline.

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My brother in laws moon sand privileges have been revoked.

He made a picture of squidward but people thought it was something else.

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Once there is a Family Mom, Snow Flake, Grain of sand and Cinder block

Snow Flake asks her mom "Mom why did you call me Snow Flake?"
And her mom replies " Because when you were born a snow flake fell on your forehead."
Then Grain of sand asks "Mom why did you call me Grain of sand?"
And then mom replies " Because when you were born a grain of sand fell on your forehead.
Then cinderblock asks " Aughh Augg


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My sister asked for me to bring her something hard to write on.

Not sure why she's so mad. It's pretty fucking hard to write on sand.

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What do you call a witch who only eats sand?

Malnourished.

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Why is poop on the beach so valuable?

A turd in the sand is worth two in the tush.

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I went to a record shop to buy my dad a new vinyl, I said whatve you got by the doors?

He said “a bucket of sand and a fire extinguisher”



This isn’t mine, just a classic from Tim Vine

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I used to tell my dog to stop digging holes when we went to the beach

But he would just bury his head in the sand

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The Arabs are literally destroying Europe.

The other day at the beach I saw them digging up all the sand and mailing it back to Syria.

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Communism is a timeless dream

So one night I was having a weird dream. I was transported into a communist USA, and everything looked completely different. I lost an item important to me that kept track of time with sand and saw someone across the street that had it. I told him, “ Sir, that is my glass”. He responds, “It’s not your glass. It’s h-our glass”.


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What do you call a witch who eats sand?

Malnourished

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A New York cop walks by a playing ground and sees a kid bulding something from sand in the sand pit

So he walks up to the kid and asks "What are you creating there little one?". The kid absorbed in his work promptly says "I'm making a cop sir!". Police officer, with his heart filled with pride asks further "Wow, very nice to see the youth appreciating cops, but how are you building him?". Kid without looking at the officer says "I add sand, mix in some wat


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What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?

Not enough sand.

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What's the difference between period blood and beach sand?

I can't gargle sand.

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Brian Blessed was flying his bi-plane over the Sahara desert when out of nowhere the engine spluttered and stop and he found himself hurtling toward the ground.

As he crawled out of the wreckage, Brian couldn't believe he had survived the crash. He checked himself for injuries, a few scratches but nothing major; no broken bones, no concussion, not even whiplash from the plane's impact with the ground. For a second he considered himself lucky. Until he looked around. Although he made it out of the plane unscathed, the same could not be said for t


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What do you call a sandstorm that calls you names?

Da Rude Sand Storm

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My sister asked for something hard to write on...



I don't know why she became so mad. It's pretty hard to write on sand.

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(not mine, from tumblr) A man's car breaks down in front of a monastery.

He goes up to the monastery and asks the monks if he can stay the night, as he is far from home. The monks graciously accept him, feed him and even fix his car. As he is eating, he hears a strange noise coming from a door.

"What is the strange noise?" the man asked the monks.

"We cannot tell you, for you are not a monk," the monks reply. The man must k


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My sister asked for something hard to write on...

I don't know why she became so mad. It's pretty hard to write on sand.

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My wife stood before me with some items in front of her. Without a word, she emptied a large jar of mayonnaise and proceeded to fill the empty jar with rocks right to the top, then asked me if the jar was full. I agreed that it was.

She then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them in to the jar. She shook the jar lightly. My wife then asked me if the jar was now full. I agreed that, yes, it was.

She then poured a bag of sand into the jar with the result that the sand filled up the remaining spaces between the rocks and pebbles. Now, said my wife, I want you to recognize that this is your life.

The


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A orthodox priest, a catholic priest and a rabbi ..

Walking in the dessert and find a suitcase with 3 mil $.

They talk and decide to split the money evenly,but then the catholic priest says:

" Wait, god gave us this money by his will, so i think we should give something back to him for his mercy."

They all agree but each has a different approach:

The catholic priest throws the money in t


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A greedy bastard sitting with his wife watching pistachios

She looks at him sand says: give me some.

He gives her one.

Just one? She asks.

He replies: they all taste the same.

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What do you call a girl who has sand in her bikini?

Titty gritty.

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What do you call a woman with sand in her panties?

Clitty Litter

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Why can't you starve in the desert?

Because of all the sand which is there

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So my sister told me to get her something hard to write on... then she got really mad at me

Thought sand would be pretty hard to write on

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A Jewish mom visits Coney Island

It’s a beautiful day at Coney Island, the sun is shining and a cool Atlantic breeze falls on the coast. A Jewish woman and her son are spending a wonderful day at the beach.

The woman is siting on her lawn chair soaking up the sun, her son is farther down the beach digging in the sand with his pail.

Suddenly the sky goes dark and a monster wave crashes against the


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Micheal Jackson is walking along the beach...

When a lady tanning on the sand politely asks him “Micheal, can you please get out of my sun?”

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I had a dream I was walking along a beach

The sand was nice and soft against my toes as I stare into the sea

Now I think I know why there were footmarks in the cat litter

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What would happen if socialism came to the Sahara desert?

First nothing; then we would have a shortage of sand.

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Whats the difference between sand and menstrual blood?

You can’t gargle sand.

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How do lose 20 pounds in 2 days?

You bring 20 pounds of sand on the first day, then you throw them away on the next day.

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Why is sand, called sand?

Because it’s between the Sea and lAND

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What do you call 4 Mexicans in quick sand?

Quatro Sink. Oh!

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