Ruined

Jokes

What's the difference between tisane and having sex with a Thai woman?

Tisane isn't ruined by herbals.

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What's a 6.9?

Another good thing ruined by a period.

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A friend of mine got caught masturbating in the showers

That ruined our trip to Auschwitz - Jimmy Carr

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Really offensive.

A mate of mine got caught wanking in the showers. It really ruined the trip to Auschwitz.

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My father in law just accidentally ruined my brother in law's cigar by sitting on it

Close butt, no cigar

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I got to be the DJ at my uncle's wedding

Apparently, having "I Love Little Girls" by Oingo Boingo play ruined the mood for everybody.

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They say masturbation is better with a dead arm.

Apparently I ruined that funeral.

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Everyone at the restaurant we were dining at were disgusted when they found out I was 45 and my wife was 20...

It completely ruined our ten year anniversary.

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If I had a dollar for everytime someone over 40 told me my generation sucks...

Then I could afford a house in the exonomy they ruined

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Why Are The Led Zeppelin And The Beatles ruined music?

They started rock / hard rock

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So there I was fingering my sisters pussy

And then my sister walked in on me and her cat and totally ruined the moment.

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If I had a dollar for every time someone over 40 told me my generation sucks...

Then I could afford a house in the economy they ruined.

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I got in trouble at high school for masturbating in the showers...

Apparently it completely ruined the trip to Auschwitz.

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Terrible OC Two fish, Susan and Steve, were on a fish-date

The evening water was glistening and the skies above hadn't a single cloud. Suddenly a huge bolt of lightning flashed above them and illuminated what felt like the whole ocean. Susan, being terrified, screamed,

"Steve! Let's get out of here, you and I both know we can't survive a lightning strike!"

Steve replied,

"Silly Susan,


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What can you say to both someone Who has diarrhea and someone Who had ruined their life

Get your shit together

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The dinner I was cooking for my family was going to be a surprise

but the fire trucks ruined it.

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I went to the kitchen last night for some midnight cookies

As soon as I got downstairs I heard my mom and stepdad having loud sex.

I ran back upstairs and threw my headphones off to try and forget what I just heard.

The next day I confronted my stepdad and told him that he ruined my snack

He said "yeah well you ruined mine too!"

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If I had a dollar for every time someone over 40 told me my generation sucks...

Then I could afford a house in the economy they ruined.

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I got caught masturbating in the shower.

It totally ruined the school field trip to Auschwitz.

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Pawpaw wakes up one Sunday morning

And decides to mow the yard.

He grabs a beer, goes to the garage and fires up the ride along lawn mower.

Pawpaw is cruising the yard in pure beer bliss when a cat runs right in front of his mower, causing him to jump and spill his beer on himself.

"Damned cat! Lucky I didn't run ya over!"

Pawpaw keeps on mowin.

A few m


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When I was a teen, Michael Jackson completely ruined me

He told to "beat it" and that's why I never had a girlfriend

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Im sure you know what a 69 is, but do you know what a 6.9 is?

A good thing ruined by a *period*

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Im 45 years old and dating a 22 year old...

Everyone at the restaurant called me a pedo.

Totally ruined our 10 year anniversary.

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Whats the problem with the number 6.9

It’s another great thing ruined by a period :)

I’m sorry, I had to, it’s a special day today.

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My uncle got his fender ruined in a hit-and-run

He’s in jail now.

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Im furious. My holiday is ruined! Ive decided to sue the airline that lost my luggage.

My lawyer said that I don’t have a case.

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If I had a dollar for every time Someone over 40 told me my generation sucks..

Then I could afford the house in the economy they ruined.

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TIFU by telling my wife that she ruined our marriage

We were having dinner together when I wanted her to pass the potato salad. I wanted to say; Honey can you pass the potato salad. But instead I said, "Fuck you Karen for ruining our marriage."

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If I had a dollar for every time somebody over forty told me my generation sucks...

Then I could afford a house and car in the economy they ruined

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My wife is angry at me because I peed in the shower

She said that I “ruined her bubble bath”

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If I had a dollar for every time someone over the age of 40 told me my generation suckes

I'd have enough money to buy a house in the economy they ruined

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If I had a dollar for every time someone over 40 told me my generation sucks...

Then I could afford a house in the economy they ruined.

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What does the Italian soldier say to the gardener that just ruined his lawn?

Its Apache

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Want to hear my joke about the Notre Dame?

Actually you wouldn't, I kinda ruined it trying to fix it.

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God ruined the perfect asshole...

when he gave Trump a set of teeth.

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Adolf Hitler and my wife have the same birthday. It's crazy to think that such a loathsome figure, who ruined the lives of so many people...

Shares the same birthday as Adolf Hitler.

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6.9

6.9

Just another number ruined by a period

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What is 6.9

A good thing ruined by a period.

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If I had a dollar for everytime someone over 40 told me my generation sucks....

Then I could afford a house in the economy they ruined.

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A mans car womt run, so he takes it to the mechanic...

Mechanic: you used subpar fuel wich corroded your injectors and intake manifold.

Man: english please?

Mechanic: low quality gas ruined your engine.

Man: dumb it down for me, im not a rocket scientist.

Mechanic: bad go-go juice make your vroom vroom machine all fucky.

Man: well shit now i understand.


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My love life is a lot like an old ruined calendar

I can't find a date.

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What is 6.9?

A really great thing ruined by a period.

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What's so unique about 6.9?

It's a good thing ruined by a period.

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Last night, I tried one of those old tricks where you light your farts on fire.

I couldn't find a lighter, so I used a candle...

Completely ruined my kid's birthday cake!

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I was vacationing with some friends, and they got mad at me because I was masturbating in the shower

They said I ruined the entire Auschwitz tour

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What does 6.9 mean?

Just another good thing ruined by a period.

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My dad removed a giant spider from my room while i was away from the house.

He ruined my chances of being Spiderman

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Girls are like insurance companies

The minute you stop paying them your whole future is ruined

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2 men walk into a restaurant

One of the guys go hey Jeff have you see my hat god dammit Kevin you ruined my joke what how i am using a microphone to type in my words well why dont you just type because duck you thats why go to bell Jeff no wait Kevin i

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Whats wrong with 6.9?

It’s a good thing ruined by a period

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