Rope

Jokes

A cowboy walks into a town with a rope in his hands.

He looked really confused and when he arrived at the saloon, a patron aproaches him and asks if he's ok.

The cowboy replies "I don't know... I'm so confused I'm not sure wether I found a rope or lost a horse."

(this is a joke my Spanish dad used to tell me when I was a kid.)


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I wiped my ass with a piece of rope

I shit you knot!

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A worker and his rope.

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How do you make a Viennese Whirl?

Wrap a rope around him then pull.

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A rope walks into a bar....

The bartender says, "hey, we don't serve ropes here sir". So the rope goes out side gets twisted and messes up his hair and walks back in minutes later. "Hey are you that rope that I told to leave earlier. He looks at the bartender and says "no sir, I'm a frayed knot".


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Political speeches

Once, a politician, 3 doctors and 3 engineers decided to climb Mt.Everest.

They arrive there and start climbing. Halfway into the climbing, the rope starts to break. The engineers, with their quick physics skills tell everyone "One of us has to jump or else we all die!". Nobody wanted to jump. Everyone held onto the rope with their hands tightly.

Then, the poli


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New mower!

A preacher was making his rounds to his parishioners on a bicycle, when he came upon a little boy trying to sell a lawn mower. "How much do you want for the mower?" asked the preacher. "I just want enough money to go out and buy me a bicycle," said the little boy. After a moment of consideration, the preacher asked, "Will you take my bike in trade for it?" The lit


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I'm at the end of my rope with these Epstien jokes...

It's thread after thread of them!

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A rope in a bar

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How do you get a guy with deppresion down from the tree?

You cut the rope

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You've gotta go for it!

A man walks down the street and sees a rope dangling down with a note: Climb the rope to success!

He shrugs, climbs the rope and reaches a platform. On it is a beautiful naked woman who tells him: "You can choose to stay here with me, or continue climbing the rope to success".

After some deliberation, he decides to keep climbing only to reach another platform.


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What do a Cowboy and a Teenage boy have in common?

They both throw rope all day long.

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Two tightropes are side by side.

One is made of polyester, the other nylon.

The tightrope walker makes it across the polyester rope with no trouble, but on her way back across the nylon line, the rope gives a little too much, and she falls to the net.

The polyester rope looks over in disappointment. "That was a disgraceful performance! Once the pressure hit, you just instantly bowed to it! Did you


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Just a little fire truck


A was working on the engine outside the Station, when he noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle. The girl was wearing a firefighter's helmet. The wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat. The firefighter walked over to take a closer look. "That sure is a nice fire truck,&quo


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A priest buys a lawn mower at a garage sale

Back at home, he pulls on the rope a few times with no results.

He storms back to the garage sale and tells the previous owner "I can't get the mower to start!"

"That's because you have to curse to get it started, says the man."

"I'm a man of the cloth. I don't even remember how to curse."

"Y


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A man gets asked What is it to have sex at the age of 70?

"It's like playing billiard with a rope", the man answers.

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TIL: It's possible to bungee jump without a rope.

But just once.

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Two ladies were trying on pants in the fitting room.

One woman comes out wearing a designer pair.

"You're so skinny! You have no waist at all!" the other laments.

"Yeah, but sometimes it's a curse. Belts don't fit me anymore," she replied, pulling a rope from her purse.

"You have to wear a *rope* for a belt?!" the other woman scoffed.

"Well, you k


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A rope walks into a bar...

A rope walks into a bar, sits down and orders a drink. The bartender goes, " We don't serve your kind here"
Dejected, the rope leaves. Outside he tries himself into a knot, frays his ends and walks back into the bar. The bartender stops him and says, " Hey! Aren't you the rope I just sent out of here?" The rope replies " No. I'm a frayed knot"


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There was a virgin who wanted to marry a farmer boy.

One day, she went to his parents' house for dinner. When they got done eating dinner, they decided to go for a walk through the pasture. While they were walking, they came upon 2 horses that were mating. She looks at them with wonder because she has never seen anything like this before.


She asks the boy, "What are they doing?"


He says, &qu


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Three ropes are lost in the desert.

The group of ropes find a town, and find the bar. They run in and ask for water
Ropes: can we have some water!?
Bar keep: didn't ya see the sign, no ropes! Get out!
And the bar keep kicks them out. The first rope has an idea: what if two of us stack up so that we look like a person!
The first and second rope stack up, out on a trench coat, hat, sunglasses, and walk in<


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What's the KKK's favorite game?

Cut The Rope

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If you dont get it check the comments

Why did the chicken cross the highway?

Because he didn’t have a rope

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Suicide costs more than just your life...

It also costs about 6.99 for the rope at your local hardware store. #Supportlocalbusinesses

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Old man Haskins was caught fahv stories high in a burning building...

Waren't no ladder tall enough to rescue im'!


With mah quick thinkin', Ah saved the day!


"Old man Haskins!" I hollers up to 'im "tie this rope 'round yer waist!"


So I throwed the rope up to him, he tied it tight 'round his waist, and I pulled him down!


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A string walks into a bar

The waiter said: We dont serve your kind here!
The string walk away, twist himself and enters again,
The waiter said: arent you the same rope from last time?
The rope said: im a frayed knot.

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A rope walks into a bar

Theres a sign up that reads “No Ropes Allowed”. The bartender sees him and says, “Hey you gotta get out, your kind isn’t welcome here”. The rope goes home, ties a knot at the top and takes a pair of scissors and cuts up whats sticking out to look like hair. He goes back to the bar where the bartender asks, “Aren’t you that rope from earlier?” He repl


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As the foreman was inspecting the workmen on site, he was surprised to find one worker hanging from a rope in the middle of the room repeating, "I'm a chandelier, I'm a chandelier."

The foreman gives him a stern talking-to as the other men watch, and then orders him back to work.

During his next inspection of the same room, again the worker is hanging from the rope doing exactly what he was told not to.

Furious at his disobedience the foreman fires him on the spot.

To his surprise, every worker in the room begins packing up their tools a


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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.

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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.

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Don't fret

little rope.

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Ever heard of the rope that could?

Well, it could knot.

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Long ago, an English trade ship at sea noticed it was being followed

The captain of the English ship extended his spyglass and noted the size and flag of the pursuing ship.

“Eddie?”, yelled the captain to his first mate.

“Aye, sir?”, responded his loyal assistant.

“It appears we have attracted a French pirate!”

“Blimey sir, what be your orders?


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A string walks into a bar.

The bartender says we don't serve your kind here.

The string leaves and he twists himself up, parts his hair, and comes back.

The bartender asks "Aren't you the same rope from before?"

The rope replies I'm a frayed not.

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I love jokes about rpe

jokes about ropes are awesome they do rope things... but after some time...


they get raped lmao

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A two ropes walk into a bar...

*twist on old joke*

As they order bartender shakes his head, "Can't you read?" as he gestures to a sign that says ,"We don't like dopes and don't serve Ropes!"

The rope is floored, but his mother warned him that some people didnt like ropes. So he and his buddy left.

Outside his buddy is furious,"What gives them the rig


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How do you get a nigger out of a tree?

Cut the rope.

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My uncle became a Christmas ornament...

He put a rope around his neck end hang himself onto a tree

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Rpe joke

A rope walks into a bar

Bartender: We don't serve your kind here

The rope goes out, twists itself up, spikes his hair and goes in again

Bartender: Aren't you the same guy from minutes before?

Rope: No, I'm a frayed knot

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A rope walks into a bar and asks for a pint

the bartender replies "I don't serve ropes, you'll have to leave". The rope leaves determined to get served. He ties himself up, ruffles his hair and tries again. "Are you the rope i just threw out?"
Rope says "I'm a frayed knot mate".

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Would you prefer a fire escape ladder or a fire escape rope on the 3rd floor of a burning building?

Personally, I’d prefer the latter.

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My Mom told me life is good

But there was rope behind her chair

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Hanging out with a friend

A boy asked his friend if he wanted to hang out. His friend said "sure, but what's the rope for?"

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Did you hear about the rope that won't pick up it's own slack?

Some things just can't be taught.

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When your friend is scaling a difficult rock face, and you know for certain that they're going to fall, but you agree to hold their rope anyways,

you're only belaying the inevitable.

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First day on the job..

Patient: how bad is it?


Me: *forgetting the word for spine* you broke your bone rope.

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A guy tries to kill himself

Fed up with his disgusting life, a absent-minded man decides to kill himself. He writes a long note to his wife, who was out working as a cashier. Then, he prepares to do the deed.

The wife comes back home a few hours later, and find his husband dangling from the ceiling with a rope tied around his foot.

His wife asks, bemused: "What are you doing up there?"


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Dad Joke: How do you hang a man with a wooden leg?

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You can't, you need a rope

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How do you hang a man with a wooden leg?

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You can't, you need a rope

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A man getting a BJ from a 65 year old prostitute and a man walking a mile high tight rope are thinking the same thing.

Don't Look Down

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