Respond

Jokes

A man goes to see a Tibetan monk with a existential question.

"I've been wondering about something... If I clean my asshole am I gay ?" asks the curious man

The enlightened monk takes some time to think and respond with his near infinite knowledge
"If you clean your house, it means that you are expecting visits."

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A kid with rusty bicycle goes to man with a Lamborghini

"You wanna trade". He respond "with this bicycle you smoking". Kid respond "let me show you it's secret than decide" man said yes. the kid rub the pedal and a genie comes out. the kid tell hem "give the man a nice tea" . The genie create the best tea the man never tasted one like it.

Man without thinking takes the bicycle and run home to hi


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I asked my best friend to hang out.

He respond "Sure, I'll bring some ropes."

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Two men walk into a bar on rJokes

The first guy says to the bartender: "I'll have some H20 please."

Without giving the bartender time to respond, the second man says: "I'll have H2O2 please."

To which the bartender replied: "Can you guys fuck off? This is the millionth time I heard this one."


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What would China respond with regards the recent Hong Kong protests?

Tank you!

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One day, Einstein has to speak at an important science conference

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One day, Einstein has to speak at an important science conference.

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Stiff Competition

A new mortuary in a tough mill town decided to advertise in an unorthodox fashion, and so draped a banner on the front of their building that read, "Our Staff Will Stuff Your Stiff."

Not to be outdone, the madame across the street had her girls respond with a banner too; "Our Stuff Will Stiff Your Staff."


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A friend told me they had been deafened.

I didn't know how to respond

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So a rat comes to talk to a mouse:

"Hello!" says the rat, and the computer mouse doesnt respond.

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How long does it take Neil Degrasse Tyson to change a lightbulb?

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My dog won't respond

I called my dog she didn't pick up😥

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How did the aggravated priest respond when the young boy kept asking him why we ought to pray?

For the love of God, Jimmy!

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An American, a Cuban, a Russian, and a lawyer are sitting on a subway train, in the same seat.

The Cuban pulls out a Cuban cigar for each person, and hands it out. The Cuban takes one puff of his cigar, and he throws it out the window. Everybody but the Cuban goes mad. ¨You just wasted an expensive Cuban cigar! How could you?¨ The Cuban simply says, ¨See, in Cuba, cigars are very cheap.¨ The other passengers are reassured and respond with, ¨Oh, OK.¨

The


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An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German man are watching a street performer.

While he’s juggling, the street performer notices that the four have a bad view, so he stands on a crate and asks them, “Can you all see me now?”


The four guys respond to him, “Yes...”


“Oui...”


“Si...”


“Ja!”

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Why did the ostrich cross the road?

I have no clue, I said this to a super hot girl on tinder and didn’t think she’d respond so I don’t have a punch line. Please help!!

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So my friend has problems attracting women Anders frustrating him

“Every time,” he says, “they always reject me!”


“It’s okay,” I tell him, “Just find the type of person you want to be with and pursue that type of person.”

“I’ve been getting desperate,” he responds, “I’ve been targeting ONLY fat, ugly women and I still get rejected!”


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What do they call a grandma whos quick to respond?

...an InstaGram.

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Feminists don't respond to prayer with Amen, they say

Awomen

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Bill is called in for a review at his new job

His supervisor asks Bill to take a seat and they begin discussing his first month at the company. The supervisor says he's seen Bill make a lot of dumb mistakes, but more than anything else, Bill is uncommonly early to his shift by at least 2 hours every day.

Bill confesses that he does this because he overheard some of his coworkers complain about his punctuality a few weeks ago


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What did one strawberry say to the other strawberry?




"If you weren't so fresh, we wouldn't be in this jam!"

(The other berry did NOT respond with "holy shit, a talking strawberry!" Because he thought it was too unoriginal)

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DAER ? NAM ? KCUF ? Do not respond directly Hah ha ...

[0/0](https://i.imgur.com/9vvCwis.jpg)

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How do you respond if someone tells you: this is an A and B conversation, so why dont you C your way out!

Tell them: “to me, it looks like a **D** and **E** conversation, so why don’t you go **F** yourself!”

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We got a new dishwasher recently

She doesn’t respond to Mom

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Dear leader calls mayor Pete 'Alfred E. Newman'.

He should respond, 'What? Me worry?'

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Everytime there's a new hip hop tragedy, I always respond the same way...

Thots & Playahs

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Every time my wife asks whether the kids want fish fingers

I have to respond by saying "I didn't even know fish had fingers". I try to stop but I just can't.

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Ive been married for 50 years...

People always ask me how I’m able to keep my marriage, I always respond with back then it was to death do us part. The reason I still have my marriage is because the bitch won’t die.

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A man tells his wife "I feel like lately you have not been taking my criticism very well"...

The wife does not respond.

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Dont you hate people who make points that need a response, but no one likes them, so they respond to themselves but they forget to change accounts

These people should delete reddit and die

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Math joke

A man was having a really bad day. His girlfriend left him, his car got repossessed and he lost his job. There was nothing left for him in his town so on a whim he took a taxi to the airport. He walked in and went up to the lady behind the counter and says “put me on a flight that will change my life” the lady respond “sir I know exactly what to do”.

30 minutes


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A student at the karate convention asks a teacher where to stay.

They respond " At the Hyaaaatt ! "

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My wife says "What are you doing" to me alot.

I usually joke respond with "Can I buy a vowel?"

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One time Einstein had to speak at an important science conference.

On the way there, he tells his driver (who looks much like him):

​

"I'm sick of all these conferences. I always say the same things over and over!"

The driver agrees: "You're right. As your driver, I attended all of them, and even though I don't know anything about science, I could give the conference in your plac


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One day, Albert Einstein had to speak at an important science conference.

On the way there, he tells his driver that looks a bit like him:

"I'm sick of all these conferences. I always say the same things over and over!"

The driver agrees: "You're right. As your driver, I attended all of them, and even though I don't know anything about science, I could give the conference in your place."

"


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How did I respond when a girl called me cute?

Thanks gran!

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My tinder date told me that I shouldn't be using a straw

I quickly respond "I know, I know. It's bad for the environment."

"No," she replied, "it's just a weird way to eat spaghetti."

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People always ask me if I know any foreign languages...

I feel like saying no will make me look stupid, so I say: “Well, I do know a little Hebrew.”

This always surprises people, since Hebrew doesn’t seem like a popular language: “Oh really?!” They always reply.

To that I respond: “Yeah, he’s about 4 feet tall.”


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A lady yells: "NO! I WON'T SLEEP WITH YOU PIG!". Everyone in the bar stops and stares...

Completely embarrassed, the guy slinks back to his table with a red face.

After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes.

She smiles and says: "I'm so sorry if I embarrassed you. I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing public situations."

To which the guy responds a


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Breaking News: Trump deports thousands of child sex traffickers.

The Vatican has yet to respond.

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A young boy asks his father why he cant stay up and watch Game of Thrones...

The father respond “because son, the night is dark and full of swear words”

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I called my wife and told her that I will pick up Fish and Chips on the way from work, she didn't respond.

She is still mad about the names I gave our kids.

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How to muslims respond to good jokes

Ha lol

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The doctor told my father that hes obese

My father respond with : “Oh yeah, well you’re o bese of shit”

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How do you get seven sexy clowns to stop watching TV at your house?

Respond quickly please. My parents will be home any minute.

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Cinderella

My wife told me: "I'm sick of you, since I got married i work, cook, I'm doing laundry..."

I respond: "I told you if you marry me you will live like Cinderella!"

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One day, Albert Einstein had to speak at an important science conference.

On the way there, he tells his driver that looks a bit like him:
 

"I'm sick of all these conferences. I always say the same things over and over!"


The driver agrees: "You're right. As your driver, I attended all of them, and even though I don't know anything about science, I could give the conference in your place."


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Kansas City Chiefs respond to Kareem Hunts 8 game suspension with

“Well, it’s better than a kick in the crotch”


P.s is this a British saying!?

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Breaking News: Trump deports thousands of child sex traffickers.

The Vatican has yet to respond.

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My friend says to the teacher that ink in his pen is running out

Then I respond “It can’t run out if you will catch it”

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