Reserve

Jokes

Flat tire on a Reserve.

A man was driving through a First Nations Reserve when he had a flat tire and had to stop. As he was changing his tire he heard another vehicle pull up and figured it was somebody who would give him a hand changing the tire... He could see a Native man getting out of the vehicle and walking towards him. Next thing he heard was a huge BANG! The fellow changing his tire jumped and looked up to see t


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Whenever I go out on dates, I don't take my girlfriend to my list of very special places.

I reserve those to my friends and my wife.

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A skydiving instructor is answering questions for his beginners class.

“So if my parachute doesn’t open,” a student asks, “and my reserve chute doesn’t work, how long have I got until I hit the ground?”

The instructor tells the man, “You’ve got the rest of your life.”

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What did the Barbie factory do when it ran out of belly buttons?

They called the the navel reserve, naturally.

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The Emu Reserve seemed like a good idea to Congress.



But the generals all counciled against over-reliance upon regiments of irregulars.

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Man Goes Skydiving for the first time.

The instructor tells him.

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" Now there is nothing to worry about, your Chute is set to open at a set height. If it doesn't open don't Panic Just pull this chord and your Reserve chute will open. When you land there will be a Truck waiting to pick you up.

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Guy is pumped up and goes up in the plane.


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Hello, can I reserve a table for Pharaoh Hotepsekhemwy?

Could you spell by letters, please?


Yes, sure. A bird, two triangles, a wavy line, the sun, again a bird, a dog's head, a scarab

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A man goes skydiving for the first time ...

And he is concerned about a few things. After the instructor shows him how to open his parachute, he asks him:
"But what if it doesn't open?"
"Then pull this second pin and your reserve parachute will open."
"And what if it doesn't?"
"Then pull this third pin and your second reserve will open."
"But what if it doe


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So I was going to reserve a table in a restaurant...

[deleted]

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Hi, Id like to reserve a table for 5 OClock?

Employee: Sir... this is... McDonald’s

Me: Oh apologies, my bad... I’d like to McReserve a table for 5 O’Clock

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What did the man who blamed his nasal congestion on the federal reserve do in response?

Sudafed

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I just ate all the insects in our nature reserve, and my boss is about to find out...

I’ve got butterflies in my stomach.

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What does Roger Federer call his backup racket?

The Federer Reserve

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My uncle told me this joke after coming from a trip from Mexico.

A man went on vacation to Mexico. He went to a restaurant and while eating saw a plate with two huge meat balls on it, he called over the waitress and asked "what is that dish you just served." And the waitress said "that is bull testicles, everyday we have 1 bull fight, if you want to eat it you have to reserve a day before." So he reserved the dish for the next day, he went t


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I tried to reserve WhipAdvisor.com for a new forum about car mods...

but it looks like the S&M community beat me to the punch!

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I want to open a Reserve to breed, arm and train West Lowland Gorillas to fight Jihadists.

I'm going to call it Boko Harambe

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I wanted to reserve a copy of a new novel coming out

But they were all booked

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Why was a guy arrested for peeing on Indian land?

He was on a Nipissing reserve.

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A mummy calls a restauraunt.

- Hello, I'd like to reserve a table for the pharaoh Sakhrakhotep I.
- Could you spell it out, please?
- Of course. Bird, two triangles, wavy line, the sun, bird again, jackal's head and a scarab.

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A car breaks down on an Indian reserve

Jim was driving his car through an Indian reserve and suddenly he hears a loud bang and his engine stalls. He gets out lifts the hood, as he's looking at the engine a car full of Indians drive by, stops, then backs up, the driver rolls down his window and ask " what's the problem? It is not safe for a lone white man to be in these parts" Jim looks at them and said "piston


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If you were to second guess your decision to stay at a hotel on a native american reserve...

....that would be a reservation reservation reservation

-credit to Brian Regan

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Where does the Federal Reserve hide all of its dirty profits?

In debasement.

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I called in a reserve player... from the wrong team!

Whoops, wrong sub

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2 old men with alzheimer's are chatting about the good old day's

The one askes the other

'What's the name of the game reserve we use to go to every summer?'

The other guy thinks for a minute before he turns to his wife and asks...

'Honey, what do you call the red flower with the thorns on the stem?'

'A rose' she replys

He then askes her

'Rose, w


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After coming out of hibernation the Philae Lander has some tough decisions.

Reserve that free Windows 10 upgrade or not...?

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I thought of this joke this morning in the shower

A professional baseball team is at the airport flying home after a huge victory, and the team manager decides to splurge by buying first class tickets for everyone. Excited to fly in luxury, everyone boards the plane. The team quickly realizes, though, that they failed to reserve enough seats. Nobody is quite sure what to do, but eventually a rookie on the team stands up and shouts "put me in


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What do you call a Mexican and the former chair to the Federal Reserve having lunch together?

SPICK'N'SPAN :D

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A man is driving alone on a dark road...

when suddenly the car starts to tip to one side. he stops on the roadside just to realize one of his tires is completely busted. as he begins switching the tire, he notices the nearby shadowy building is actually an insane asylum. the wheel needs replacing so he pulls out the jack and takes out the four bolts connecting the wheel to the car. meanwhile, one of the patients from the asylum climbs th


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What is Kim Jong Un's biggest vice?

The one he uses to hold his biggest block of cheese steady so that he can eat without reserve

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A General wants to reserve a Jeep from the motor pool.

A general wants to reserve a jeep from the motor pool. His assistant is out so he makes the call himself.

"Motor pool"

"Hello, yes, I'd like to reserve a jeep for General Franklin"

"Well it better be a big jeep if fatass Franklin wants to go for a ride in it."

The General is furious over the insult.


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Bill is taking a skydiving class...

and he is really nervous about it. At his first jump, his instructor (Ed) is trying to calm him down.
"It's really simple Bill. You jump out, count to ten, and pull the cord."
Bill, sweating bullets responds "what if that doesn't open?"
Ed smiles and says "that is why you have a reserve chute. Just pull it's cord."
That seemed


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Yo mamma's so fat...

The reserve bank bailed her out, cause she was too big to fail.

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I was going to write up a guide on how to reserve yourself a spot on the front page of Reddit...

...but it's really not my place to say!

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