Reporter

Jokes

Two country bumpkins, George and Sam, won a trip around the world

Sam had a disability, and couldn't walk or talk well, so the local paper decided it would make an interesting article, and they interview them. George did all the talking.

"So how'd you enjoy France?" The reporter asked.

"It was real nice I tell ya, all the people were real nice and the hiking trails were fun too."

"Did Sam


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3 bears were on plane...

3 bears were on a plane, mummy bear, daddy bear and baby bear.

Suddenly the plane engine stopped so the bears had to jump, unfortunately there were only 2 parachutes which were one person max as they'd have to hold on to the straps.

All 3 bears survived and the next day, there it was on the news "How did baby bear survive?" Baby bear arrived on the show and


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A reporter approached a gender ambiguous middle Eastern tourist in NY

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My wife said she was leaving me because I kept talking like a news reporter

More on that story later.

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A reporter walks into a bar...

A reporter walks into a bar in a small Louisiana town. He's been sent by his editor in the big city to get a human interest story, and so he walks up to some burly guy in overalls and offers him a drink in return for the story of the best day of his life.

"Best day? Well, that must've been the day that Old Man Jones asked me for help. You see, his pretty little wife had


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A reporter was interviewing a 104 year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?"

She simply replied, "No peer pressure."

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Breaking news: A news reporter is hating people ironically.

I'd hate to be that person.

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Asked by a Chinese reporter if he thought his racist antics were dividing America, Donald Trump stated...

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Breaking News...

.... Since Sinead O'Connor converted to Islam last year she has become more & more extreme. She is now chief executioner for ISIS. When our reporter asked how many she had killed this week, she replied, "It's been 7 Hooers & 15 Gays"

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Hello Im the wonky news reporter

I’m here to askew a few questions

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Poisonous Wife

Reporter: How did your husband die??
Wife: He ate poison
Report: But why did he has Bruises on his body?
Wife: He refused to eat it...

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Certain religious leaders have been deliberating over new, modern ways to keep track of all their monks.

Apparently, they feel it is necessary to know where each one is at all times, because "disloyal monks need to be kicked out immediately to keep the church pure."

After a news reporter got a tip, they decided to go down there and ask the highest leader about their plans and if they had made a final decision yet.

The leader told the reporter, "Let's just


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A reporter at an interview asked Donald Trump..

A reporter at an interview asked Donald Trump the following question: "Can you tell us, Mr. President, why did you cut primary school funding and why did you raise government prisons' funding by 200%?"


"Well I'm certainly not going to go back to primary school, am I?"

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Apollo 11 moon landing

It has been 50 years since the Apollo 11 moon landing. Many years ago a reporter asked Neil Armstrong When you first stepped on the moon you said "Small step for man. Giant leap for mankind" You also said "Good luck Mr. Grodski." The reporter asked "What did you mean by that?" Neil said since so many years had passed he could explain. Neil said "When he was a ki


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Once a reporter asked Freddie Mercury if he masturbated, to which Freddie replied,

Nutting really matters to me.

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A reporter conducted an interview in Saudi Arabia

Reporter: name?

Man: Abdul

Reporter: sex?

Man: four or five times a week

Reporter: no I mean like male or female!!

Man: yes yes females everywhere, sometimes camel

Reporter: holy cow!

Man: yes cow, sheep, animals in
general... just not pig

Reporter: but isn’t that hostile?


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A reporter was interviewing a Saudi Arabian man

Reporter: name?
Man: Abdul
Reporter: sex?
Man: four or five times a week
Reporter: no I mean like male or female!!
Man: yes yes females everywhere, sometimes camel
Reporter: holy cow!
Man: yes cow, sheep, animals in general... just not pig
Reporter: but isn’t that hostile?
Man: yes, horse style, doggystyle, loads of style
Reporter:


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Brothel fire

A brothel is burned to cinders but luckily all the dutiful workers made it out unscathed. A reporter on the scene interviewed one of them.

Reporter: What impression has the fire caused in you?

Prostitute: We are all really fucked.

Reporter: true but what impression has the fire caused.

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My girlfriend gave me an ultimatum that I had to choose between her and my career as a reporter.

I have some breaking news for her.

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Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"

Man: "Yes!"
Reporter: "Name?"
Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."
Reporter: "Sex?"
Man: "Three to five times a week."
Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"
Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."
Reporter: "Holy cow!"
Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general.


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A 90 year old woman just got married for the 4th time....

It was big news in a small town and a local reporter wanted to interview the lady for a story. The reporter asked the lady what professions her previous husbands had while they were married and before they passed on. "Well..." said the lady " My first husband was a banker, the second was a circus performer, my third was a Pastor and my fourth is an undertaker. "Wow such a diver


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High noon

An old west dime novel writer is out looking for a good story when he wanders into a saloon. He sees a group of rough rider lookin' scoundrels playing poker and he musters up enough courage to sit down with 'em (thinkin' he might get a story out if he was lucky). "Mind if I play?"

The others look up with a scowl that would curdle milk, but one looks at the clo


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The media is terrible these days. Today a reporter asked the first lady if she bleaches her asshole...

As always, she responded politely and with class by saying, "No, he uses spray tan".

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A reporter goes to Appalachia

to write a piece on the hardship of rural life. He goes to the bar and asks a guy to tell him some stories about the hard life he's lived.

The guy says, "One time a buddy's wife went missing in the woods so we had to form a search party for her. By the time we found her it was dark and we had to spend the night in the woods. We brought a bunch of moonshine with us and


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A guy lived beside the highway had a report with local news

reporter : do you have any problem with the highway near you ? i mean did it change something in you ?
the guy : NOOOOOoooooo....
Sorry for bad english.. hope u like it

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A CNN reporter, a BBC reporter, and an Israeli commando are captured by ISIS in Syria.

The leader of the terrorists told them that he would grant them each one last request before they were beheaded.

The CNN Reporter said, "Well, I’m an American, so I’d like one last hamburger with French fries.”

The leader nodded to an underling who left and returned with the burger & fries. The reporter ate it and said “Now, I can die.


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Who you wearing

Anyone else get confused when a reporter asked someone, who they are wearing at these fancy events. Like the oscars?

I didn't know we could get people to wear. If so i need to find me one of these people stores. That way i could wake up and decide, i think i want to look like me or a model today. I could have a different look everyday...


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There was a bomb threat at my local mall today.

There was a bomb threat at the mall in my area today. Apparently a suspect was seen wearing a white suit with wires hanging out of it.

The police arrived and evacuated the mall and approached the subject, and asked him to open his jacket, turns out it was cell phone charges.

The officer on the scene told the news reporter "Even though this was a non-issue, the call


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Reporter: Howre you feeling Mr. President?

Trump: I’m...peachy

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A 97-year-old mathematician was being interviewed

The reporter asked "At your age, how do you keep up with everything going on in the field?"

​

"What do you mean old?" he replied, "I'm in one of the prime years of my life!"

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A reporter walks up to Jussie Smollett

“Mr Jussie, how do you pronounce your last name? Is it SMOL-let or smol-LETT?”

Jussie: “Is that really all you wanted to ask me?”

“Yes, sir. It’s the only thing we aren’t 100% certain of, and the only answer we would believe.”

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Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"

Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"
Man: "Yes!"
Reporter: "Name?"
Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."
Reporter: "Sex?"
Man: "Three to five times a week."
Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"
Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."
Reporter:


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Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"

Man: "Yes!"
Reporter: "Name?"
Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."
Reporter: "Sex?"
Man: "Three to five times a week."
Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"
Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."
Reporter: "Holy cow!"
Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general.


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100 Year Old Sex Maniac

An old man turned 100 and was being interviewed by a reporter for the local paper. During the interview the reporter noticed that the yard was full of children of all ages playing together. A very pretty girl of about 19 served the old man and the reporter, keeping them in fresh tea and running errands for them.


"Are these yor grand kids?" the reporter asked.


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A pun walks into a bar, and kills ten people. A news reporter later summed it up in four words.

Pun in, ten dead.

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Tiger woods was being interviewed about his dalliances

Reporter: How many women did you sleep with?
Tiger: nine.
Reporter: Wow that half a round of golf?
Tiger: Full round actually, your forgetting about the back nine.

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Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"


Man: "Yes!"
Reporter: "Name?"
Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."
Reporter: "Sex?"
Man: "Three to five times a week."
Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"
Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."
Reporter: "Holy cow!"
Man: "Yes, cow, she


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A CNN reporter, a BBC reporter, and an Israeli commando are captured by ISIS in Syria.

The leader of the terrorists told them that he would grant them each one last request before they were beheaded.

The CNN Reporter said, "Well, I’m an American, so I’d like one last hamburger with French fries.”

The leader nodded to an underling who left and returned with the burger & fries. The reporter ate it and said “Now, I can die.


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Why did the Brit think the world was ending when a news reporter approached him?

(read in an English accent)
he saw the meteor coming

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A reporter wants to interview a middle-aged Arab guy who barely speaks English

Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"

Man: "Yes!"

Reporter: "Name?"

Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."

Reporter: "Sex?"

Man: "Three to five times a week."

Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"

Man: "Yes, male, female... sometime


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A reporter wants to interview a middle-aged Arab guy who barely speaks English

Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"
Man: "Yes!"
Reporter: "Name?"
Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."
Reporter: "Sex?"
Man: "Three to five times a week."
Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"
Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."
Reporter: "Holy cow!&q


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Reporter 1: The cult members seem totally brainwashed, and still place their blind faith in a false savior offering hollow promises of salvation!

Reporter 2: And that concludes our report from the White House.

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In a bar in Berlin, before the war broke out, there sat Adolph Hitler at a table arguing with Rudolph Hess.

Goebbels was at another table with Bormann. Hermann Goering was up at the bar shooting shots of schnaps.

In walks an American reporter, recognizes Goering at the bar and strolls on up to him and introduces himself. He explains that he’s doing an article on the Nazi plans and goals for Germany and asks Goering if he could maybe enlighten him.

Goering, half drunk, say


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A murderer who had poisoned his victims with iron supplements eventually and inadvertantly poisoned himself.

When he realized his mistake, he immediately called the police and confessed to all of the killings before laying down upon his death bed awaiting his own end, the same end that he had inflicted upon so many others. News media quickly came to the hospital and the killer was eventually asked two questions by two seperate reporters, one question following the other so quickly that he could not resp


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Boris Spassky was once asked by a reporter, "Which do you prefer: chess or sex?".

Spassky replied, "It very much depends on the position".

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All the old farmer wanted to do was make his wife happy.

An old farmer came from riches, but he truly loved his wife. Unfortunately, she only wanted him for his money and would do anything to have it all for herself.

She complained about how much effort it took to plant, water, and grow the vegetables. So the old farmer built the strongest dam, and used canals to irrigate the farmland. He built magnificent bridges by hand, and dedicated the


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Outside the houses of parliament...

Sky news reporter: "Hello and welcome to the houses of parliament where the Conservative party and the Labour party MPs are mass debating with eachother"

Because they're all a bunch of wankers...

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Reporter asks Quentin Tarantino: Do you actually know, that you didn't film nothing better than Pulp fiction?

Tarantino: And who did?

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High Noon

An old west dime novel writer is out looking for a good story when he wanders into a saloon. He sees a group of rough rider lookin' scoundrels playing poker and he musters up enough courage to sit down with 'em (thinkin' he might get a story out if he was lucky). "Mind if I play?"

The others look up with a scowl that would curdle milk, but one looks at the clo


read more
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A CNN reporter, a BBC reporter, and an Israeli commando are captured by ISIS in Syria.

The leader of the terrorists told them that he would grant them each one last request before they were beheaded.

The CNN Reporter said, "Well, I’m an American, so I’d like one last hamburger with French fries.”

The leader nodded to an underling who left and returned with the burger & fries. The reporter ate it and said “Now, I can die.


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