Remark

Jokes

"Good luck, Mr. Gorsky"

When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only gave his famous “One small step for man; one giant leap for mankind” statement, but followed it by several remarks, including the usual COM traffic between him, the other astronauts, and Mission Control.

Before he re-entered the lander, he made the enigmatic remark “Good luck, Mr. Gor


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My girlfriend said if this get's more than 90000 upvotes we'll have sex.

Because she's totally into me and wouldn't have made that remark unless she knew it'd happen.

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I was in bed with my Japanese girlfriend when I happened to remark that her fanny was getting a bit saggy and big.

She lost it and said, "You are always clittysizing."

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The Window Washer

So there was this window washer who was asked if the glass he was washing was opaque and he replied it wasn't clear. His friend sees the remark as funny and asks if he had meant to make a pun and the window washer says, "Nope, unintended"

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A young Catholic girl goes to confession and says "Forgive me Father for I have sinned"


The Priests asks" In what way have you sinned my child"?

"I am pregnant father, and I think it must be the second coming" The girl replies.

The Priests is puzzled by her remark and says " My child, what makes you think that it has anything to do with the second coming"?

The young girl replies " Because I swallowed


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I was in bed with my Japanese girlfriend

when I happened to remark that her vagina was getting a bit saggy and big.

She lost it and said, "You are always clittysizing."

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Mr. Smith found a doppelganger of his wife.

Mr smith to Air hostess - you look exactly like my wife.

*Air hostess feeling a bit agitated by that remark slapped him.

Mr. Smith - what sheer coincidence, even the habits match too.

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Mr. Smith Found a doppelganger of my wife.

Mr smith to Air hostess - you look exactly like my wife.

*Air hostess feeling a bit agitated by that remark slapped him.

Mr. Smith - what sheer coincidence, even the habits match too.

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Grandpa's tale

Last week, I took my grandchildren to a restaurant. My eight- 
year-old grandson asked if he could say grace.  As we bowed 
our heads he said,
   
"God is good, God is great. Thank you for the food, and I would 
thank you even more if Grandpa gets us ice cream for dessert. 
And liberty and justice for all!  


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Kim Jong-Un was very impressed with Donald Trumps rocket man remark...

In fact he was so impressed that he decided to name his youngest son ‘Al Ton-Jong’.

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I wonder who's watching me now, the IRS?

1984 paranoid ramblings

2018 passing remark

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Im not going to waste my time on the sequel

Tonight, after giving my wife the business for three minutes. I stood up and walked to the bathroom, and as I turned on the light switch my wife says, "well that short story was anticlimactic". Surprised by her snide remark I yell back, "I enjoyed the ending"! To which she replied, "Im not going to waste my time on the sequel"!


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When people say "Act your age, not your shoe size"....

.....I make a snide remark and say "Well, I'm sure glad that my age and my shoe size are not the same number, or else my feet would've been too big."

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Some people were offended by Trump's remark that Hillary Clinton was "schlonged" by Obama during the 2008 Democratic primary!

No this is the Donald's normal everyday shtump speech!

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Some people were offended by Trump's remark that Hillary Clinton was "schlonged" by Obama during the 2008 Democratic primary!

[deleted]

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Did you know that saying even the tiniest, barely audible offensive remark is now punishable by up to 77 years in prison?

[deleted]

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How many Irishmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

5.

1 to screw in the light bulb, and 4 to remark on how grand the old one was.

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One more sexist remark

"One more sexist remark from you and I swear to God, I'll kick you straight in the bollocks !" my wife exclaimed

"Haha how the fuck are you planning on reaching my bollocks from the kitchen ?" I replied.

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The compliment seeking wife...

“Harry,” whined Mary, to her husband of 20 years. “What should I do?! I’m not ready for old age! I’m only 40 years old but I look and feel like I’m over 55! My face is all wrinkly, my back is bent over, and my hair is all thinned out.” “Well,” said Harry after looking her up and down, “There is one thing about you that still works as good


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RIP Neil Armstrong

When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only gave his famous "One small step for man; one giant leap for mankind" statement, but followed it by several remarks, including the usual COM traffic between him, the other astronauts, and Mission Control. Before he re-entered the lander, he made the enigmatic remark "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky."


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How is Chick-Fil-A like a black hole?

You can come in, but you can't come out.

<editorial non-joke remark - I'm straight, but these guys need to learn a lesson IMHO>

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