Refuse

Jokes

A female witness is being questioned during a trial

"Did you have sex with the defendant in New York?"

"I refuse to answer that question!"

"Did you have sex with the defendant in Miami?"

"I refuse to answer that question!"

"Did you have sex with the defendant in Chicago?"

"I refuse to answer that question!"

"


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Why did the man with a yardstick refuse to leave his burning house?

Desperate times call for desperate measures...

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Why did the coffee thief refuse to partner with the tea thief?

It wasn't his cup of tea.

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Why did the pregnant woman refuse to tip the waiter?

Because the tip was the reason she got pregnant in the first place.

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My friend Ty came in first in the Beijing marathon, but he wasnt given the gold medal.

The Chinese refuse to recognize Ty won.

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I refuse to become an organ donor...

Unless I get some assurance that no part of my body gets used by Mitch McConnell!

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My Godson had difficulty remembering to take out the trash.

Until I made him an offer he couldn’t ‘refuse.’ - Godfather

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Why did the monk refuse Codine at the dentist?

Because he wanted to transcend dental medication.

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If I stay at someone's house and they don't have any bread available come breakfast time I will refuse to stay any longer

I'm lack toast intolerant

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Why did the guru refuse novocaine at the dentist?

He wanted to transcend dental medication.

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What band do Anti-vaxxers refuse to listen too?

The Cure.

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My wife wants to leave me. She says I care more about gambling than her our our kid.

That's not true at all. If I didnt care about my daughter why else would I refuse to leave the casino until I win her college tuition back?

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I refuse to drive while on a cellphone and break the law.

So I use a walkie-talkie instead.

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I refuse to believe that my dad is a road signal thief

But when I got home, all the signs were there...

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The Italian Mafia makes you an offer you can't refuse.

The Glaswegian Mafia makes you an offer you can't understand.

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Why did the astronaut refuse to return home to see his girlfriend?

He needed more space.

(In case you're running low on dad jokes!)

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Why do eco-activists make horrible stand up comedians?

They consistently refuse to use anything but recycled material.

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If you live in Egypt but refuse to admit it...

Does that put you in a state of denial?

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My friend punches me whenever I refuse to smoke weed with him

He’s given me blunt force trauma

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Why did Han Solo refuse to eat the wild game?

It was Chewie.

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Charity begins at home

I refuse to give any of my money to the homeless for two reasons.

1) They are just going to spend it on drugs and alcohol.

2) I need it for drugs and alcohol.

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I have three small kids and I refuse to vaccinate them for anything.

I let the doctor do it instead.

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I refuse to vaccinate my kids

I let the doctor do it instead

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Why do libertarians make bad dog owners?

because they refuse to properly socialize them.

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Why do flower merchants refuse to work in two-story buildings?

Because they're floorists.

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Why do women from Alabama refuse to do reverse cowgirl?

They don’t believe in turning their back on family.

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Why did Trump refuse to get off of the toilet?

Because he heard you can't charge a sitting president.

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Whenever I meet a new girl things go great until they find out about my lettuce fetish. I like to stroke and kiss and cuddle those beautiful leafy heads of green.

Every time when they find out they refuse to join in and then they leave.

I guess I’m fated to forever romaine alone.

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Why did the Chinese man refuse to do the job?

The American make gave him fourteen dollars and forty-two pennies, but the Chinese man wanted hundred yuan.

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Why are there no vegan prostitutes?

Because they refuse to put meat in their mouth!

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What happens when you refuse to eat?

\- you'd get so good at flying your dragon

\- you'd unnecessarily burn down a kingdom

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I dumped my girlfriend after she falsely claimed Netflix was the cheapest streaming service.

I refuse to associate with a Hulu-cost denier.

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I refuse to have sex unless my girlfriend tries to suffocate me with a pillow.

I'm a smotherfucker.

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I refuse to give any of my money to the homeless for two reasons. 1) They are just going to spend it on drugs and alcohol.

2) I need it for drugs and alcohol.

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Tesla: There is not enough free space to install the latest updates.

My wife: Honey, please get out of the car.

[If I ever refuse to do so.. ](https://www.reddit.com/r/WTF/comments/ba3h15/wtf_grandma/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)

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Why did the man refuse to eat Egyptian cuisine?

It made his stomach falafel.

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My little sister fell pregnant in an attempt to save her relationship.

Too bad I still refuse to talk to her.

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Why did the two tampons refuse to speak to each other?

They're both stuck up bitches.

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I can't believe it!

I just refuse! During my visit to Egypt, they reformed the government and now I'm in the state of The Nile.

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Why did the fish refuse to play basketball?

He was afraid of the net.

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Why do Jews get circumcised?

Because Jewish women refuse to touch anything that isn't at least 10% off

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What do you charge a baby with when they refuse to take a nap?

Resisting arrest

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I quit my job at a helium factory today.

I refuse to be spoken to in that tone.

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My friend told me recently that she had to delete her dating site profile

She told me she had been getting too many requests from law enforcement officers on there. I asked her how many she had gotten, and she replied "today was the 11th one". I looked at her funny, and said "11's not really a big number. Why stop at 11?"

She answered "because i refuse to Fuck 12"


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Why did the chicken refuse to cross the road?

It liked where it was

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Why do most restaurants refuse to serve clowns?

They taste funny.

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Why didn't the Soviets send a man to the moon?

They were scared that they will refuse to come back down

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Why is PETA such an inefficient organization?

They refuse to kill two birds with one stone

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I refuse to insult someone by saying that they have mental issues

Only retards do that

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Two old soldiers are reflecting during a visit to the town where they grew up.

The first soldier had had both arms amputated at the elbow following after the war, and the second both legs at the knee.

After a while of gazing upon old buildings and storefronts, the men come across a statue in the town park; the statue shows signs of age and neglect.

The second remarks to the first, "I just don't know what has gotten into people these days.


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