Randy

Jokes

Jack and Jill

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Jack and Jill

Jack and Jill went up the hill
So Jack could lick her candy
But Jack got a shock
And a mouth full of cock
Cause Jill’s real name is Randy

-told by a local drag queen. Happy pride month!

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I came home from work to find my wife with Randy Newman.

All she said was you got a friend in me.

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The Story of Mike Doe

Hey, my name’s Mike Doe, and this is my story. I had a friend in college, my freshman roommate, who was always talking about his family. His name was Robert Gooding, and he must’ve had a family tree that started from Adam and Eve. Every single day he would drone on and on about some cousin or uncle or some such. He would always burst into the room saying things like, “Hey Mike! <


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A farmer buys a rooster to service his 200 hens. When he gets the rooster into the barnyard, he tells him, "Randy, I want you to pace yourself now. You've got a lot of chickens to service here, and you cost me a lot of money. Have fun, but take your time."

The farmer points him toward the henhouse and the rooster takes off like a shot.

WHAM! Randy nails every hen in the henhouse, three or four times. Randy runs out and sees a flock of geese down by the lake. WHAM! He nails all the geese. Randy runs to the pigpen, the cow pasture -- soon, he's been on every animal on the farm.

The farmer is distraught, worried that his


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I was mangled by a bear I encountered in the woods.

His name was Randy. Nice guy. We are going out for drinks on Friday.

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This farmer has about 200 hens, but no rooster and he wants chicks.

So, he goes down the road to the next farmer and asks if he has a rooster. The other farmer says, "yeah, I've got this great rooster, named randy; he'll service every chicken you've got. No problem"

well, Randy the rooster is a lot of money, but the farmer decides he'd be worth it. so, he buys Randy. The farmer takes Randy home and sets him down in the ba


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Why did Randy Newman start doing country music?

The genre was practically made for him. It's a whole genre dedicated to singing about the mundane or what the writer sees when they have writer's block.

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Bored one night, I made the mistake of asking my wife about her celebrity crush

a fan of wrestling, with almost no hesitation she says "Randy Orton"

"Randy Orton, really?" I blurt out, nonplussed.

"I just can't see myself with John Cena"

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Jack and Jill went up to the hill so jack could eat her candy

But Jack got a shock and a mouthful of cock because Jill's real name was Randy

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When Randy Newman was in jail, what did he say to the prisoner that was holding him down while a second prisoner was raping him from behind?

You’ve got a friend in me

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What were Macho Man Randy Savage's last words?

"OOHhhh NOOOOooooo"

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A farmer buys a rooster to service his 200 hens.

A farmer buys a rooster to service his 200 hens. When he gets the rooster into the barnyard, he tells him, "Randy, I want you to pace yourself now. You've got a lot of chickens to service here, and you cost me a lot of money. Have fun, but take your time."

The farmer points him toward the henhouse and the rooster takes off like a shot.

WHAM! Randy nails eve


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My name's Mike Doe, and this is my story.

Hey, my name’s Mike Doe, and this is my story. I had a friend in college, my freshman roommate, who was always talking about his family. His name was Robert Gooding, and he must’ve had a family tree that started from Adam and Eve. Every single day he would drone on and on about some cousin or uncle or some such. He would always burst into the room saying things like, “Hey Mike! Y


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Randy staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddies

He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Kathleen.

He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.

Managing n


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What's Macho Man Randy Savage's favourite capital city?

Skopje!!

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Nsfw. My wife and I had not had sex in a couple months but this morning she woke up randy...

He is our neighbor and said her music was up too loud. We still havent had sex.

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Statistically, 1 in 5 of The Jackson's are Randy.

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Randy the Rooster

A farmer has 200 chickens and no rooster, and he wants chicks. So, he goes down the road to the next farmer and asks if he has a rooster. The other farmer says, "yeah, I've got this great rooster, named randy; he'll service every chicken you've got. No problem"

Well, Randy the rooster is a lot of money, but the farmer decides he'd be worth it, so, he buys


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What did the umpire say when Randy Johnson hit a bird with his pitch?

Fowl ball.

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A hole in my heart

There's a hole in my heart ever since Macho Man Randy Savage died a hole that can only be filled if I snap into a slim Jim

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Old man goes to the dentist.......

Old man goes to the dentist for his annual checkup. Not even a minute into it, the dentist suddenly stops and asks him.
-Sorry, but I have to ask you this. Did you do a 69 last night?
The old man is amazed!!
-Doc, how did you know? The old lady was kind randy, but I flossed, brushed my teeth and used mouthwash.
-No no, you breath is fine, it's your forehead that smells


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What's the difference between a professional wrestler and having sex on a beach?

One is a Randy Savage, and one is a sandy ravage.

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A man gets his wife's name tattooed on him for a wedding gift...

Just before they leave on their honeymoon to Jamaica Randy gets his wife's name, Wilma, tattooed on his penis. Only when he is flaccid you can only see the "W" and the "A" part of the tattoo. One night while they are out at a bar getting drunk, Randy heads into the restroom. While standing at the urinal he happens to see the guy next to him has a "W" and an "


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Little Johnny wanted to know what magic was

So he asked his mother "mommy, what's magic?"
"Dear, I'm far too busy, ask your brother" she replied.

So Johnny went and asked his older brother Dave. "Hey Dave, what's magic?"
"None of your business, ask someone else!" Dave snapped.

So little Johnny was left to ask his odd Uncle Randy. "Uncle Rand


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Randy Newman Sings Frozen Song

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Why did the girl break up with the Objectivist?

He was just too randy all the time.

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Sam Clam's Disco.

Carrie the crab was excited, because her friend same Sam Clam was having a disco party. She told her other friend, Randy Ray, that she would bring her harp to play beautiful music in between disco songs. That night, there was much drinking and playing and fun had by all.

The next day, Carrie looked very sad. Randy Ray asked "what's wrong?"

Carrie replied, &


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Sex amp Superheroes

It's annual superheroes new year's party. Batman and Spiderman are chatting.

All of a sudden the Hulk rushes in all red and perplexed.

"Whats up?" asked Batman.

"Well I was upstairs looking for the toilet and I passed the bedroom and saw Wonder Women naked on the bed and moaning and groaning. I started feeling randy and thought wha


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You ever hear of Randy the Brown Nosed Reindeer?

He was as quick as Rudolph but couldn't stop as fast.

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This farmer has about 200 hens, but no rooster...

and he wants chicks. So, he goes down the road to the next farmer and asks if he has a rooster. The other farmer says, "yeah, I've got this great rooster, named randy; he'll service every chicken you've got. No problem"

well, Randy the rooster is a lot of money, but the farmer decides he'd be worth it. so, he buys Randy. The farmer takes Randy home and s


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Insane Randy Quaid

Randy Quaid was confronted by Satan a while back. It was time to pay for his unlikely Hollywood success. With him was a giant wheel of fortune, each segment was a movie that Randy had appeared in. "Spin the wheel. You will live the rest your life as that character."

Shoulda never been in 4 National Lampoon movies.


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