Quote

Jokes

Famous quotes...

One Friday morning, a teacher telss her students, "I'm gonna give you a famous quote, and whoever can tell me who is famous for the quote can take the rest of the day off...first quote: 'If I want to be the father of my country, I cannot tell a lie...I chopped down the cherry tree'."

Little Suzie raises her hand and says, "That was George Washington!"


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Quote of the week

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What is a cat's least favorite toy story quote?

To Alinity and beyond (I'm sorry)

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Mr. Rogers quote... meta

When I was a boy I would see funny jokes on my newsfeed, my mother would say to me, “Look at the comments, you will always find more funny jokes there.”

-stolen from a rando meme
(Replace [jokes] with [memes] for the original.)

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Explain your sex life with one spongebob quote

Are you ready kids

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What is Donald Trump's all time favorite movie quote?

"ENGLISH MOTHERFUCKER - DO YOU SPEAK IT!?"
From Pulp Fiction.

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What would be the best Thanos quote to say during a funeral and sex?

I'm sorry, little one

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My favorite quote

No - Rosa Parks

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Lawyer: my client claims the altercation began because -and I quote- he came at me sideways

Crab: ‘’ in my defense....’’

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A man walked into a bank to borrow $50,000.

"That can probably be arranged", said the bank officer. "But that is a lot of money. I'll need a statement from you. "
"Ok," said the man, "you may quote me as saying I'm very optimistic."

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The Quote That Will Forever Live Forever

History Teacher: "What started World War I?"

Friend(who sits behind me): "Fortnite!"

Class: Laughing

History Teacher: Walks over to the quote board and writes it down whilst smiling

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Trying to hook my friend up with a girl I know.

Not sure if this belongs here. But I tried to hook my friend up with a girl I knew from back home we are in the military so I figured he didnt have the pressure of meeting here he could get to know her then arrange a trip so I am on face time with her you know saying he is the best thing since slice bread. He said let me talk to her and break the awkwardness when you first meet. He says and I quot


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You either die a Hero, or you live long enough to see yourself become the Villain

After several fights, Batman finally cornered Joker and he's sure he can put the Joker in jail forever.

Before he arrested Joker, he asked. "You know Harvey Dent once said" "You either die a Hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the Villain". "What do you think about that?"

"Oh, that quote" Joker laughed. "Harve


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I keep seeing people quote Jean-Luc Picard on Reddit

but I can't find anything about him in the history books.

It almost feels as if he is a made up person.

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I asked President Trump to quote a Bible verse.

"Jesus Wept. Sad!"

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IF YOU DONT GET IT READ IT AGAIN

“just because it has a quote next to it, don’t believe everything you see on the internet” - Abraham Lincoln

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My girlfriend threatens to leave me every time I quote Mr Brightside.

But it’s just the price I pay

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Ling ling famous quote

“If you can play it slowly, you can play it fast”

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An Italian man and a six sided polygon finally file for divorce...

His main reason for the unhappy marriage you ask? Court records show that he stated in a brutal custody battle for his children it was, and I quote, "because a da sexagon"

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Divorced Virgin

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced five men. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, “Please be gentle, I’m still a virgin.”

“What?” said the puzzled groom. “How can that be if you’ve been married five times?”

“Well,” the bride said. “Husband 1 was a sales representative; he kept


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I hate people who quote misspelled text

They make me (sic).

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Quote You must bring the change you wish to see.

- Parking meters, gumball machines and bus conductors.

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I'm not happy with the quote to insure my colon...

I'm gonna be paying out the ass.

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What Batman quote would best describe your sex life?

“I work alone”

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What is a quote by Goku called?

A Super Saiyan

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Can drinking bleach really kill you? We asked our listeners to try it out and none of them called back to tell me theyre dead so I think not

One of my fav quote from C&H

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The government was seeking for tenders to build a bridge

On Monday, the first contractor had a meeting with the minister.

"What's your quote?" the minister asked.

"$300 million" said the contractor.

"How do you come up with that figure?"

"Well," said the contractor, quietly, "$100 million for you, $100 million for me, and $100 million to actually buil


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Ive just done a quote for painting Dr Whos TARDIS.

$50 for the outside, $400 for the inside.

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What's the easiest way to get banned from rThe_Donald?

Just quote the man himself.

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When someone asks what a Nietzsche quote means

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Inspirational Quote: An ugly man with a good sense of humor

is still ugly.

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When someone wants you to speak a quote

Me:

Fuck the fucking fuckers before the fucking fuckers fuck you.

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My girlfriend tells me that I quote Donald Trump way too much.

She's spreading fake news. Sad!

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What famous historical figure said, and I quote, "I have a pear"?

Martin Luthor King Jr. but I was pearaphrasing

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Barbara Walters is interviewing Neil Armstrong in 2010 about him being the first man on the moon.

Barbara Walters (BW) says to Neil Armstrong (NA) "It's a great honor to interview you Mr. Armstrong. (NA) replies, "Happy to be here". Then (BW) asks him "As a young journalist hearing you speak those famous words for the first time". "One small step for man, one giant leap for Mankind", "I had to ask myself, did you make up that quote on the spot?, did


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Mickey and Minnie Mouse are in divorce court. Judge: Mickey you want to divorce Minnie because and I quote shes fucking crazy?

Mickey: No she’s not fucking crazy I said she’s fucking Goofy.

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"Dead or alive, you're coming with me." is a great movie quote...

...but a terrible pickup line.

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Christmas Is Coming.

The older you get, the more this sounds like a Game Of Thrones quote.

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"Dead or alive, you're coming with me."




Great movie quote, terrible pickup line…

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One day everything we say or do will have been done before and nothing will be original.

- Quote from my brother

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Famous last quote

No, no, he'll never be able to shoot me from that dist..

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A quote best read aloud..

*"I really hate small trees. I hold many prejudiced opinions about them"*

**- Bigger tree**

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A quote best read aloud..

*"I really hate small trees. I hold many prejudiced opinions about them"*

**- Bigger tree**

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A quote best read aloud..

*"I really hate small trees. I hold many prejudiced opinions about them"*

**- Bigger tree**

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To quote the UN today

#"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

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A quote from the guy who invented the stationary exercise bike...

"My life is going nowhere."

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Apple's stock quote has fallen a bit

If it would wear a new Apple Watch Series 4, it would surely detect the fall!

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Case of water - $3.99

Case of Apples - $20.99

Case of Oranges - $25.99

Bag of chips - $2.50

Cigarettes - $8.99

Box of candles - $4.50

Frozen pizzas - $6.50



Asking for a quote of these items - Price List

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An artists struggle.

A guy wants a large self-portrait comissioned. When he is given a quote, he gets angry about having to pay for it. The artist replies “I guess you don’t get the big picture”.

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In the Last Crusade Harrison Ford famously said: I dont like fast women...

In 2018 that quote rings even more true

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