Puppet

Jokes

If Jeffery Epstein was truly the puppet master of a hidden child-sex ring, where did he keep all the classified information?

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What did one sock puppet say to the other?

you could use a hand.

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How to kill a sock puppet that's planning to shoot up people?

disarm it

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Free broken puppet! No hidden fees, free shipping, free returns. There's...

no strings attached.

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Broken puppet for sale

No strings attached

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What do you call an endowed puppet?

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Well strung.

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Planning to open a new shadow puppet show. Business plan says well make a fortune, but those are just projected figures.

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Kermit walks in for a prostate exam

He walks in and tells him to put it in anytime

A few minutes pass and Kermit starts to ask what’s going on, he can’t feel anything

The doctor slowly to Kermit and say “Kermit, you don’t have an ass, nor a hole of any kind, also your a puppet that I’m playing with in this mental asylum”


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TIL that its offensive to say puppet

Apparently you’re supposed to call them French instead.

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A black guy, white guy, asian guy and hand puppet are sitting in a bar...

The black guy says, "You know the thing about dating black girls? They're crazy in bed, but you can never trust them around other guys."

The white guy says, "White girls are cute, but they're always spoiled and high-maintenance."

The asian guy says, "Asian girls are intelligent, but they always talk about marriage and kids."
<


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Doctor: Are you sexually active?

Me: [drinking an entire glass of water]
My puppet: No.

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What is small and likes to get fisted ?

A hand puppet.

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OC If they wanted an orange puppet at the helm, Ernie should have run for other team.

At least the hand up his ass is an American.

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What did the stoner say to the puppet clown who wheeled into his room on a tricycle?

Saw dude.

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Abe Lincolns assistant tells Lincoln he needs to go to a play.

He replied “I need to see that stupid puppet show like I need a hole in the head”

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Broken puppet for sale!

No strings attached...

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I'm giving away a broken puppet.

No strings attached.

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What did the puppet say when he was depressed

I'm going to Kermit suicide.

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A young man walks into a lamp post

"Ouch!" the lamp post shrieked. "that was hella painful"

Appalled by what he heard, the young man went all crazy and started running down the streets, where he saw road crossing chickens, stupid blondes, fatherless black kids and an insane number of lawyers, engineers, priests, scientists, doctors and door-knockers walking about.

That's when he re


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Theres a fine line between a puppet master and their puppet

That’s how the puppet works

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Glove puppet

No strings attatched

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TIL the word "Muppet" is a combination of "marionette" and "puppet".

It's like how the word "mobster" is a combination of "man" and "lobster".

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FML

Was watching 2 days straight CSGO matches because i was hoping to get those souvenir cases. On 3rd April i found out i was April fooled by friends. Thats propably why a chicken puppet is still glued to my pants and i have this sudden urge to cross the street.

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What do you call a caged puppet?

[deleted]

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Reasons I think I might be a puppet vampire:

1. Ah ha ha!
2. Ah ha ha!
3. Ah ha ha!

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How are puppet shows and politics similar?

They are both a bunch of silly characters yapping at each other with someone else's hands up their asses.

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How are puppet shows and politics are the same?

[deleted]

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Yo mama joke(FNAF2)

Yo mama is so ugly that even the puppet master was scared of her!

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A Proctologist, whose hand was stuck in his patient's ass came to doctor's office.

Doctor: This is a clinic and not a puppet theater.

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If a young boy dog is called a puppy...

then what is a young girl dog called?

A puppet!

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Puppet Theater

It's almost winter, and a family of bears is getting ready to hibernate in their den. The father and mother bears are almost ready for bed, but the baby bear just won't fall asleep.

**Baby Bear**: Daddy! Daddy! Do the puppet theater!
**Father Bear**: No, it's past your bedtime. Go to sleep. Besides, you've seen it a million times already.
**Baby


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Apparently, arguing with your sock puppet on the bus is not what those "normal is overrated" posts are about.

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