Just found this very promising article of procrastination
I think I'll read it tomorrow
I just heard they discovered a new HIV cure in mice that could be promising
I guess it's just too hard to make condoms for mice nowadays
Did you hear about the doctor who set up a new office every month?
Each one looked promising but he'd get frustrated and close it and move to a new location.
He just didn't have the patients.
Sitting at a promising job interview panel, the moderator asked, "what is perhaps your greatest weakness?" To which I responded, "some people say that I'm brutally honest." She said, "some may consider that a strength." I say, "WELL I DON"T GIVE A SH\*T WHAT YOU THINK, KAREN!
I had friend once tell that she saw a presidential candidate wearing a boot on his head promising everyone ponies.
I'm not mental but I think she might be sometimes.
Why would believe anything a politician says? They are all liars.
Saudi-Arabia has developed teleportation technology in order to sustain their economy when oil is depleted.
First tests in their embassies are promising, but apparently there are still issues with the part that is supposed to make one reappear.
This Christmas seems promising for Apple
An X-mas will be released by then
It seems like every week there's another headline about scientists finding a promising treatment that cures cancer in mice.
If these guys worked on curing cancer in humans instead we'd probably have it licked by now.
I've been developing this joke for about a week. Three beavers walk into a big city...
That's what I've got so far, I felt like it had a really promising start so I wanted to share it on here.
Facebook is promising to protect users from data misuse.
Meanwhile, Darth Vader is teaching CPR.
Surgeons who listen to music during operations perform better than those who don't.
I also perform better with music on, however I'm not promising that my cock will bring them back to life.
If you get an email promising free Nickelback tickets..
DONT CLICK THE LINK!
You'll actually be given free tickets to a Nickelback concert.. F'n gross.
Rihanna gave up a promising stand-up career
Chris Brown always beat her to the punchline
My girlfriend is like a Infinite Lists video
It was promising at the beginning, but I wish I never saw it.
Spring is like a deadbeat dad
It keeps promising it'll be there, but never shows up.
Did you hear about that promising new male porn star?
His studio described him as "up and cumming".
I got an email from a Mongolian king...
I got an email from a Mongolian king, promising me millions and everyone warned me it was a con, but I was like "Yeah guys, I know it's a Khan. That's what a king from Mongolia is called."
How many Turks does it takes to screw a light bulb?
I tried 80 million contractor and All of them are still promising They are gonna finish the job by the next week.
The most promising show of 2016 in the Middle East could be...
"To Catch a Predator Drone"
War. What is it good for?
Some people say "nothing", but my stock portfolio's looking promising.
How could Cruz win?
By promising to self-deport.
Sweet little prank call program - still trying it out, but looks very promising
A physicist with an idea for research was asking the college board for funds.
The chairman responded: "Your proposal sounds really interesting, but it's way too expensive for this college. This is the problem we always have with physicists, they bring promising projects that we could never afford. I wish you were more like mathematicians. They come once every September asking for a notebook, a pencil and an eraser and that keeps them working all year round. Or lik
What do you call a poop that starts out promising, yet turns into a nasty case of diarrhea?
Robert Griffin the Turd
Since football isn't working out for Mr. Rice,
it's comforting to know he has a promising future in women's boxing.
Is sex without obligations possible after getting married?
Yeah - sometimes I can have sex without promising to do the dishes afterwards.