Progress

Jokes

A psychiatrist congratulated his patient on making such good progress.

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If you're not making progress...

Are you making congress?

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Sometimes you have to step on people's toes if you want to progress in life.

Unless you want to be a professional ballroom dancer.

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Weight loss

My skinny friend keeps trying to lose weight. I keep telling him he's making progress, you can barely see his love ribs anymore.

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Two guys are talking when one says, Hey I finally finished that book I was writing about the indefinite continued progress of existence and events in the past, present, and future regarded as a whole.

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How did the Nazis track the progress of the Holocaust?

Using burndown charts.

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If the opposite of pro is con...

Then that must mean the opposite of progress is Congress.

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If the opposite of pro is con, what is the opposite of progress?

Congress

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If the opposite of PRO is CON, then the opposite of progress is

regress

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I suffer from sinistrophobia, fear of the direction left.

But I’m making progress, my therapist is all right.

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The opposite of "pro" is "con" that fact is clearly seen.

If "progress" means "move forward", then what does "Congress" mean?

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So if pro is the opposite of con,

Is progress the opposite of Congress?

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If Con is the opposite of Pro

Is Congress the opposite of Progress?

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My mechanic friend told me he had been working on a tranny for at least two weeks and had made no progress...

...I said wow any ideas on how to make it work?

He replied, "Well I've tried flirting and flowers and telling her she is beautiful but so far nothing."

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Opposite of progress

If Pro is the opposite of Con.


Then what's the opposite of progress.

​

***Congress***

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Opposite

If the opposite of pro is con, is the opposite of progress congress?

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If con is the opposite of pro....

*who's surprised that Congress is the opposite of progress?*

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If pro is the opposite of con, then what's the opposite of progress?

Regress.

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If 'Pro' is Opposite of 'Con'...

What's the opposite of 'Progress'?

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It's been 125,000 generations since the emergence of human species, 7,500 generations since human physiology reached what is essentially its modern state, 500 generations since the agricultural revolution, 20 generations since the scientific revolution...

And 1 generation since I fucked your mom.

Just like you, progress is slow.

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What is common between foreplay and a construction site?

There is always an "erection" in progress.

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Laziness is the engine of progress.

The accountant printed out 50 absolutely clean sheets on the printer. To the question “Why?”, she replied that she needed 50 blank sheets, and she did not want to count them manually.

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A mother taught her son to go to the bathroom by the numbers.

1. Open your fly.

2. Take out your equipment.

3. Pull back the skin.

4. Do your business.

5. Let the skin forward.

6. Stow your equipment.

7. Close your fly."

She checked on him often to make sure he had learned his lesson, and each time heard him through the bathroom door saying, "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6


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A boy and a girl are in a bath tub.

She (pointing between his legs): "What's that thing that is getting longer?"

He (smiling): "It's my progress bar."

She (slapping him in the face): "And that was the cancel button."

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John goes to the doctor for his routine annual physical, along with another person.

Doctor : have you stopped drinking?

John : Yes doc, i have stopped drinking. However if someone "really, really" insists, i do have a drink.

Doctor : it's fine. I am glad you made progress. Who is this person? A dear friend of yours?

John : he is the guy I have hired, to keep on "really really" insisting!!


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If the opposite of pro is con...

Then the opposite of progress is?

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Recovering from the flu

Finally, I feel like I've made some progress getting over this flu I've had for nearly a week.

This morning, I sneezed and did not shit my pants.

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A lot of people say I can't draw because I'm blind...

I think they're right, I see no progress.

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How do boobs save their game progress?

They use a mammary card.

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We can all agree the opposite of pro is con, right?

In that case, the opposite of progress is...

Congress

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A funeral is in progress.

One mourner approaches the grieving widow.

“May I have a word with you?”

She nods, blinking tears from her eyes.

“Plethora.”

“Thank you,” she replies, taking his hand in hers. “That means a lot.”

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What is the opposite of progress?

Congress

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If the opposite of pro is con

Then the opposite of progress is...

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Did you ever hear about the girl who could only shake one side of her butt?

She's a twerk in progress.

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Thousand of years has been passed, we made lot of progress, we understand science and maths better than ever, but still..

x is unknown and xxx is well known

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Progress New personal best today!

Most consecutive days lived.

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If con is the opposite of pro...

Does that mean Congress is the opposite of progress?

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A Redditor, an Italian, a French man, an American and a foreign worker are on a boat...

The captain sets sail with just enough space for each of them and their belongings.

They make good progress the first few days through clear waters. A few nights later however, they wake up in the middle of a thrashing storm.

The boat's progress is halted and they can no longer move. The captain, who's getting worried tells each of the passengers to throw somet


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After an accident, my friend is learning to walk all over again.

His progress is staggering.

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If pro is the opposite of con, what is the opposite of progress?

Congress.

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If pro is the opposite of con. Congress is the opposite of progress.

A

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My little girl just said to me: Dad, how is progress possible if our growth is stunted by perpetual tribalism and xenophobia?

And I said......Wow, you're a German Shepherd, I didn't know you could do that.

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If the opposite of "pro" is "con"

Then the opposite of "progress" would be "congress"

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I've got a meeting with the guy that invented the progress bar during the era of dialup internet. He's going to be here in 2 hours and 13 minutes.

Edit: Apparently he's stuck in traffic and he's going to be here in 6 hours 54 minutes.

Edit2: He's making better progress than thought, he will be here in 12 minutes.

Edit3: Apparently it will now take him 5 days

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If pro is the opposite of con, what's the opposite of progress?

Congress

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Whats the opposite of progress?

Congress.

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My therapist abruptly canceled me as a client.

After I told her I used to follow my last therapist home. Shame, we were making progress, I almost had her cross street

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This woman visited the gynecologist.

The doctor said everything was OK but she had a rather wide vagina, he suggested excersizes. So one day at home the woman put a mirror on the floor to see her progress excersizing. Her husband came in and asked what she was doing. When she explained that she was exercising the husband said "OK watch out for that big whole on the floor."


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What is the difference between a 'pro,' and a 'con?'

I wouldn't pay a constitute to piss on me.

Where do these words come from?

They are derived from progress and congress.

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After millennia men have not made much progress in coming home.

We’ve moved just one letter going from cavern to tavern.

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