Program

Jokes

Remember, NASA's goal for the Apollo program was to build a restaurant in the moon...

Would've had great for, but no atmosphere.

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What did the United States postal service name it's new disabled driver outreach program? OC

Ups and downs!

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A bear started a cleaning program after a season

He gathered all the animals and gave each of them a task.
But 1 animal was missimg, a rabbit.
The bear was searching for him for couple of hours without finding him.
But then he noticed some movement in nearby bush.
He said: "Rabbit is that you ?"
He responded with: "Yes"
Then bear asked: "What are you doing ?"
Rabbit yelled:


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Special High Intensity Training: It is now and always has been the policy of this company to assure all employees are well trained.

Through our Special High Intensity Training program (SHIT), we have given our employees more SHIT than any other company in the area. If any employee feels that he or she could advance to another position by taking more SHIT, please see your supervisor. Our management specialists are trained to assure you get all the SHIT you can handle.

Any individual who feels he or she has not re


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I've spent so much time using an audio program to learn a language on my way to work...

That now I can only drive my car in Spanish.

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My local prison started a program where inmates get together once a week to read poetry

they're calling it "Prose and Cons"

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My wife thinks she is a computer program but no doctor can help. I'm travelling round Europe looking for a cure.

I haven't been able to keep her updated on my travels.

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Have you heard about the new Latin American space program?

They’re calling it “latinx”.

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Have you heard about the new gender-neutral Latin American space program?

They’re calling it “latinx”.

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I've taught my dog to play video games.

His favorites are The Kibble Space Program and Return to Castle Woofenstein.

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What do climate change activists and a computer program have in common?

An Al Gore Rhythm.

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What does a computer program and climate change have in common?

An Al Gore rhythm!!

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I wish there was a computer program that made catchy dance tunes about combating climate change...

In other words: an algorithm that makes Al Gore rhythms.

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A Catholic High School had a legendary American football team

Every year, the team was in the state championship game, and usually won it handily. Every able lad within a few hundred miles wanted to play football for Central Catholic Fighting Knights.

Those who were familiar with the program, knew that the true heart and soul of the Knights football program was Sister Mary Margaret, an aged nun who would, in full habit, get out on the practice f


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Having sex with me is like updating software on a computer running Windows 95.

"The process my take awhile, and the program may seem unresponsive."

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I just finished an anger management program

But now I'm sad it's over.

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A new weight loss program

A man was ordered by his doctor to lose 75 lbs. due to very serious Health risks. As he wondered how in the heck he would ever do it, heran across an ad in the newspaper for a GUARANTEED WEIGHT LOSS PROGRAM. "Guaranteed. Yeah right!" he thought to himself.
But desperate, he calls them up and subscribes to the 3-day/5 pound
weight loss program. The next day there's a knoc


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I have an easy 3 step program on how to pick up petite blonde chicks.

Step 1. Go to a farm.

Step 2. Go to the chicken coop.

Step 3. Find a baby chicken and pick it up.

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Im working with Space X on a program to send Flat Earthers into space to help them prove earth is flat.

But not on bringing them back.

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Two men were talking. Said the first "I went to the theatre last night but had to leave after Act I."

"Why was that?" asked the second.
"Well, the program said 'Act II - one year later', and I couldn't wait."

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My favourite joke: Now Hiring

A dog sees a "Now hiring" poster outside of a computer store. The poster reads:

"Must be able to type. Must be able to program. And must be bilingual. We are an equal opportunity employer."

​

The dog takes the poster in his mouth, and walks in. The manager spots the dog, and decides to humour it, pulling up a chair and a com


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Everyone says that as a nice guygentleman, I'm a dying breed and that I should be on the endanger species list.

I wonder if there is a breeding program for my kind.

Note: First time posting on r/Jokes

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Did you know that Al Gore founded an educational program that uses music to teach math?

It's called "Al Gore Rythms"

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In Star Wars, what language is used to program droids?

JawaScript

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"Dress for the job you want, not the job you have." --career advancement program at my job

Then they fired me for violating the dress code at the bank. Hypocrites. How am I ever going to become a sumo wrestler now?

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Did you know its a requirement for MIT doctorates program to know how to make Ecstasy?

They need it so they can get their MD in MA.

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I just watched a program about beavers

**It was the best dam program I've ever seen**

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Damed good program

I just watched a program about beavers. It was the best dam program I've ever seen.

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Hi! I'd like to submit my application through reddit's pride program

And I'm applying to be a mod to this subreddit.

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I'm so good at programming I don't even need to test before I ship code.

Sent my program last week and haven't heard of any problems since!

Signed,
Richard
Junior Helicopter Auto-Pilot Software Developer

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I'm so good at programming I don't even need to test before I ship code.

Sent my program last week and haven't heard of any problems since!

Signed,
Richard
Junior Auto-Pilot Software Developer

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Harvard Medical School has a new program for the study of bodily functions...

. . . the College of Farts and Sciences.

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The Manhattan Project was an urban development program

It was designed to make city populations explode

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Im currently in a recovering alcoholics program in North Carolina.

But to keep it short, I just tell people I’m in the NCAA.

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What do you call a 12 Step program for people who talk too much?

On and On Anon.

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What is a furries favorite computer program?

Winrawr

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I made a program to generate puns, but I stored them in the wrong type of variable

No pun int. Ended

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Heard thisbone from a musician at our wedding: I've got a really bad waltz addiction

But it's ok, I've entered into a 3-step program

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There should be a 12 step program for people who talk too much...

On-and-on anon

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Sheldon: Is the input to this program in base 10?

Teacher: You are in second grade Sheldon, why are you even asking this?

Sheldon: Well, I want to cover all my bases.

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The Ku Klux Klan has a new retirement program to help boost enrollment...

It's called 401kkk.

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I was watching a BBC Blue Planet documentary about how dolphins and whales communicate through "clicking." There was a part where the researchers needed to through chum in the water to attract the mammals.

I'd say that the entire program really was a bunch of click bait.

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I was watching a Blue Planet documentary about how dolphins and whales communicate through "clicking." There was a part where the researchers needed to through chum in the water to attract the mammals.

I'd say that the entire program really was a bunch of click bate.

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What is a programmers suicide note called?

A goodbye world program

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The Polish space program is planning to send the first man to the sun

When asked how they could keep their crew from burning up, officials stated "We'll go at night."

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What's Jesus's favorite exercise program?

CrossFit

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What happened to the lake after someone was murdered in a mob hit nearby?

Not sure. Some think it entered the Wetness Protection Program.

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I just watched a documentary about beavers

It was the best dam program I’ve ever seen.

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Why did the imam start a weight loss program?

He wanted people to be “more slim”.

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A newly elected Governor decided to implement a program that would raise taxes on the rich

This news did not go down well with a group of wealthy folks, who gathered together to discuss what could be done.

After much debate, one particular Billionaire said he would take care of the matter. He used his wealth to buy up various newspapers and turned them all into Tabloids filled with 'Alternative Facts'.

The Billionaire then used his army of 'Alter


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