Prefer

Jokes

Why do people with asthma prefer to be cremated when they die?

Because they hate coffin.

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Why do rapists prefer jam over jelly?

Because you can't jelly your dick up someones ass

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Do vegetarians prefer moons or asteroids?

Moons, because asteroids are are a little meteor.

(Made up for my kids today)
#dadjoke. #sorry

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Why do sharks prefer saltwater?

Because pepperwater makes them sneeze.

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A friend of mine asked me if I had heard about the Amazon fire...

...I told him that Kindles are nice, but I prefer iPads.

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America has the highest population percentage with a foot fetish...

The Europeans prefer the meter

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What kind of gift cards do illegal immigrants prefer?

Visas

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How many contortionists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just two, but they prefer the spiral kind.

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How to pick up chicks with dicks

Gentle lift them.

They prefer to be called roosters though...

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I bought a toilet brush yesterday

But I gotta say I still prefer toilet paper.

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Why don't executioners ever high-five people?

They prefer to leave 'em hanging

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Rjokes I prefer sex in the rain.

It hides there tears.

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Water Gate was pretty cool.

But 9/10 conspiracy theorists prefer Colgate.

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How does Harry potter prefer to get down a hill?

walking

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jk rolling

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Ladders or stairs?

A friend of mine asked if I prefer stairs or ladders.
I said the latter.

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Why do communists prefer to use only lowercase letter?

Well, because they hate capitalism.

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Why are Reddit posts about electricity never upvoted?

We prefer to give them an upvolt.

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Stop calling me a maggot.

I prefer "homosexual larva."

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My twin brother always takes the stairs, but I prefer the elevator.

I guess....we are raised differently.

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Why don't people take Advil in Thailand?

Because they prefer Thai-lenol.

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Nine out of ten men prefer big boobs.

The tenth guy prefers the nine men.

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Why do anarchists prefer the Imperial system of measurement?

They want to live in a liter-less society!

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Uhhhhhhh

An old grandma brings a bus driver a bag of peanuts every day.

First the bus driver enjoyed the peanuts but after a week of eating them he asked: "Please granny, don't bring me peanuts anymore. Have them yourself.".

The granny answers: "You know, I don't have teeth anymore. I just prefer to suck the chocolate around them.


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Is it offensive

To tell a feminist to suck a cock or they prefer pussy?

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How many narcissists does it take to plug-in an LED lightbulb?

None. They prefer gas lighting.

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I got talking to Sean Connery and I told him that I loved one of his movies. He asked me a question.

"I like Charlie," I answered, "but I must say I probably prefer Martin."

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He stopped and stared at me. "What?" he asked, dumbfounded.

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"You wanted me to tell you about my favourite Sheen," I replied.

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Why does a gay intellectual man prefer not getting mixed with the crowd?

Because he is homogeneous.

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Zip line....

My grandfather was getting measured for a hand made suit at a very upscale tailor. The tailor asked him if he would prefer a zipper or buttons for the fly. Grandad thought about it and said, "Let's go with the buttons they're quieter in the movies."

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Are you a girl?

Because that is the gender I would most likely prefer to have sexual intercourse with.

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I'm a simple man.

I don't like caviar taken out from fish, I prefer fish. I don't like truffles dug out by trained pigs, I prefer pork. I don't like oysters salvaged from the seabed by naked Filippino boys...

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I was accused of being homophobic today

I honestly just prefer apartments

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My sister told me this disgusting incest joke that I unfortunately can't share

We prefer to keep it in the family.

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Studies show 80 Of married men prefer dogs over their wives.

The dogs can’t talk to anybody when the husband beats them.

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How did Bilbo prefer to write code to memory?

Bag Endian

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Is kidnapping legal?

Me: kidnapping I prefer the term surprise adoption
Police: what crack are you on

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Why did the road cross the road?

Because most civil engineers and urban planners prefer intersections over roundabouts.

Badumm tssss.

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People often call me Steven, but I prefer to be thought of a Stodd as I don't confirm to norms.

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I'm not racist." I said to my buddy. "But I prefer my sandwiches cut diagonally." "That's not racist." he said.

"Exactly!" I replied. "I said I wasn't racist."

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Netflix and chill

I prefer sodomy and bottoming

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I find the term rapist offensive

I prefer to be called the Womb Raider

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I was hanging out with this girl yesterday...

She was flirting with me, even I knew it. Suddenly, she takes my hand and drags me to the bedroom. In her outreached hand lies a little blue pill.

"Take this. You'll wake up in your bed and I will be all yours" she says, dragging out the "all" with a devilish smile.

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I ponder for a moment.

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My girlfriends favourite position is 6.9

Personally, I prefer it without the period.

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Do you prefer your bagels toasted?

(Raises drink)........TO BAGELS!!!!!!

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Why aren't more men into learning how to pole dance?

We prefer ballroom

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What brand of tools do lesbian contractors prefer?

Snap-On

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I hate domestic violence

I rather prefer international.

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I prefer my wine like I do my women

Locked in a cellar for 20 years and sold for the highest bidder.

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Dicks and Vaginas are kind like Coke and Pepsi

I strongly prefer one but my dad thinks they taste the same.


-Bo Burnham, songwriter for Sesame Street

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Im happy with my once-a-week garbage pick up.

But I prefer /r/jokes where trash gets recycled almost every single day.

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Apparently many cannibals agree that people that have been in multiple shipwrecks taste better.

You could say that they prefer seasoned survivors.

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