Why do people with asthma prefer to be cremated when they die?
Because they hate coffin.
Why do rapists prefer jam over jelly?
Because you can't jelly your dick up someones ass
Do vegetarians prefer moons or asteroids?
Moons, because asteroids are are a little meteor.
(Made up for my kids today)
Why do sharks prefer saltwater?
Because pepperwater makes them sneeze.
A friend of mine asked me if I had heard about the Amazon fire...
...I told him that Kindles are nice, but I prefer iPads.
America has the highest population percentage with a foot fetish...
The Europeans prefer the meter
What kind of gift cards do illegal immigrants prefer?
How many contortionists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Just two, but they prefer the spiral kind.
How to pick up chicks with dicks
Gentle lift them.
They prefer to be called roosters though...
I bought a toilet brush yesterday
But I gotta say I still prefer toilet paper.
Why don't executioners ever high-five people?
They prefer to leave 'em hanging
Rjokes I prefer sex in the rain.
It hides there tears.
Water Gate was pretty cool.
But 9/10 conspiracy theorists prefer Colgate.
How does Harry potter prefer to get down a hill?
Ladders or stairs?
A friend of mine asked if I prefer stairs or ladders.
I said the latter.
Why do communists prefer to use only lowercase letter?
Well, because they hate capitalism.
Why are Reddit posts about electricity never upvoted?
We prefer to give them an upvolt.
Stop calling me a maggot.
I prefer "homosexual larva."
My twin brother always takes the stairs, but I prefer the elevator.
I guess....we are raised differently.
Why don't people take Advil in Thailand?
Because they prefer Thai-lenol.
Nine out of ten men prefer big boobs.
The tenth guy prefers the nine men.
Why do anarchists prefer the Imperial system of measurement?
They want to live in a liter-less society!
An old grandma brings a bus driver a bag of peanuts every day.
First the bus driver enjoyed the peanuts but after a week of eating them he asked: "Please granny, don't bring me peanuts anymore. Have them yourself.".
The granny answers: "You know, I don't have teeth anymore. I just prefer to suck the chocolate around them.
Is it offensive
To tell a feminist to suck a cock or they prefer pussy?
How many narcissists does it take to plug-in an LED lightbulb?
None. They prefer gas lighting.
I got talking to Sean Connery and I told him that I loved one of his movies. He asked me a question.
"I like Charlie," I answered, "but I must say I probably prefer Martin."
He stopped and stared at me. "What?" he asked, dumbfounded.
"You wanted me to tell you about my favourite Sheen," I replied.
Why does a gay intellectual man prefer not getting mixed with the crowd?
Because he is homogeneous.
My grandfather was getting measured for a hand made suit at a very upscale tailor. The tailor asked him if he would prefer a zipper or buttons for the fly. Grandad thought about it and said, "Let's go with the buttons they're quieter in the movies."
Are you a girl?
Because that is the gender I would most likely prefer to have sexual intercourse with.
I'm a simple man.
I don't like caviar taken out from fish, I prefer fish. I don't like truffles dug out by trained pigs, I prefer pork. I don't like oysters salvaged from the seabed by naked Filippino boys...
I was accused of being homophobic today
I honestly just prefer apartments
My sister told me this disgusting incest joke that I unfortunately can't share
We prefer to keep it in the family.
Studies show 80 Of married men prefer dogs over their wives.
The dogs can’t talk to anybody when the husband beats them.
How did Bilbo prefer to write code to memory?
Is kidnapping legal?
Me: kidnapping I prefer the term surprise adoption
Police: what crack are you on
Why did the road cross the road?
Because most civil engineers and urban planners prefer intersections over roundabouts.
People often call me Steven, but I prefer to be thought of a Stodd as I don't confirm to norms.
I'm not racist." I said to my buddy. "But I prefer my sandwiches cut diagonally." "That's not racist." he said.
"Exactly!" I replied. "I said I wasn't racist."
Netflix and chill
I prefer sodomy and bottoming
I find the term rapist offensive
I prefer to be called the Womb Raider
I was hanging out with this girl yesterday...
She was flirting with me, even I knew it. Suddenly, she takes my hand and drags me to the bedroom. In her outreached hand lies a little blue pill.
"Take this. You'll wake up in your bed and I will be all yours" she says, dragging out the "all" with a devilish smile.
I ponder for a moment.
My girlfriends favourite position is 6.9
Personally, I prefer it without the period.
Do you prefer your bagels toasted?
(Raises drink)........TO BAGELS!!!!!!
Why aren't more men into learning how to pole dance?
We prefer ballroom
What brand of tools do lesbian contractors prefer?
I hate domestic violence
I rather prefer international.
I prefer my wine like I do my women
Locked in a cellar for 20 years and sold for the highest bidder.
Dicks and Vaginas are kind like Coke and Pepsi
I strongly prefer one but my dad thinks they taste the same.
-Bo Burnham, songwriter for Sesame Street
Im happy with my once-a-week garbage pick up.
But I prefer /r/jokes where trash gets recycled almost every single day.
Apparently many cannibals agree that people that have been in multiple shipwrecks taste better.
You could say that they prefer seasoned survivors.