Possession

Jokes

Barry Larry Terry

Was arrested for unlawful possession of a wild raccoon and for not having headlights on his bicycle.

[You think I'm kidding?](

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Girlfriend got pulled over by the police today...

My Girlfriend got pulled over today when she was trying to flick her cigarette butt out the window. As she flicked it, it went up the side of her arm and actually lit her arm hair on fire.

Police charged her with possession of an unlicensed firearm.

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Whatever happened to the guy who grew a ton of trees in his backyard?

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3 Frogs are hanging out... (NSFW)

One was named Milly, who rarely left her Lilly pad, Billy, who was hopping mad, and Rodger who was arrested on possession of tad pole porn

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What was the demon arrested for?

Possession

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Why couldnt Sam and Dean Winchester exercise the spirits?

Possession is 9/10 of the law.

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Sally was trying to sell sea shells by the sea shore, but the cops put her in jail.

She was charged with possession of conchtraband.

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My wife told me she keeps forgetting the word for taking possession of something without authority...

I told her, "It's common, dear".

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I dated a demon once

He said I was his most prized possession

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I got a call the very first time i sent my dick pic

From the FBI, for possession of child pornography

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My neighbor was arrested yesterday when the cops found him hiding cocaine up his butt.

He was charged with possession of crack cocaine.

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The local barber in my town was just arrested for drug possession.

This surprised me because I've been his customer for years, and I never knew he was a barber...

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A demon took over my buddy's body, so I called the cops.

They charged him with possession.

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Why cant you legally evict a ghost from a persons body?

Because Possession is nine tenths of the law

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What did the kid of the stoner parents get after the divorce?

Marijuana possession

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Why do they call it marijuana possession

And not joint custody

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Who got arrested for weed possession during the black death?

the executioner, he was always stoning people.

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A local barber in my town was just arrested for drug possession.

This surprised me because I've been his customer for years and I never knew he was a barber......

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A dolphin was arrested for weed possession.

Cop: Is this your Marijuana, sir?

Dolphin: No sir, it's for my cousins. Strictly for medical porpoises.

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Why was the ghost arrested?

Possession

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A man walked into a bar. The bartender asked him "so, why the long face?"

The man said, "Well, my grandpa died. We had the funeral yesterday".

"Oh, I'm so sorry", said the bartender. "Here, have this one on the house".

​

"Well thanks, but that's not all," said the man. "You see, today morning, his will was read. I used to think that I was his favorite, but then h


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Did you hear about the drug dealer's ghost?

He was arrested for *possession.*

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Why was the ghost arrested?

Possession of Marijuana

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There was once a women on the side of the highway.

She had been driving for hours and had to stop for gas. While filling up her car tank she spilled a little gasoline on her arm. She got back in her car and lit a cigarette. Her arm lit up in flames. 15 seconds later an officer pulled her over arrested her for possession of a firearm

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A woman was arrested the other day...

Apparently she was pumping gasoline when she spilled a little fuel on her hand. She was in a big hurry so she wiped it as best she could, paid and went on her way. As she was driving down the highway she lit up a cigarette and her hand ignited. A passing police officer immediately crossed the median flipped his lights on and pulled her over. She was arrested and charged with possession of a firear


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Renting Videos In The Mid 90's Was Risky

In about 1994, I walked down the local video store to rent the latest Keanu Reeves video and while walking back home to enjoy watching the movie I was suddenly surrounded by police cars and quickly arrested.

I was later charged with being in possession of Speed.

The funny thing is my friend did the same about three years later, this time while renting out a Sandra Bullock


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I made up this joke: My dearest possession is my toilet

It has been with me through thick and thin

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An unusual present.

I was asked what's my most unusual possession was. A friend once gave me an EpiPen while he was dying, it seemed very important to him that I have it.

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What's a Teddy Bear's most prized possession?

Cotton balls.

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Who decided to call it "marijuana possession"

…and not "joint custody?"

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Marijuana Possession?

More like joint custody.

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Who decided to call it "marijuana possession"...

...and not "joint custody?"

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I once knew a ghost that was against possession.

John the Marxist thoroughly believed that property was theft.

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A woman came into the police station sobbing. "A ghost has taken control of my husband" she cried.

The officer took her statement and conferred with his partner. He turned back to the woman and said confidently, "Dont worry about it, we deal with this kind of thing all the time, possession is 9/10ths of the law."

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I bought a Jell-O mold in the shape of a handgun

The first time I used it the Jell-O came out and it looked perfect. Immediately the cops busted down my door and arrested me. I was charged with possession of a congealed weapon.

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My most prized possession is a genuine traditional coffee pot hand crafted in an artisanal workshop on the slopes of a Mexican volcano.

It’s a proper Popocatepetl kettle.

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Why did SpongeBob get arrested?

possession of seaWEED

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I hate playing football with Satan -

no matter what skills I use, he always has possession.

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I was caught by police with illegal possession of drugs

I was caught by police with illegal possession of drugs

When then officer caught me I exclaimed that it wasn't my fault because whenever I would flush them down the toilet they would magically reappear into my pocket

The police officer chuckled and said he didn't believe me

So I asked if I could show him, which he allowed me to

So I flu


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My niece was the victim of demonic possession FOR THE SECOND TIME.

She was repossessed.

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The Band ACDC was Arrested For Firearm Possession...

They told the officer they only Shoot to Thrill

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What did the demonic junkie get charged with?

Two counts of possession

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Whats The Devils Favorite Style Of Football?

Possession

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My son was just arrested for bringing a tripod to school because they thought it was a gun...

The police report said "Shooter known to be in possession of weapons of mass production."

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Why did the nun get charged with possession?

Because she had a drug habit.

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When Snoop Dogg was born, he had 3pounds ..

in his possession.

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Why do demons love apostrophes?

They show possession.

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Why did the ghost go to jail?

He got arrested for possession.

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Did you hear about the policeman who arrested the two boys, one who had a battery in possession and the other a firework?

He charged one and let the other off.

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What was the demon arrested for?

Possession.

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