Polish

Jokes

When a woman removes polish with chemicals no one bats an eye.

When Hitler removes polish with chemicals, everyone loses their shit!

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A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.

First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test.

The optician showed him a card with the letters

'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'

'Can you read this?' the optician asked.

'Read it?' the Polish guy replied, 'I know the guy.'

edit: FUCKYEAH tnx for the upvotes, kind strangers


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Why did the polish helicopter crash

The pilot got cold and turned off the fan

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What do panties and nail polish have in common?

Both come off with alcohol

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Some Polish Sausage

A man goes into a store and tells the clerk, "I'd like some Polish sausage."
The clerk looks at him and says, "You must be Polish"
The guy, clearly offended, says, "Well, yes I am. But let me ask you something."
" If I had asked for Italian sausage would you ask me if I was Italian?"
"Or if I had asked for German bratwurst,


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Nobody panics when things go "according to plan".....

If women remove polish with chemicals, nobody panics, because it is all "part of the plan",

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But when Hitler removed Polish with chemicals, well then EVERYBODY LOSES THEIR MIND!!!

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A Polish man calls 911

Operator: 911 what's your emergency?

Pole: Help! My wife is trying to kill me!

Operator: How do you know?

Pole: I checked her medicine cabinet and found Polish remover!

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Why is it that the nazis always had the prettiest shoes?

They always at a bit on polish on them!

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A Polish man married a Canadian girl after he had been in Canada a year or so, and although his English was far from perfect, the couple got on very well.

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My Polish grandmother used to perform for a ballet company...

It was always awkward listening to her Pole Dancing stories.

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NSFW Whats similar between nail polish and panties?

They both come off with alchohol.

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A polish pilot is going in for a landing when he realizes the runway is not long enough. After putting on the emergency breaks he screeches to a halt, missing the airport with the nose of the plane by mere feet.

The enraged pilot told the reporters later on "This is an obvious design flaw in American airports, why the hell would they make the landing strips so short? Or so unbelievably wide!?"

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When a woman removes polish with chemicals, nobody bats an eye.

But when Hitler removes Polish with chemicals, everyone loses their shit.

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Three guys are sitting in a bar

The first guy says, "Hey, you two wanna hear a Polack joke?". The bartender says "Hey, take it easy, I'm Polish". The first guy says "That's ok, I'll tell it slow"

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How does a polish men calls a girl with big curves?

Kurve's much!

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What does woman and nail polish have in common?

They both go down easily with alcohol.

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I polish metal for a living at a company called Reeves

An African woman came up to me and asked if I could clean these keys she found.. As I handed them back I jokingly said "your key a new"

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A man walks into a bar

He tells the bartender and the staff “I’ve got this great joke about polish men.”
The bartender replies “before you go on, you should know we’re polish”
The man says “ok, then I’ll tell it slowly.”

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People are such hypocrites

When women remove polish with chemicals no one cares but when Hitler removes the polish with chemicals everyone freaks out

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I have a Polish friend who is an audio engineer.

And a Czech one too. Czech one too.

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What does a polish bride get on her wedding night that is long and hard?

a new last name

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How did the Polish mother teach her son to put on his underwear?

Yellow in the front, brown in the back.

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Why should you never polish your sword before a battle?

Because seeing shiny things turns you into an over the top nice guy.

Edit: ohhhh thanks for the gold! I feel so blessed!

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How can you tell if a groom is Polish?

He would be the one with the clean bowling shirt.

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A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.

First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test.

The optician showed him a card with the letters

' Z A S T R Z E Z Y N S K I '

'Can you read this?' the optician asked.

'Read it?' the Polish guy replied, 'I know the guy.'

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Yesterday I went to the Polish embassy.....

It was really shiny

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What do Hitler and Costco have in common?

They both got rid of the Polish.

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Old Polish Joke.

What do you call a group of Polacks in Pakistan?

A pack of Stanleys.

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A polish guy asks a japanese guy a question.

Polish: Why is Japan the least obese country in the world?

Japanese: Did I tell you what happened the last time we had a fat man in Japan?

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A Polish Guy Goes to the Eye Doctor

A Polish guy goes to the eye doctor for a checkup. He sits in the chair and the eye doctor says to him, "Can you read the chart on the wall?"

The guy replies, "Read it? I know him!"

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Polish girl at gynecologist

A Polish girl went to the gynecologist. She disrobed and got up into the stirrups.

The doctor was so shocked at the neglectful state of her vagina he asked, "When was the last time you had a checkup?"

"Well, to be honest with you," she blushed, "I've never had a Czech up there, but I have had several Hungarians.”


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Polish Popes First Attempt at Speaking Italian

Back in 1978 : Karol Józef Wojtyla, born in Wadowice, Poland, was elected Pope. Not only was he the first Non-Italian pope elected in over 400 years, he was the first Polish Eminence elected ever. That being said, the biggest concern about his election was the fact that he was not Italian and the members of the Catholic church in Rome were worried about John Paul the second proficiency in


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An American and a Polish farmer are riding the train together through Europe.

Feeling hungry the Polish farmer pulls an apple out of his bag.

American asks:

\- What is that?

\-This? An apple.

\- Ha Ha! Apples in America are 3 times that size.

Some time goes by, Polish farmer wants another snack. He takes a carrot out of his bag.

American asks:

\- What's that sir?

\-


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My Top 10 Favorite Jokes

1. I can't wait until we unlock the other 98% of the milk!
2. David lost his ID, now he's just Dav.
3. What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter because he's not coming.
4. What do you call a unicorn without a horn? A horse, you idiot.
5. Are monsters good at math? Not unless you Count Dracula.
6. What do you call an alligator in a v


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Polish Girl at a Gynecologist

“A Polish girl went to the gynecologist. She disrobed and got up into the stirrups.

The doctor was so shocked at the neglectful state of her vagina he asked, "When was the last time you had a checkup?"

"Well, to be honest with you," she blushed, "I've never had a Czech up there, but I have had several Hungarians.”


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Best Indie Nail polish brands? - Unique colors?

I have been looking into Indie Nail polish.
Mostly for the unique colors. I am really into minimal nail art.

What are some good indie nail polish brands to check out? What colors should I try?

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What nationality is Santa Claus?

North polish.

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Women remove polish with chemicals all the time.

But when Hitler removed the Polish with chemicals, everyone thought he did something wrong. Why can't a man wear nail polish? Feminists these days.

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Women remove polish from their fingers and no one cares. (read all of it)

While when Hitler removed the Polish with chemicals it was called a disaster. Jeez feminists these days.

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What's long and hard that a Polish bride gets on her wedding night?

A new last name.

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International exits

Polish exit: leaving the party without saying goodbye.

British exit: saying goodbye very dramatically several times but not leaving.

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A Polish immigrant in America goes to the optometrist

The doctor tells him that, to prevent memorization, they are using new, unique templates for reading exams. He pulls out a poster and hangs it on the wall. The Polish man is instantly puzzled.

"Oh?" says the doctor, "Are you familiar with this one?"

The Polish man replies "Yes, he's my brother."


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Yossel Zelkovitz worked in a Polish pickle factory.

Yossel Zelkovitz worked in a Polish pickle factory.
For many years, he had a powerful, almost uncontrollable desire to put his penis in the pickle slicer.
Unable to stand it any longer, he finally sought professional help from the factory psychologist.


After six months of intense therapy, however, the frustrated therapist gave up. He then advised
Yoss


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During the Segregation, a white man arrives very late in San Francisco...

He has to take a train for Los Angeles in the morning but hasn't booked a hotel.

The only one with free rooms left has a sign saying "BLACK PEOPLE ONLY". In desperation, he pulls out a box of black polish and colors his hands and face. In the dim light and the late hour, it works. The hotel manager informs him that the only free bed left is in a room where someone else


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An American man, a French man, a Turkish man, and a Polish man are sitting in a bar.

The Bartender asked what the four men are most proud of for their country. The American man says: “I’m really proud of the CIA. They know the details of almost every major event in the U.S,. They often even know it before it happens!”
The French man says: “I’m proud of French women. They are very pretty, and it’s very hard to take one to bed.”


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When girls remove polish with chemicals, no one bats an eye, but when Hitler did the same thing, everyone freaked out.

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You can polish shoes

but you can't Polish sausage.

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Guy is driving a highway and decides to stop at a motel

He looks for signs and sees a billboard saying "motel for blacks only". The guy is very tired from driving so he decides to use shoe polish on his face to look like he's black. Then he enters the motel. Receptionist doesn't notice he's disguise so guy gets he's room. Then before getting to sleep he asks receptionist to wake him up at 8 am. In the morning receptionist


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What do you call the stage at a Polish strip club?

Empty. It only has a Pole.

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I once dated a girl who was a part-time stripper.

You could say she was Polish.

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