Player

Jokes

Whats the difference between a baseball player and an orphan?

An orphan doesn’t have a home to run to.

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Why should u never marry a badminton player?

Because love means nothing to them !

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Cop pulled me over

I was pulled over by a cop, for a random breath test

The cop shoved the machine in my face and asked me to count to 5

I counted 1.....2.....3.....4 and looked at him.

He looked back confused, Then I said “I’m a bass player.... I can’t count past 4

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Neymar, the Brazilian football player, had his first parenting lesson with his new son this morning.

"Right," said the midwife, "what should you do if he starts crying and having a tantrum?"
"Show him a yellow card and tell him to get up off the f*****g floor," replied the baby....

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Who's the biggest player in the Hundred Acre Wood?

Eeyore, he's always chasing that tail.

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Why did the banjo player get into heaven?

The devil has standards.

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Canoe

Three explorers - a preacher, a poet and a banjo player - are lost in the jungle and captured by a tribe of cannibals.

The cannibals tell the three they will be sacrificed to provide skins for the tribal canoes - and because this is such an important and sacred ritual, each of them can make a wish, and if it's in the tribe's power to provide it, the wish will be granted.


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What do you call an MTG player who's also a flat-earther?

A planeswalker.

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My PE teacher once told me why there's 45 minutes of play every half of a soccer game.

The number of minutes is adjusted to the number of balls in the field. There's 2 team consists of 11 player each, who each has 2 'balls'.

So in total there's 44 ball plus 1 ball played, you got the number of minutes in soccer; 45.

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Did you hear about the fat man who gave money to a piano player?

He really tipped the scales.

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For me, sex is like a game

Single player

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Elton John is an incredible piano player

But I heard he really sucks on the organ.

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A baseball manager calls up a Chinese rookie from the minor leagues

The player shows up before his first game and goes to take batting practice. The manager sees him walking to the batter's box with a frying pan sitting on his head. He says "You can't wear a frying pan in the batter's box, son. You need a helmet."

The player responds: "This is my lucky frying pan, it belonged to my grandfather. Please let me wear it."


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During a Dungeons and Dragons game, I thought it would be cool to instate a ranking system for my wizard guild

Everything went alright until I made the black player a grand wizard

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A woman enters a crowded bus and squeezes through the crowd. As she passes by a man playing chess on his phone, her hand accidentally touches his crotch.

"Oh, I'm sorry!" she blurts.

"Sorry won't do," says the man. "I'm a chess player. If you touch it, you must play it!"

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What do you call a deep voiced singer whos always grabbing his crotch?

A bass ball player

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Never date a tennis player...

Love means nothing to them.

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How do u stop a Michigan football player from jacking off?

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You hear about the gay football player?

Rookie season he was a tight end. Now he's a wide receiver.

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Why would a tennis player make a good dad?

He would have a good backhand

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A man walks into a casino and sees The Hulk sitting amidst a pile of rubble and dead bodies. He is mortified and asks The Hulk, WHY?!?

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NEVER, I REPEAT NEVER MARRY A TENNIS PLAYER!

Love means nothing to them

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What do you call a tennis player who never wraps it up

Andy Roddick

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It is the day that the shirt numbers are assigned at Coxyham High School Football Club.

Bob, a brilliant player, goes next to coach Mr. Jordan and asks "Hey coach, can I get the number 7? That is my favourite number. Plus, it's the number that Cristiano Ronaldo uses and I think it is the perfect shirt number for a left winger like myself. Please!" "I'll look into it," said Mr. Jordan as he walked into the coaches' room. 47 minutes later, the entire


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I dated a tennis player but it didn't work out.

Love meant nothing to him.

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A Polish man married a Canadian girl after he had been in Canada a year or so, and although his English was far from perfect, the couple got on very well.

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I met a tennis player at a bar last night.

He tried to sedeuce me

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Whats the hardest part about being a WNBA player?

Putting on the apron

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Im never dating a tennis player again.

Love means nothing to them.

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What does a bisexual person and an ambidextrous baseball player have in common?

They swing both ways.

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I knew a guitar player who died...

He was going to a gig when he crashed his pickup into the bridge and broke his neck. It appeared his pedal had stopped working.

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Why was the Poker Player so good with the ladies?

He had a good hand

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A rock band was booed by the crowd.

The drum player and the bass player drink in a bar, depressed as fuck, trying to figure out what went wrong.
'It's probably the stage sound', the bass player suggests. 'That engineer can't mix shit in a bowl, let alone sound.'
'Come on, we've had worse. At least the monitors were working.'
'Well, then it's our lead, tha


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Why should you never date a tennis player?

Because love means nothing to them.

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Which NBA player has moves like a mouse?

S. Curry

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Why did the guitar player go to jail?

He fingered A-minor.

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Why is carbon-14 such a player?

It’s great at dating.

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Q: How do you know when a Bass player is successful?

A: His girlfriend has a job.

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Do you know how to tell which kid at the pro belongs to the trombone player?

Can’t swing and doesn’t know how to use the slide.

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Did you hear about the golf player that got arrested for a DUI?

He should've picked a better driver.

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You should never have a tennis player as a girlfriend

Because love means nothing to them

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I used to date a tennis player.

Love meant nothing to her.

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Why did the snooker player go to the bathroom?

He had to pot the brown.

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What do you call a female tennis player with no furniture?

Martina Neverhadasofa

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Never date a tennis player.

Love means nothing to them.

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A middle eastern tennis player got lost in the desert returning from his match

A middle eastern tennis player got lost in the desert returning from his quarter final match. After hours of wondering around he stumbled upon a monk, who offered to direct the man home in exchange for one tennis ball. He consequently did so, and found his way home. The next day, after the semi final, the player got lost once more, and met the monk a second time. This time, he asked for two tennis


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Whos the itchiest soccer player?

Marcus Rashford

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What do you get when a french horn player, a tuba player, a trombone player and 2 trumpet players share a toilet at the same time?

An ass quintet.

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Why did Shakira marry a soccer player?

For his stamina - mina - eh! eh!

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Which fast food chain would be a good basketball player?

Dunkin' Donuts

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