Planning

Jokes

I'm planning to travel to America and wanted to explore real America. What are your suggestions?

Apart from malls.

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Two men are planning to take a trip to Russia

"Now, when we're there, remember that in Russia it's culturally inappropriate to be gay."

"You mean happy or homosexual?"

"Yes"

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"Today I'm planning to read a book on how to avoid information overload"

"But t before I start reading, I need to catch up on my latest tv shows, games, news and reddit, and-"

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Canada is our quiet neighbor next door. They keep to themselves, don't bother anybody. Very polite.

They're probably planning to come down and shoot us all.

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How to kill a sock puppet that's planning to shoot up people?

disarm it

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I was planning on going fishing but forgot some of my gear.

It was an unreel situation.

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Bus stop

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What do you call a couple that practices natural family planning?

Parents.

Apparently, I'm the punchline of this joke.

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I'm planning to run for office.

My car broke down.

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Shakespeare was planning on making Hamlet into a musical, but there was one instrument he was undecided on

Tuba, or not tuba, that is the question.

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What did the depressed celiac say will planning his suicide

Let's get this bread

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My uneducated neigbor was planning to grow a flowerbed in his backyard

But then he realised he can't plant flowers as he hadn't botany

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My friend is done planning for a very ambitious movie and needed some scenery for filming

So I gave props to him

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Apple is planning on getting into the electric car manufacturing business.

Only when their cars are finally out in the market for sale, it will be fully autonomous. The steering wheel is optional. It will be sold separately for $5,000.

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A giant snake is attacking the city.

It wraps around buildings, crushing them, and swallows people whole. A pair of office workers get eaten, and one of them starts to panic as they wind up in the snake's stomach. However, he notices that the other worker is still calm.

"How can you be so calm," he asks, "when we're going to die in here?"

"My laptop still works" is the


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I heard Apple are planning on developing a computerized car

Unfortunately, they're having trouble installing windows

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Im planning a charity event for people who struggle to achieve an orgasm.

If you can’t come, let me know.

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I'm writing an autobiography

I'm planning to kill off the main character though

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Three guys are planning for a night out.

Two guys out of the three drink alcohol. The third one doesn't. They are taking beer with them to this trip and trying to get the third guy to drink. This must be what beer pressure means.

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Maroll Jackson was the independent owner operator of Maroll TravelsRoll with Maroll youve probably heard the commercials.

In the beginning he was funded by small business loans from the NAACP, but his business quickly thrived as he was simply just born to plan vacations and such for other people. He was good at it. Despite losing clients from time-to-time due to the color of his skin, (or at least feeling that way), Maroll chugged on. Onward and upward.

One day the entrepreneur had an idea to go after c


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Two aliens are planning their honeymoon

Two aliens are planning their honeymoon, the first one says :" We could visit planet Earth, you know, oceans, mountains, cool cities.. "

The second one replies :" That sounds great, but i don't know, I checked TripAdvisor, and I saw that Earth has only one Star.. "

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How is GOT planning get people to stop pirating their episodes?

They started releasing episodes not worth watching.

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BREAKING NEWS: The international government is planning to launch every clock, watches, hourglasses, etc, into space!!! Everyone is not happy!!!

Time to leave earth

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Me and my friend were planning on donating sperm yesterday.

My friend couldn’t come, and I missed the tube.

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Robbery

Two black men were planning a robbery and one of them said " All we need now is a ghetto way car".

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I was planning on naming my cat bucket

But I realized how it bad it would sound if I called her over to me 😕

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My girlfriend told me she was pregnant and planning to not vaccinate. I said..

I think we need a “Plan B”

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I'm planning on opening a chicken restaurant that sells average food.

It'll be called OKFC.

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2 thieves are planning a robbery on a probability shop

One of them, unsure, says:
"I dunno man, I don't wanna take any chances"

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My wife sat down with half a pie before dinner.

Me: Are you really planning to eat pie before dinner?

Her: Its only half a pie.

Me: Its still irrational.

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I was planning on doing some knitting

But I will knot.

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I was planning to hit my girl while we watched a movie

But she beat me to it

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Is planning.

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Me and the wife have been planning our next getaway.

I rob the bank and she drives.

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An anti-vaxx mom is planning a birthday party for her unvaccinated 2 year old child.

The mother is telling everyone she knows about it and if they have any reccomendations on the theme. The dad says "Ya know, I think we should be planning a funeral instead."

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RPewdiepieSubmissions has gone private

Who knows what they’re planning next...

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Planning for this year's International Juggling Convention has ran into difficulties.

Organiser's have stated that its all up in the air.

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Lori Loughlin who played on Full House was charged with college admissions fraud

She played aunt Becky Full House back in the late eighties, early nineties.

She resumed the role when they rebooted the show and named it Fuller House.

Netflix decided a few month ago, to cancel the show after season five. However they are planning to produce a show starring Lori Loughlin and calling it: Big House.


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The Blacks should really stop complaining about things.

Mr. and Mrs. Black are my neighbors. They always complain that I am bothering them, but I keep to myself, so I really don’t know what they are co planning about.

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A man runs into Hitler at a cocktail party in Argentina

“Hitler, what are you doing here?”

“I’m working on my new plan, I’m going to kill another 6 millions Jews and 1 clown”

“Why are you planning on killing one clown?”

Hitler then turns to the guy next to him and says
“See, I told you no one cared about the Jews”


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A naked woman gets into a cab.

She tells the driver to take her to the the Riverfront. The driver says, "If you don't mind my noticing, you don't have any clothes or a purse. What are you planning to pay me with?" She points between her legs and says, "this".

The driver says, "Ummm...got anything a little smaller?"


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I thought city planning and development was going to be a challenging job

But my last project was a park in the walk.

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A few partners and myself are planning to open a combination chiropractic office and marijuana dispensary.

It's going to be a joint joint joint joint joint.

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A Procrastinator Built A Time Machine

Well, not yet, but he's planning on getting started last week.

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My wife and I are finally planning a trip to San Francisco for my life long dream of seeing the Golden Gate in person.

She said, “What are you going to do when you finally see it?”

I said, “Let’s cross that bridge when we get there.”

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The Polish space program is planning to send the first man to the sun

When asked how they could keep their crew from burning up, officials stated "We'll go at night."

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Some fishermen were planning trip up north in the '30s

They telegraphed the lodge of their intent, requesting two punts and a canoe be available for them.

They received a reply that said, "Have arranged for two local women, what the hell in a panoe?"

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I never tell my blind wife what I'm planning for our anniversary.

She's used to being left in the dark.

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Im planning to throw a rock at my grandma with dementia

She won’t know what hit her

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Im writing my autobiography

"Oh nice!"

"Yea im planning on killing off the main character"

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