Pitch

Jokes

What do you do to a Elephant with three balls?

You walk him and pitch to the rhinoceros.

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What do you do with an elephant with 3 balls?

You walk him and pitch to the giraffe

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A baseball manager calls up a Chinese rookie from the minor leagues

The player shows up before his first game and goes to take batting practice. The manager sees him walking to the batter's box with a frying pan sitting on his head. He says "You can't wear a frying pan in the batter's box, son. You need a helmet."

The player responds: "This is my lucky frying pan, it belonged to my grandfather. Please let me wear it."


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What is a nuns favourite baseball pitch?

The nun-chuck

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If you're ever on a sinking ship with limited lifeboat space always grab women amp children first.

They're easier to pitch out of the way.

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A batter steps up to the plate.

He gets into his stance and looks back at the umpire. "You know, I heard you're into guys," he says, as the first pitch breezes past him for a strike.

"Which is cool, because I *swing both ways*," he says, changing to a left-handed position, as the umpire groans.

"And I'd be good to you. On your birthday, this *batter* would make you th


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A baseball player steps up to the plate.

He gets into his stance and looks back at the umpire. "You know, I heard you like dudes," he says, as the first pitch breezes past him for a strike.

"Which is cool, because I *swing both ways*," he says, changing to a left-handed position. The umpire groans.

"And I'd be good to you. On your birthday, this *batter* would make you the perfect


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I haven't really noticed any women footballers spitting on the pitch.

[deleted]

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What place did Mike Tyson get in the high stakes race to set up campsites, what was he required to pitch, and how did it make him feel?

Tenth

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What's the difference between a truck load full of bowling balls and one full of babies?

You can't unload the bowling balls with a pitch fork

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What do you do with an elephant with 3 balls?

Walk him and pitch to the rhino.

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The Telegram

**Telegram!**

Oh great, I've always wanted a singing telegram!

**Actually, it's not a** ***singing*** **telegram.**

Oh come on, you could sing it, couldn't you?

**I am not supposed to.**

What if I paid you?

**No, sir.**

$5?

**No.**

$10?

**Sigh... sir, it&


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A man walks into a bikers pub

and asks in a high pitch voice, is the owner of the rottweiler who was barking outside here?

A 250lb biker stands up and with a low manly voice says, yes, why do you ask?


The guy with high pitch voice replies, my Chihuahua just killed your dog!

The biker runs out with disbelief and find his dog dead on the floor. He runs in and asks the guy what hap


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A Scoutmaster was banned from the Boy Scouts of America...

When asked what was the reason for him getting banned, all he said was that he was teaching the scouts how to "pitch a tent".

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A Scoutmaster was banned from the Boy Scouts of America...

When asked what was the reason for him getting banned, all he said was that he was teaching the scouts how to "pitch a tent".

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When the first Homosexual Scoutmaster joined the Boy Scouts of America...

He was soon after removed, for teaching the boys how to "pitch a tent".

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When the first Homosexual Scoutmaster joined the Boy Scouts of America...

He was soon after removed, for teaching the boys how to "pitch a tent".

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If you're having voice problems I feel bad for you son

I've got 99 problems but a pitch ain't one

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What do you do with an elephant with 3 balls?

Just go ahead and walk him so you can pitch to the rhino.

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Bill and Larry both loved baseball.

They loved it as kids, they loved it as adults, and they loved it in their old age. One day, Larry asked Bill, "Do you think they have baseball in Heaven?"

Bill said, "I imagine they do. But whichever one of us dies first, he should tell the other whether that's true."

"How are we going to do that?" asked Larry.

"Oh, we


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David and Shane worked for a small furniture company which had recently developed a new product.

They had been developing a new kind of smart shelf, and it was finally finished. This shelf had everything! Part of it featured a built in wireless charger, there were USB ports, part of it could flip up to reveal a screen which could be used as digital picture frame as well as had access to YouTube and Netflix for video watching. There was also a Bluetooth speaker feature, and it even had built i


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What's the difference between a truck full of bricks and a truck full of dead babies?

You can't shovel the bricks with a pitch fork.

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2 baseball players had an argument on if there is baseball in heaven

They both decided that whoever died first will come back to tell the other if baseball exists in heaven.

Shortly after, friend 1 dies and comes back as promised, he says to friend 2:
“I’ve got good news and I’ve got bad news.
The good news is that there is baseball in heaven.
The bad news is that you’re scheduled to pitch next week.”


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What do you do when you're facing a Rhino with 3 balls?

Walk him and pitch to the Hippo.

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TV Show Pitch: 30 Unvaccinated Kids Live in a House Together

We'll call it Survivor.

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If a tree falls in the forest and no ones around to hear it, does it make a sound?

Yes, there’s no pitch but great timbre!

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If a tree falls in the forest and no ones around to hear it, does it make a sound?

Yes, there’s no pitch but great timbre!

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Trees are good at baseball...

They pitch real well

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Why are witches afraid of Witch Trials?

It's not pitch forks and the fire torches

Lawyers and court fees and it's the witches money that'll be burning.

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What do you do to an elephant with three balls?

Walk him and pitch to the rhinoceros.

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What do you do to an elephant with three balls?

Walk him and pitch to the rhino.

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Twist

A guy walks into a bar.

The bartender points to a young woman sitting at a table and says to the guy, “She’ll give you a blowjob and sing the Star Spangled Banner at the same time for 20 bucks.” (This is difficult to do.)

The guy goes, “I have to see this for myself.” He walks over to the woman and slips her a 20. She takes him to a back room


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Sales pitch

Bubba Joe's first military assignment was to a military induction center, and, because he was a good talker, they assigned him the duty of advising new recruits about the government benefits, especially the GI insurance to which they were entitled.

Before long the Captain in charge of the induction center began noticing that Bubba was getting a 99 percent sign-up for the top GI i


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I spent most of yesterday evening watching Cricket highlights

My eyes are a bit sore now but I’ve always been fascinated by pitch illuminations.

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What do you do with the elephant that has three balls?

Walk it, then pitch it to the rhino

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What do you do with an elephant with three balls?

Walk him and pitch to the rhino.


- Credit to the writers of 'Hot Shots'.

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Last night my wife made a really dark comment in bed, and I told her I wasn't going to stand for it.




She was like, "It's pitch black in here, can you get the spare nightlight in that one kitchen drawer?"



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If you're having voice problems I feel bad for you son

I've got 99 problems, but a pitch ain't 1.

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A teacher has a class full of rednecks.

She asks someone to use the word 'Timbuktu' in a story.

A scrawny kid in the back raises his hand and recites proudly:

Tim and me, a hikin' we went,
Till we found three whores in a pitch-up tent.
They were three and we were two;
So I buck one and Tim buck two!

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My beautiful poetry and lyrical abilities began to surface at such a young age that my teachers actually used the word "prodigy". Enjoy an example...

Change my pitch up

Smack my bitch up

Change my pitch up

Smack my bitch up

Change my pitch up

Smack my bitch up

Change my pitch up

Smack my bitch up

Smack my bitch up

Eaaaheeyheeaheyyyee

Aaahaaahaaaaaaaaaaahha

Eaaaheeyheeaheyyyee

Aaahhaaaaa


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What do you do with an elephant with three balls?

Walk him and pitch to the rhino.

*as told by my 85 year old grandfather-in-law*

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How does the world's oldest Eagle scout pitch a tent?

Viagra

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What do you do to an elephant with three balls?

Walk him and pitch to the giraffe.

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Did you see that programme last night about the Japanese woman who broke the world record for the minimum pitch speed?

I think it was the Kyoto, she throw slow show.

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Comdoms ribbed in brail.

Pitch this idea the visually impaired and I'll bet you they didn't see that cumming

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How many dead hookers are needed to change a light bulb?

I don't know but for sure more than 10, as my basement is still pitch black.

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What do you call singers playing football in mount everest?

High pitch

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Q: What you do with an elephant who has three balls?


A: You walk him and pitch to the rhino.

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If only Whitney Houston could hit a baseball pitch as well as she could hit notes and pitch her voice.

She would have had the world’s best hAND EYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIEEEEEIIIIIIIIIII coordination.

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What do you do when an elephant has three balls?

Walk him and pitch to the rhino.

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