Petrol

Jokes

"How much does a drop of petrol cost?"

"A drop?" *shrugs* "Nothing."

"Great. Drip this full please."

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What do you call China's leader, cloned, stacked on top of each other, doused in petrol, and a match tossed on?

A giant, flaming pile of Pooh.

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Which Spice Girl can carry the most petrol ...

... Geri can

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How do you make a cat woof

Cover it in petrol and light it on fire

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A Man Was Driving Down the Road amp Ran out of PETROL...

A MAN was driving down the road and ran out of petrol. At that moment, a bee flew in his window.
“What seems to be the problem?” asked the bee.
“I’m out of petrol,” the man replied.
The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away. Minutes later, the man watched as an entire swarm of bees flew to his car and into his petrol tank.


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So, if the government find petrol in your property belongs to him,

...but if they find drugs belong to me.
Isn’t it unfair?

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Adam and Halloween

A man walks into a costume shop and says that he is looking for an Adam costume like Adam and Eve.

The women working in the shop shows him a fig leaf costume and the man says that wont work he needs a bigger one.

The women goes into the back and brings out the biggest fig leaf costume she has

Again the man says not big enough

Annoyed at this sta


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At the petrol station

I cannot believe what just happened.. I was at the tesco petrol station going in to pay and I noticed two policemen standing and watching a man and shaking their heads. I looked back and saw he was smoking while he was filling his tank. When I realised what he was doing I thought, what a moron, right in front of the police. So, I went in and paid and as I was walking out I heard someone screaming


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Work or Party Story Joke below..



When i was younger i went over to my friends house to stay over, then come midnight to get some snacks he opens his fridge and his cats standing there almost dead, so he runs to the garage and brings back a funnel and small gasoline container and pour some petrol down this cats mouth.

Then its eyes lit up and took off into the lounge and smashed all sorts of shit over,


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What is a great resource to help us get about in the world?

Pun Petrol

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How do you make a cat go woof?

By pouring petrol on it and setting it alight.

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How do you make a cat go "woof?"

Pour petrol on it, throw a match and run.

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I just saw David Bowie put twenty dollars worth of petrol in his car for a night out with the wife...

...It's enough to drive Iman to drink!

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A man runs out of petrol

A MAN was driving down the road and ran out of petrol. At that moment, a bee flew in his window.

"What seems to be the problem?'' asked the bee.

"I'm out of petrol,'' the man replied.

The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away. Minutes later, the man watched as an entire swarm of bees flew to his car and into his


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With petrol prices nowadays,

it's actually cheaper to buy cocaine and run everywhere instead.

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Wife says to her husband You never take me anywhere expensive anymore. The husband replies Fine, grab your coat. Wife: Why, where are we going?

Husband: “The fucking petrol station.”

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A man pulls up to a petrol station and goes go buy a chocolate bar...

He goes up to the cashier and says "can I have a kit-kat chunky?"

The cashier returns with the chocolate bar he asked for and says "there you go, that will 80p please"

He turns back to her and says
"No, I wanted a regular kit-kat you fat bitch".

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I got really emotional at the petrol station this morning.

I don't know why, I just started filling up!

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Got real emotional

Got really emotional this morning at the petrol station, don't know why, just started filling up.

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How do you make a cat go woof?

Cover it in petrol and throw on a match.

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If you had a choice between a beautiful wife or a new car, which would you choose?

A diesel or a petrol?

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If you had a chooce between a beautiful wifr and a car, which would you choose?

A diesel or a petrol one?

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Two dyslexics sitting in a car.One turns to the other and says "I can smell petrol"

. "Good for you" says the other one, "I can't even smell my own name"

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If you had to choose between a wonderful wife or a wonderful car..



Would you choose a petrol or a diesel engine ?

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Petrol station mishap.

My friend went to the petrol station last night, after going inside and paying for his fuel he drove to the exit and decided to light a cigarette as he pulled out onto the road. He had unknowingly got petrol all over his jacket whilst at the pump and as he flicked his lighter his whole sleeve went up in flames, unfortunately for him the police were right behind him and decided to pull him over aft


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A Catholic nuns car runs out of petrol on the side of the road.

She walks for miles and miles until she finds a small farmhouse. She asks the farmer if he could spare some fuel. He says, "Of course, help yourself to as much fuel as you like, but I'm sorry to say that I don't have any container for you to take with you except for this old chamber pot."
So the nun fills the empty chamber pot to the brim with petrol and goes on her way.


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How do you get a cat to say woof

Douse it in petrol and set in on fire

\*whoof\*

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India - BJP Members Kidnapped.

A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the road outside Prime Minister's Office, Delhi.

Nothing was moving.

Suddenly, a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down the window and asks, "What's going on?"

"Terrorists have kidnapped the entire BJP Members, and they're asking for a ₹100 crore ransom. Otherwise, they are going


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A can of petrol falls on a man's head

Fortunately it was high octane. There was an anti knocking effect.

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Kevin had just gotten a new car and was out for a drive

when he accidentally cut off a truck driver. Truck driver motioned for Kevin to pull over.

When Kevin did, the driver got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket. He drew a circle on the side of the road and gruffly commanded to Kevin, "Stand in that circle and DON'T MOVE!"

He then went to Kevin's car and cut up its leather seats.<


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A man runs out of petrol

A MAN was driving down the road and ran out of petrol. At that moment, a bee flew in his window.
"What seems to be the problem?'' asked the bee.
"I'm out of petrol,'' the man replied.
The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away. Minutes later, the man watched as an entire swarm of bees flew to his car and into his petrol tan


read more
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How do you make a cat go woof?

With some petrol and a lighter.

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Sick and tired of my car using petrol when I drive it

Thinking he so tough just because he can go through a tank. It's exhausting the way he just grinds my gears.

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Terrorists have kidnapped our beloved "supreme leader".

Now they are demanding 1 billion or they will burn him with petrol. Please donate whatever you can.

P.S. I ve donated 5 litres.

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With petrol prices now at 1.30 a litre

...it's actually cheaper to buy cocaine and run everywhere instead

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The creator of petrol cars was interviewed.

All he said was Madagascar, no one knew why.

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Chinese Takeaway 24

Petrol to pick it up £2

Getting home and realising one of the useless twats have forgotten one of your containers

Riceless.

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A driver was stuck in a traffic jam...

Suddenly, a man knocks on his car window. The driver winds down his window and asks “ Whats going on? ”

The man says “ Our has been kidnapped by terrorists, they’re asking for a $100 Million ransom, otherwise they’re going to douse him in petrol and set him on fire ”

“ We are going car to car collecting donations , would you lik


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Terrorists have kidnapped a senior politician

A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the road.

Suddenly, a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down the window and asks,"What's going on?"
"Terrorists have kidnapped a senior politician, and they're asking for a $100 million dollar ransom. Otherwise, they're going to douse him in petrol and set him on fire. We're going from car to car,


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Terrorists have kidnapped a senior politician

A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the road.

Suddenly, a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down the window and asks,"What's going on?"
"Terrorists have kidnapped a senior politician, and they're asking for a $100 million dollar ransom. Otherwise, they're going to douse him in petrol and set him on fire. We're going from car to car,


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How do you make a cat go"Woof"?

Pour petrol on it and light it.

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Which one of the spice girls can carry petrol?

Geri-can

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What does Vin Diesel put in his car?

Petrol

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Which Spice Girl can hold the most petrol?

Geri can.

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Which Spice Girl can hold the most petrol?

Geri can.

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How do you make a cat go woof?

With petrol and a lighter

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I approach the boring task of buying tampons with the same procrastination used when needing to fill the car up with petrol:

ignore depleting supplies until well in the red.

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These jokes will make you laugh..

No1: A man was so jealous of his newly born baby that he put poison on the wife's nipples while she was asleep. The next day their driver died of poisoning

No2: A man is dying of cancer, but keeps telling people he is dying of AIDS. His son asked his Dad why. He answered, "so that when I am dead, no one will sleep with your mum."

No3: A lady lost three p


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A man walks into a petrol station and says..

'Can I please have a KitKat Chunky"

The lady behind the till gets him a KitKat Chunky and brings it back to him.

"No," Says the man. "I wanted a normal KitKat, you fat bitch."

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How do you make a cat go "Woof!"?

Soak it in petrol and put a match to it.
(This is a joke, not and instruction, Reddit)

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