Penny

Jokes

If I had a penny for every time someone called me frugal...

I'd be able to save even more

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What's the difference between an eel and a lawyer?

One's an ugly, slimy, scaly, cold-blooded scum-sucking bottom-feeder, and the other is a highly qualified professional person who is worth every penny of the surprisingly high hourly fee they charge.

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A fortune teller told me I'd come into big money one day.

I'm now married to my over weight wife called penny.

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If I had a penny for every Donald Trump joke ever made,

I would have a small loan of a million dollars.

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If I had a penny for every Donald Trump joke,

I would have a small loan of a million dollars.

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What did the john say ...

What did the john say to the pimp with the not so hot prostitutes?

A penny for your thots.

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Why would jews make good killer clowns?

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How do you kill a Jew?

Throw a penny off a cliff.

How do you kill another Jew?

Tell them the penny is still there.

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Alfred was teaching Bruce about currencies.

Alfred: The British pound is more valuable than the American dollar.
Bruce: Oh? Then how much is a Penny worth?

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What did the cheapskate say to the pimp?

Penny for you thots.

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Theres only one thing that will always make sense.

Penny factories

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How did the NASA manage to recruit Jewish scientists for the second moon landing?

They told them someone lost a penny during the first moon landing.

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An overthinking pimp was enraged because

He was offered a penny for his thots

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Religion joke

How do you get a group of Jews to fight?

You toss a penny in front of them.

How do you get a group of Catholic priests to fight?

You toss a young boy in front of them.

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How was copper wire invented?

Two jews found a penny on the ground

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A chinese and a jewish sat in a bar right next to each other.

The Jewish said, "I will never forget what you did to Pearl Harbor".

The Chinese said, "That was the Japanese, not the Chinese".

The Jewish then said, "Japanese, Chinese; what's the difference?"

The Chinese furiously said, "I'll never forgive you for the Titanic".

The Jewish said, "That wasn&


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How was copper wire invented?

Two Jews fighting over a penny

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What instrument is 10 octaves higher than a penny whistle?

A dimewhistle.

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If I had a penny for everytime people complain about the price of a Mac Display Stand,

I could afford a Mac Display Stand.

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If i have a penny for everytime i dropped a penny..

I would have none!

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God? What's a billion years like to you? Nothing but a mere sec. Really!? Well then what's a billion dollars to you? Nothing but a penny. Well... Can I have a billion dollars then?

Sure... Hang on a sec.

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When I was a kid a piece of bubble gum used to cost a penny. You know what happened?

Inflation.

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If I had a penny for every gender there is...

Id have 2 pennies and a bunch of counterfeits

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Why is it, "A penny for your thoughts,"

But, “you have to put your two cents in?" Somebody's making a penny.

Credit Steven Wright

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A man working at the Federal Reserve

A man working at the Federal Reserve was hired to manufacture pennies. On his first day, the supervisor walked him around the manufacturing area.

“This first machine melts down large blocks of metal. The liquid metal is then poured into a mold that makes a smaller block. That smaller block is then taken off the conveyer belt by this control arm and placed on another conveyer b


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Knock knock jokes

A: Knock, knock.

B: Who's there?

A: Little old lady.

B: Little old lady who?

A: wow dude, I didn't know you knew how to Yodel!

​

A: Knock, Knock.

B: Who's there?

A: Boo

B: Boo who

A: Awwwww, stop crying.

​


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Did you know that a penny you throw from the Empire State Building can turn into a lethal weapon?

If Jew is standing next to you.

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The local strip club had a sale.

Their sign said a penny for our thots.

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My lawyer is worth every penny...

...he charges because of the time he saves me.

This year, for example, he probably saved me five to ten years, in prison.

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My lawyer is worth every penny...

...he charges because of the time he saves me.

This year, for example, he probably saved me five to ten years, in prison.

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My laweyer is worth every penny...

...he charges because of the time he saves me.

This year, for example, he probably saved me five to ten years, in prison.

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Once, two black men were walking down the street.

Once, two black men were walking down the street. They came across a store that said “We’ll turn you white for 99 cents!” And they searched their pockets, one came up with a dollar, and the other came up with 98 cents. They agreed that if it was actually as good as it sounded, the man with the dollar would give the penny to the man with 98 cents so they would both become white. W


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What do you call a prison cell with a quarter, penny, and a dime in it?

A Nicolas Cage.

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LPT: Zippo flint dispensers have a secret flat spot that exactly fits the screw on the lighter, just like using a penny.

Hee!

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Child: Why did you named me and my sister, Penny?

**Mother: Just giving my two cents.**

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An atheists near death experience:

God: Welcome my son!

Atheist: God?

God: Yes; you’ve had an accident do not worry. You will wake up soon enough.

Atheist: So before I do I’ve got to ask... did Noah really build an arc for all the animals in the world?

God: Yes, but you’ve got to realize that there were a LOT less animals back them.


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Warning NSFW joke.

>So 2 black guy's are walking down the street
>One has one dollar the other has 98 cents
>They come across a store with a display saying they can turn anyone White for only 99cents
>The black guy with a dollar says he will go in and try it out and see if he likes it and if he does he will give the black guy with only 98 cents the left over penny


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I was walking down the street last night and a man came up to me asking if I was looking for a good time. NSFW

I said yes, feeling frisky and he said there were 2 deals, I could pay 1 cent for a prostitute, or I’d have to give up my arm and my leg, I wondered how bad or good each prostitute could be, but after lots of thinking I made my decision

If your finest women cost an arm and a leg, I’d rather a penny for your thots.



PS, I didn’t make this I f


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If I had a penny for everytime I didn't understand something.

I wouldn't know where all these pennies are for.

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If i had a penny for every Donald Trump joke made right now

I would have a pence

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A boy was talking to God...

A boy was talking to God. He asked: “God, how much is a million dollars to you?”

God replied: “A million dollars is like a penny to me, son.”

The boy then asked another question: “How long is a million years to you, God?”

God replied: “A million years is like a second to me, son.”

To which the boy s


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How was copper wire invented?

Two Jews found a penny.

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I found out today that you can kill someone by throwing a penny off the Empire State building.

Penny was a good child.

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Lawyer: My client is trapped in a penny

Judge: What?

Lawyer: He's in a cent.

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Half a year ago, I've started my own vinyl records collection. I religiously spend every penny I can on vinyl

I own 2 records already.

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I make a penny, my boss makes a dime

that's why I poop on company time

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How do you kill 100 Jews?

throw a penny into the ocean

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If I had a penny for every time Trump screwed up in some way

I could give someone a small loan of a million dollars

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I swallowed a penny, and then vomited it afterwards,

Because change should come from within.

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What did Bonnie Raitt say when Stan Lee died?

"Penny Marshall and Anthony Bourdain also died within the same 3 month period"

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