Peel

Jokes

What do bananas have in common with old people?

They both bruise easily. And when you peel the skin, you realize sometimes the bruising goes beyond the surface.

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How do you make a great corndog?

First you take the cob, then you peel off the husky!

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I had a wet dream about you last night

I dreamt you slipped on a banana peel, and I laughed so much that I pissed my pants

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Trump walked

into a banana peel fell and said "my wig fell off."

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Scientists found out that the cause for the California earthquake was not a divine retribution but simply a banana peel.

Your mom slipped over it.

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Did you know that banana peel is supposed to be put under the controlled substance act?

It can give you bad trips.

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I may seem like a piece of shit but...

Just like an onion when you peel back the layers you see the exact same thing and start crying.

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Once upon a time King Bran and Tyrion were sitting together.

Tyrion was eating Mangoes, and King Bran was disgusted by this habit.

"You eats lots of Mangoes, Tyrion," Said the Bran.

"They are delicious, my Grace", replied the Hand.

Tyrion was throwing the peel of the Mango out of the Balcony.

King Bran saw that there is a place where all the peel was gathered. As he was looking, he wa


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A helpful tip for anyone who has found themselves stuck with a label that they want to get rid of

Fill a tub with some lye and soak. After a few hours things should start to peel away.

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Whats the difference between a baby and banana?

I peel the banana before eating it.

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Does anyone know how to easily peel a kiwi?

All those feathers keep getting in the way

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Whats the only difference between a monkey and a cow

One can peel a banana

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A man is on trial for murder.

The judge asks him to give his version of the story, and how he pleads.

The defendant replies: "Innocent, your honor. I am not sure what exactly happened myself, I was sitting on a park bench, enjoying the nice weather, peeling an apple with my pocket knife, when suddenly this guy trips on the apple peel and falls right on top of my knife."

The judge inquires: &


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Why dont blondes eat MampMs?

They’re too hard to peel.

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What's the difference between a pizza and a hippie chick?

You don't peel the crust off the pizza before you eat it

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Scary Story

It seemed like an average Tuesday night. The roads were quiet outside, and rain was beginning to pour down hard. Things were going pretty slowly until a friend of mine burst through the door, but there was something off about him. There he stood, motionless in the dark, his piercing stare not leaving me. After a moment or two, he began to slowly peel his own skin off. Blood dripped slowly from his


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My family keeps telling me I slipped on a banana-peel, backflipped down a flight of stairs and landed perfectly in a garbage can at the bottom, and I got a concussion because of it.

But I don't think that's true. I'd remember something epic like that.

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How long does it take for you to hit the ground after slipping on a banana peel?

One banano-second.

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What does a sick-orange say to a ripe orange?

"I dont peel so well"

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Today in sex Ed class the teacher used a banana to demonstrate how to put on a condom.

It was disturbing to see a grown man put a banana peel on his dick

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What to bananas and women have in common?

They both bruise easily. And when you peel them you notice the bruising continues under the skin.

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Why did the banana need sunscreen?

Else it would peel.

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Why dont really old people have sex?

Have you ever tried to peel a grilled cheese apart?

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A guy slips over a banana peel.

Ouch, that hurt.

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Why do you want divorce?

Judge: Why do you want divorce?

Petitioner: My wife asks me to peel off garlic, cut onions, wash utensils.

Judge: What's the problem in this? Just warm up the Garlic, it will be easy to peel it. Before cutting Onions just chill them in the refrigerator and then while cutting them the eyes won't burn. Before washing utensils just immerse them in water tub for 10


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Did you hear the joke about the banana peel?

Never mind, it slipped my mind!

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Why is the banana such a popular fruit?

Because it has a peel.

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If Star-Lord steps on a banana peel and falls over...

... is it considered a Prattfall?

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A farmer trained his rooster to peel the husks off of corn

What a cock-shucker

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What does a banana have that you don't ?


A peel.

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Did you hear about the guy who slipped on a banana and sued?

He won the trial, but he got overturned on a peel.

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(Courtesy of a two year old preschooler) why did the banana go to the doctor?...

Because he didn’t peel right!

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Men are like onions...

... once you peel them you feel like crying.

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I was driving down the highway

And winded my window down, to throw out a banana peel. I few miles down the road, I could smell something funny, so I looked behind me, and sure enough, grandma was fingerings herself.

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Im an annoying on the outside, but Im like an onion.

You peel back the layers, find the same thing and just start crying

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I was looking over all the pour-on peel-off facial cleansers, when I found a really cool one made from fruit skins that makes a lovely ringing noise as you shake the bottle.

Poring over pours for poor pores, the peal of the peel peel was appealing.

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Why do you want divorce?

*Judge :* Why do you want divorce?

*Petitioner:* My wife asks me to peel off Garlic, cut Onions, wash dishes

*Judge:* What's the problem in this? Just warm up the Garlic, it will be easy to peel it. Before cutting Onions just chill them in the refrigerator and then while cutting them the eyes won't burn. Before washing dishes just immerse them in water tub for 1


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A genie grants 3 people a wish at a swimming pool

3 guys are having fun at a swimming pool. Suddenly a genie appears.


Genie: I will grant every one of you a wish. Just go on the diving board, say what you wish for, jump and you will land in the swimming pool full of what you wish for


The first guy goes on the diving board, says "Chocolate", jumps and lands in in the swimming pool now full of c


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Friends are like bananas.

If you peel their skin and eat them, they die.

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Whats the difference between a pizza and a hippy chick?

You don’t peel the crust off the pizza before you eat it

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NSFW -- what's the difference between hippy girls and pizza?

You don't have to peel the crust off the pizza before you eat it.

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Couldnt find it

I couldn't find the thingy you use to peel the carrots and potatoes anywhere, so I asked the kids if they had seen it.

Apparently she left me yesterday.

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A no-armed man is looking for a job...

... so he goes to the local church. He tells the priest he will ring the church's bell every hour, on the hour.
The priest is dubious, and asks how the man is going to do that with no arms. The man says not to worry, he'll handle that. "I'll do it for free the first week, so you can see I can handle the job."
At the top of the hour, the man runs up the wind


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A Two-Fer: How is an onion different from a baby?

Answer 1: Onions don't scream when you peel off their skin.

Answer 2: I tear up a little bit when I'm chopping up onions.

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Not a QampA Joke Post, but it could count as a two-fer: I was just bouncing my nephew on my knee when my 12 year old asked my sister, "Auntie Shell, how is a baby different from an onion?"

I thought about it and said, "Onions don't cry when you peel their skin back."

I almost like his answer better: "I cry a little when I'm chopping up onions. "

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Why are Spiderman stickers the stickiest?

They don't peel so good.

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I bought ten bananas and began peeling each one as perfectly as I could. After finishing the seventh banana and beginning the next, I realised I had missed a small piece of the peel, just near the top. So being a total perfectionist I stuck the peel back on and did it again ...

Yes folks, it seems I just re\-peeled the eighth.

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How long does it take for someone to hit the ground after slipping on a banana peel?

1 bananosecond.

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Why is the banana a bad PVPer?

He's gotta peel!!!

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Why did the man rip the skin off a banana then wrap it around his dick and use it as a pocket pussy?

Because it had sex-a-peel

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