Painful

Jokes

Why did they outlaw abortion in Alabama?

Because losing a fetus is just that much more painful when it was both a potential son and potential nephew.

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Love

love is a very important for any man or woman.Without love nobody live happly.If live to the earth. You have to be in a love.And other hand love is a very painful things in the earth.With love you can't get realx

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A wife is yelling at her husband, Get out! I hate you!

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My friend told me that the most painful thing you can do to yourself is to slam your funny-bone against the counter until it breaks

So i killed myself

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Let's talk about fractures

It's a painful subject

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I told my wife Im leaving her...

She said


May you die a slow and painful death!

Oh, you want me to stay!

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My dad was in the toilet, screaming and all and then he walked out of the door looking like he just been through hell.

I asked him in panic what happened & why was he screaming in there.
“Dad in a low & painful voice”: That was the hell of a hard shit

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What is the most painful route to drive?

The carpool tunnel.

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A wife is yelling at her husband, Get out! I hate your guts!

So the husband packs up his things and walks out the door.

As he is walking away his wife screams at him, “I hope you die a slow and painful death!”

He suddenly stops and says, “Wait, so you want me to stay?”

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So, is it painful to get a tattoo?

- It depends on the area.
- I am from Wisconsin.

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So, is it painful to get a tattoo?

- It depends on the area.
- I am from Wisconsin.

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Whats the least painful way to overdose?

Painkillers

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I said to my wife, "They say that childbirth is the most painful thing someone can experience."



"Now, maybe I was too young to remember, but I didn't think it hurt that much."

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I hope you were all kind to your mother's on Mother's day. Imagine the patience and travail of 9 month's pregnancy then painful labor...

And then it's you.

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Im sick and tired of women who say that there is nothing more physically painful than having a baby

Wait until you’ve had 3 fists up your ass at the same time.

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Im sick and tired of women saying that theres nothing more physically painful than having a child

Wait until you’ve had 3 fists up your ass.

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Im sick and tired of women saying that there is nothing more physically painful than having a baby

Wait until you’ve had 3 fists up your ass at the same time.

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Im sick and tired of women saying that theres nothing more physically painful than having a baby

Wait until you’ve had 3 fists up your ass at the same time.

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A man phones a dental clinic to inquire about the price of removing a tooth

"Hello. How much is it to get a tooth removed", asks the man


"That'll be $700, it includes anesthetic, tooth extraction by myself, and assistance from a nurse", replies the dentist

"That's a bit much for me, how much if the nurse extracts it?"

"Well I guess we could do that, it might not be as painless if I


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Proof that getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than giving birth.

Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful for a man than giving birth is for a woman. Here’s how I know:

You see women everyday having children and they’re always wanting to have another one.

However, you never see a man asking to get kicked in the nuts again.

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A man runs into a bar as fast as he can...

He had a lot of painful headaches, needed painkillers and had a brain infection.

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Did you hear the one about the blind man and his cheese grater?

He said it was the most painful thing he had ever read.

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A guy go see a doctor

\- Doc, it's painful when I touch my knee. Make me wanna cry ! When I touch my stomach too, watch this... AH ! Oh ! My god it hurts so much... And look, here, when I touch my neck. Holy shit that hurts really bad too ! What's wrong Doctor ?

\- You got a broken finger.

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What do being dead and being an idiot have in common?

It's only painful for other people

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Why are men always happy when their wife are in labor?

It's the most painful experience of her live and she can't make him do it.

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I ran into my ex the other day.

It was painful.

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What do you get when you mix painful optical sensations caused by a weird scatalogical fetish with a oft-played poignant song about love and loss?

“Golden showers /
Fill your eyes /“

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Why don't Anti-vaxxer parent's want their children vaccinated?

Because they know the little pricks will be too painful for them.

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What do you call a painful feeling thats like a flat breakfast food?

A pan ache

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Dad, I signed for ballet lessons!

- Son, this is a very painful sport.
- Why?!
- I'll break your little legs, thats why.

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The reason why getting kicked the balls is more painful than childbirth

Women often have multiple children. They willingly go through childbirth several times.

But no man asks to be kicked in the balls again.

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I asked my girlfriend if we could try anal tonight, but she thought it would be too painful.

How can wearing a strap-on be painful?

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Man-Flu is more painful than childbirth. This is an irrefutable scientific fact.

*Based on a survey of over 100,000 men.

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Damn, my hemorrhoids are really painful...

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"Intelligent Design" my ass.

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What's more painful between Childbirth and getting kicked in the nuts?

Getting kicked in the nuts is far more painful. After all, sometime, 1 year or so after giving birth, a woman might say ''I'd like to have another child''

But you will never hear a man say ''I'd like to get kicked in the nuts again''

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I've made it my new years resolution to have a better relationship with my mother.

Anyone know the least painful way to break my arms?

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A pirate walks in to a bar

He has a ship's steering wheel covering his crotch. It looks painful . The bartender asks him "Isn't that wheel a bit painful ?" The pirate replies "Aye , it's driving me nuts !"

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3 people are kidnapped by a group of terrorists

The terrorists are about to kill them but decide to give them the choice between a quick bullet to the head or getting infected with AIDS.

The first two pick the bullet to the head but the last guy chooses to get injected with AIDS through a syringe.

Once the injection is done, the guy starts laughing and smiling.

Terrorist: Why are you so happy? Don'


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When I see Donald Trump I get the same thought in my head as I get after a particularly painful bikini wax.

Bush wasn’t that bad.

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If thirty years have passed you're still angry at your kids for leaving those painful little blocks on the floor...

Don't be. It's time to forgive and lego of the past.

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So my friends and I were talking about our parents...

...And how we were disciplined as children back then.

I started, saying, "My parents used the belt, I really learned my lesson then."

One friend says, "Yea? I was given the hanger. It sounds a lot more painful then it does."

Another friend joins in, "I bet that's not as painful as a pair of chanclas flying straight at you."


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So my friends and I were talking about our parents...

...And how we were disciplined as children back then.

I started, saying, "My parents used the belt, I really learned my lesson then."

One friend says, "Yea? I was given the hanger. It sounds a lot more painful then it does."

Another friend joins in, "I bet that's not as painful as a pair of chanclas flying straight at you."


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What red, really painful, and sings?

John Menstrual Cramp.

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My 5 year olds painful twist on a knock knock joke

I was telling my son the "knock knock who's there banana joke", and he laughed and told me to tell it to him again. As I said knock knock he then backhanded my face and said "you shouldn't stand so close to the door"

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I've broken by arms today

It was extremely painful but humerus

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Whats the most painful part for an Italian man when his mama dies?

Cutting the umbilical cord.

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A man went for a penis enlargement operation

The next day his friend asked him if it was painful. The man replied, "Nah, I just remember a little prick... But now it's much larger!"

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Why Would It Have Been Painful for Ren DesCartes to Discover Derivatives?

He would have created a Renal Calculus!

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TEACHER: "Do you know someone that passed away peacefully?" STUDENT: "My grandpa. He died in his sleep." TEACHER: "Do you know someone that had a painful death?" STUDENT: "His friends..."

TEACHER: "How did your grandpa's friends die?"

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STUDENT: "They saw grandpa sleep when he was driving."

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Going to university is like getting a tattoo.

It's painful, expensive, and sometimes you regret even doing it.

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