Outstretched

Jokes

Ethyl has lived in a nursing home most of her life and gets around in a wheelchair.

She is a demon in that wheelchair, charging around as fast as she can in corridors and taking corners on one wheel. Because she is a sandwich short of a picnic the other residents tolerate her and some will join in the fun.

One day Ethyl was speeding down the corridor when a door opened and Clarence stepped out, arm outstretched. "STOP!" he shouted "Do you have a licen


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Why did the blonde go to church?

She heard there was a guy hung like this!!
(Arms outstretched like Jesus on the cross)

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Superman initially flew with his right arm outstretched and his left hand at his hip. Later he started flying with both arms out.

He switched from manual to auto.

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"For your final police recruit evaluation,"

"there are six rounds in the cylinder" the Sergeant said as he slid a revolver across the desk. "I want you to go shoot five black men and a rabbit".

The puzzled prospective cadet responded, "A rabbit, sir?"

The Sergeant shot up from his seat with an outstretched hand, "welcome to the force, son!"


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I went into the bank earlier to check my balance


Got some funny looks standing on one leg with my arms outstretched

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A pilot and his copilot were talking in the cockpit

A pilot and his copilot were talking in the cockpit after setting the plane on autopilot and the PA was still on by accident.

"What do you wanna do now?"
"How about we have lunch then fuck Jenny afterwards"
"haha yeah sure"

Immediately, one of the coach stewardesses starts sprinting towards the front of the plane, her face red, sw


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The nasty parrot

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird’s mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity.

John tried and tried to change the bird’s attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to ‘clean up’ the bird


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Bad Parrot

BAD Parrot

A young man named John received a
parrot as a gift. The parrot had a
bad attitude and an even worse
vocabulary.

Every word out of the bird's mouth


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Your Mom asks, "And what are you thankful for?"

You respond, "My Falcon." Everyone starts cracking up.
Your Dad says, "Son, you don't have a Falcon."
You whistle and hold out your arm. Your Falcon crashes through the window, knocks all the food off the table, and hops on to your outstretched arm. You shovel some mashed potatoes into your mouth and say, "There's a lot you motherfuckers don't kn


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A Parrot with an attitude

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabula


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