Ordeal

Jokes

What did the Asian person say when he witnessed an ordeal?

Oh dear.

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I got chased by a mugger the other day trying to steal my wallet.

Halfway through the terrifying ordeal, I couldn't help but think to myself, "He's giving me a good run for my money.

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Childbirth is an ordeal of sweaty grunting slimy wetness.

And that is just the conception part

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I got chased by a mugger the other day trying to steal my wallet.

Halfway through the terrifying ordeal, I couldn't help but think to myself, "He's giving me a good run for my money.

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I mean being born on solid ground must be a really scary ordeal... terrifying...but imagine being born in the ocean...

now that's waterfying.

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A few years ago, at a party, I met a man called Jonathan Jones and his wife Marlene.

They were very nice people and I got along with both of them. However, I found Marlene to be unlike anyone I had ever met. She was so… Perfect; Beautiful, Kind and just so wonderful to be in the presence of! 

Later on that night I knew that if I didn’t say anything to her I’d regret it. I knew it was wrong of me but I just couldn’t help myself. 


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How would Theresa May describe her situation right now after tonight's vote?

It's a no deal ORdeal

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My wife died in my arms today because she didn't know her own blood type.

She kept yelling "Be Positive" throughout the whole ordeal. I still don't know how she kept such a positive attitude all the way until the end.

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Did you hear about the paddle sale?

It was quite the ordeal (oar deal).

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Two men are stuck in a runaway car going down a hill.

One of them was remarkably cool about the whole ordeal, simply stating: “Don’t worry! There is a stop sign at the bottom of the hill!”

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I entered a contest to see how fast I could eat a clock.

I didn't win. The whole ordeal was very time consuming.

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Q: Why is air a ton like sex? A: Because it's no major ordeal unless you're not getting any.

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Remember those Chilean guys trapped in that mine?

I was reading that they wanted alcohol and cigarettes sent down to them during their ordeal, but the Chilean government denied the request because they were miners.

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Dealing with cable companies is like getting a toothy blowjob....

It's about a 45 minute ordeal and half way through all you want is your money back.

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I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

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One day a Cat was wandering aimlessly when it accidentally fell into a bucket of water.

A rooster nearby witnessed the whole ordeal and hysterically bursts out laughing.

Moral of the story: Any wet pussy makes a cock happy

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Did you hear Jesus was pissed about his birthday gifts?

He was pretty incensed by the whole ordeal.

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If we've learned one thing from this whole Ray Rice ordeal, it's that...

...you should always take the stairs.

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Mean when drunk

Two men are drinking at a bar.
One man goes to the other "did you know if you jump out that window you will fall three stories then the wind will blow you around the building and in through a window."
The other man says "Bullshit"
The first man goes "look I will show you." He then jumps out the window. Sure enough three stories down he got blown aro


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