There were two hunters out in the woods

911 operator: Whats your emergency?

Me: Um, I think my crush gave me the wrong number.
911 operator: Well, what number did she give you?
Me: this one

Hunting

A blonde and a redhead have a ranch

They have just lost their bull. The women need to buy another, but only have $500.

The redhead tells the blonde, "I will go to the market and see if I can find one for under that amount. If I can, I will send you a telegram."

She goes to the market and finds one for $499. Having only one dollar left, she goes to the telegraph office and finds out that it costs

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A Polish man calls 911

Operator: 911 what's your emergency?

Pole: Help! My wife is trying to kill me!

Operator: How do you know?

Pole: I checked her medicine cabinet and found Polish remover!

Two hunters are out in the woods when

Maths is fun

One day, e^x sees x^2 running down the street in a panic. "What's wrong?" asks e^x. "There's a Differential Operator in town!" yells x^2. "If I run into him too many times, I'll disappear!"

"Don't worry," responds e^x. "I'll go have a chat with him. No, don't worry about me -- he can't hurt me. After al

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Did you hear about the Glasgow based flight operator?

Air There.

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch...

Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from re-possessing the ranch they need to purchase a bull from a stockyard in a far-away town so that they can breed their own stock. They only have $600 left.

Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive o

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What's the difference between a hospital and a terrorist camp?

I wouldn't know, I'm just the drone operator.

That turned a dark turn

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.

“I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?”

The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”

There’s a silence, t

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Don't stop working till your bank account looks like a phone number.

Hello, operator?

Frankie Avalon was excited and nervous to go bungee jumping with his former costar from his "Beach Blanket" movie days, Ms. Funicello.

When the day arrived, Frankie got there early. His friend was nowhere to be seen, so he sent her a text message. She replied and said that unfortunately she couldn't make it because of car problems.

Without his friend being there Frankie was even more anxious, worrying that the bungee might snap. The operator told him that had never happened with any of his bungees, and that the

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As the aircraft was taxiing towards the runway to take off, the voice on the speaker welcomed passengers on board and introduced them to the pilot.

"Your captain is Miss Mary Joystick...."


"You mean to tell me this plane is being piloted by a woman?"asked an alarmed passenger to a stewardess."


"Yes, sir," replied the stewardess. "So is the co-pilot, Miss Jane Understudy. So also are the radio operator and the navigator, they are all women in command."

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This made me laugh so hard

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes have rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his mobile phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator, in a soothing voice, says: “Just take it easy. I can help. F

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The Funniest Joke In The World

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes have rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his mobile phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator, in a soothing voice, says: “Just take it easy. I can help. F

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Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He's not breathing so his friend calls 911

''My friend is dead! What should I do?"

The operator replies, "Calm down sir, first make sure that he's really dead."

There's a silence, then a loud bang. Back on the phone, the guy says, Ok, now what?

The 911 operator didnt take my report of an earthquake seriously.

I guess he didn’t understand the magnitude of the situation.

Two men are walking through a forest

One man collapses to the ground, completely still

The other guy pulls his phone out and dials 911

“Hello, is this 911?”

“Yes sir, what is your emergency?”

“My friend just collapsed to the floor, i think he might be dead”

“Sir can you make sure he is dead?”

The 911 operator

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A Blonde And A Redhead...

A blonde and a redhead have a ranch. They have just lost their bull. The women need to buy another, but only have $500. The redhead tells the blonde, “I will go to the market and see if I can find one for under that amount. If I can, I will send you a telegram.” She goes to the market and finds one for $499. Having only one dollar left, she goes to the telegraph office and finds out th

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A man is walking in the woods when he finds a suitcase.

He opens the suitcase and inside are three foxes.
So he calles emergency services and says

"I just found three foxes in a suitcase. What should I do?"

"Well," the operator said, "Are they moving?"

"I don't know," he said, "But that would explain the suitcase."

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A blonde and a redhead have a ranch

A blonde and a redhead have a ranch. They have just lost their bull. The women need to buy another, but only have $500. The redhead tells the blonde, "I will go to the market and see if I can find one for under that amount. If I can, I will send you a telegram." She goes to the market and finds one for $499. Having only one dollar left, she goes to the telegraph office and finds out that

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A blonde and a redhead have a ranch. They have just lost their bull.

The women need to buy another, but only have $500. The redhead tells the blonde, "I will go to the market and see if I can find one for under that amount. If I can, I will send you a telegram." She goes to the market and finds one for $499. Having only one dollar left, she goes to the telegraph office and finds out that it costs one dollar per word. She is stumped on how to tell the blon

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Whats the difference between an insurgent and a civilian?

I don’t know, I’m just the drone operator.

Two hunters

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. The guy calls 911 and says, "Help, my friend is dead!" The operator says, "First lets make sure he is dead." The operator hears a gunshot and then says, "Ugh not this joke again."

Two hunters are out in the woods

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.

The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator says, "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."
There is a silence;

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3 friends go fishing for the biggest trout ever.

Here’s an old children’s joke.

3 friends, Crazy, Noone and Nothing are on a boat fishing for a legendary trout. Suddenly, Noone felt a catch. But the trout was so strong he fell over. Nothing urged Crazy to call the police while he helped his friend. On the phone with the 911 operator: “Hello, Im Crazy and Noone fell in the lake. Im calling For Nothing.”

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My deaf grandpa ended up getting a job

As a 911 operator

Two hunters are out in the woods,

when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says, "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence; then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says, "OK

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Two hunters

are out in the woods when one of them collapses.

He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.

The other man whips out his phone and calls the emergency services.

He gasps, “My friend is dead! What can I do?”.

The operator says “Calm down. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”

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A blonde and a redhead have a ranch...

They have just lost their bull. The women need to buy another, but only have $500. The redhead tells the blonde, "I will go to the market and see if I can find one for under that amount. If I can, I will send you a telegram." She goes to the market and finds one for $499. Having only one dollar left, she goes to the telegraph office and finds out that it costs one dollar per word. She is

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Two men are walking through a forest

One man collapses to the ground, completely still

The other guy pulls his phone out and dials 911

“Hello, is this 911?”

“Yes sir, what is your emergency?”

“My friend just collapsed to the floor, i think he might be dead”

“Sir can you make sure he is dead?”

The 911 operator

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Two men go out hunting...

One man suddenly collapses and the other calls an ambulance immediately and tells them that his friend just collapsed and died.

The operator says to him "Can you make sure he is dead?"

The operator is shocked to hear two gunshots in the background and the guy returns to the phone and says: "Yeah, im sure he's dead"

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I used to be a 911 operator but I quit...

It just wasn't my calling.

A woman goes into her office

She sees 2 of her male co-workers chatting, and one of them makes a joke, they both start laughing.

The woman, who is in a bad mood, thought that they were laughing at her, so she says "Hey, stop that!". The men don't hear them over the sound of their own laughter. The woman then says that if they don't stop, she's going to call the police. The men hear this a

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Stan and May went to the carnival like every other year...

And every year

Stan would see the attraction he wanted to go

But May would always say: "It's 10 dollars,and 10 dollars is 10 dollars"


The operator of the attraction overhead what they said and went to them and said : "I'll make you a deal, I'll let you go on the ride for free ..but if a sound from you is heard during the r

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A dog calls up a newspaper to place a personal ad...

The operator says, "What do you want the advert to say?"

The dog replies, "Woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof".

The operator says, "Our minimum charge is 10 words. Do you want me to add another "woof" for the same price? "

The dog says, "No, that wouldn't make any sense!"

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Two hunters were in the woods

Two hunters were in the woods, when one collapsed. He didn’t seem to be breathing. The other called the emergency number and said, “ My friend is dead, what do I do!” The operator said, “ Calm down, I can help. First make sure he’s dead.” After a second of silence on the hunter’s end, the operator heard a gunshot. The hunter came back on the phone a

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Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses.

His hunting buddy immediately calls 911. “My friend isn’t breathing,” he shouts into the phone. “What should I do?”

“Relax,” the operator tells him. “I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”

There’s silence, and then a gunshot.

The guy gets back on the phone and says, “

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A blonde accidentally starts a fire and then calls 911

Phone operator: hello, what is you’re
emergency?

Blonde: Help my house is on fire!

Phone operator: please remain calm, how do we get there?

Blonde: in a big red truck, duh

Two hunters go out in the woods

One Hunter suddenly falls down. Their chest doesn't rise and fall and their eyes are glazed over. His friend, panicking, calls 9-1-1. He says "Help! I think my friend is dead, he doesn't appear to be breathing!' . The operator says;"okay, calm down. First, you have to make sure he's dead." The hunter takes a deep breath and replies "alright, I'll make s

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A guy calls 911 in a panic.

“My wife is having a baby! Her contractions are only one minute apart!”

​

“Calm down,” the 911 operator says. “Is this her first child?”

​

“No, you idiot!” the guy shouts. “This is her husband!”

Two men go hunting in the forest.

They are walking along with their guns and enjoying the outdoors when one man suddenly collapses. His friend grabs him to see what’s wrong, but he won’t move. He knows something is wrong and calls 911. The man shouts frantically into the phone, “My buddy just collapsed! He isn’t moving and I think he’s dead! What do I do?”

“Well first,”

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A man calls 911..

Operator-"911"

Man- " I need police here now. I've got two women fighting over me!!!"

Operator-" Well,what's wrong with that?!"

Man- "The ugly one is winning."

NSFW A factory supervisor called 3 workers into his office

Supervisor: Tim, as our only bench press operator, you've produced some good pots, you're giving us a great job!

Tim: Thank you sir.

Supervisor: John, as our only machinist, our pot's rims are failing quality tests, you're giving us a pretty bad job.

John: I'm sorry sir.

Supervisor: And Bob! As our only blowtorch operator

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Whats the difference between a Syrian hospital and an ISIS hideout?

I don’t know! I’m just the drone operator!

What's the difference between a Syrian kindergarten and an ISIS hospital?

I wouldn't know, I'm just the drone operator

The farmer and his wife needed a new bull...

There was a man who lived on a farm with his wife in the middle of nowhere. All they owned was a truck, a few cows, and an old bull. They didn't have much, but they were happy.

One day, the farmer woke up and found that the bull had died. He went to his wife and said, "I take our money into the town and buy us a new bull. I know you need the truck here to keep the farm runn

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Good Joke from The Backwoods

Just before thanksgiving Jim and Eddie are out hunting for turkeys when Jim keel's over and collapses.  He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.  Eddie gets out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, 'My friend Jim is dead! What can I do?' The operator says, 'Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he&

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My joke list

Please and thank you for suggesting this

Caller: operator operator call me an ambulance
Operator: okay you are an ambulance

What did one ghost say to another.
I'm sorry I just don't believe in people

How does Bill Gates enter his house?
He uses windows

What's the quickest way to double your money?
Folded in

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