Obliged

Jokes

"Please, mister, will you ring that doorbell for me?" says a little boy. The gentlemen obliged with a beaming smile...

Now, sonny, what else should I do for you?

Run like hell!

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A Scottish lass inquired to a man wearing a kilt "Is it true what that say about what's underneath a man's kilt?"

"Place your hand beneath and see for yourself' replied he. She obliged and cried out "Sir, that's gruesome!" He said "If you place your hand back again, you'll find it's gruesome more!"

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I'm looking for a joke...

Hey jokers can y'all help me?
I used to tell this joke and I can't remember how it went. But it was something with 3 men, 3 women, and I believe 3 ducks.
Do any of you know it?
Much obliged.

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Stanley: a tale of friendship.

There was nothing Stanley liked better than drinking beer, smoking cigarettes, and hunting. At least twice a week, Stanley went out in the woods with his hunting buddies Cletus and Jimmy. They never shot much, but they always had a few cases handy and always had a good time. They were practically inseparable and were often seen bumbling around town together.

Now, one day Stanley was w


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Stanley was killed in a freak explosion in his garage...

There was nothing Stanley liked better than drinking beer, smoking cigarettes, and hunting. At least twice a week, Stanley went out in the woods with his hunting buddies Cletus and Jimmy. They never shot much, but they always had a few cases handy and always had a good time. They were practically inseparable and were often seen bumbling around town together.

Now, one day Stanley was w


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I work as a babysitter to try to earn some extra cash here and there.

One of the kids I babysit has some pretty strange speech patterns. Her parents think that she might have some sort of birth abnormality. Over all, she's a pretty nice kid, but she isn't so good at verbal communication. Always one to go the extra mile, I try to help her with this problem.

Anyway, it was a Tuesday afternoon and I was babysitting her as normal. We were just si


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I met this girl the other night that also has a foot fetish.

When she got to my place, she asked if we could just masturbate to some foot porn together instead of having sex.

It wasn’t what I had in mind, but I agreed anyway. At the end of it, both of us felt pretty disgusted by the whole thing, and she started getting dressed to leave without a word.

“Wait!”, I said. “Why don’t you stay awhile and we&


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I met a guy once, and he had some strong opinions

He had a really thick accent, and I heard him say "Aussie not worth it".

As an Australian, I was quite offended, and felt obliged to punch him.

Then he finished his sentence.

"But reposting is."

As a Redditor, the obligation was much greater.

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TIL that if you thank or reward someone for something before they do it, they feel obliged to do it

thanks for the gold, stranger!

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A man who was fond of wine was offered some grapes at dessert after dinner.

'Much obliged', said he, pushing the plate aside, 'I am not accustomed to taking my wine in pills'.
Quote by Brillat-Savarin

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My nieces are darlings...

My nieces are darlings said Sid.

I'm obliged to do whatever they bid.

As I tucked them in bed,

I asked "What's to be read?"

"Uncle Remus!" they cried, so I did.

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NSFW So there was an Englishman, a Frenchman, and a Newfoundlander...

All three men were on a vacation to Japan and during this vacation they partook in some illegal activity.

The justice system informed the men that they were all to be given the death penalty but as a sign of compassion the guilty were allowed to choose their own deaths.

The Englishman, who loved to work, asked to be worked to death. The justice system obliged and placed t


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So I was walking along a beach...

...when I saw a girl with no arms and no legs. She caught my eye and said to me, "I've never been kissed by someone before..."
Feeling sympathetic, I obliged and was about to go on my way when the girl, sensing her chance said: "I've never been fucked by anyone before."

So I picked her up, threw her in the ocean, and shouted "Now you're fu


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Knock knock

- Who's there?
- Juan?
- Juan who?
- I guess it takes Juan to know Juan.

Bad I know, but I thought of it while heating my coffee and felt obliged to share it.

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Feeling sick lately

Started dating a girl recently and she told me that she loves having her feet sucked. I obliged but every single time I do it I feel sick.
I'm starting to think I am licktoes intolerant

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