Nerve

Jokes

Who is six even more afraid of?

Steven. Because he had the nerve to have a tea while he 8-9.

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The nerve of some people! Here it is, July 8th and idiots are outside shooting off fireworks.

They almost burned down my caught my Christmas decorations on fire.

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The vagina has more than 8000 nerve endings

But it’s still not nearly as sensitive as Reddit.

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In town and all alone!!!

Ethel checked into a motel on her 65th birthday. She was lonely and a little depressed at her advancing age. So she decided to risk an adventure. She thought, "I'll call one of those men you see advertised in phone books for escorts and sensual massages”.


She looked through the phone book, found a full-page ad for a guy calling himself Tender Tony (very handso


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The vagina has more than eight thousand nerve endings

But, it’s still not nearly as sensitive as Reddit.

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The clitoris has more than 8500 nerve endings..

But it’s still not nearly as sensitive as you pussies!

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The Vagina has more than 8000 nerve endings.

But it's still not as sensitive as Reddit.

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Look I dont know who this Rorschach guy is

But he’s got some nerve painting my parents fighting so often

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So I got a shelf of various brains in my home

Guests have found it rather... nerve-racking.

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The vagina has more than 8000 nerve endings..

But it’s still not nearly as sensitive as Reddit.

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Whenever I'm in pain, I get around it by...

...blaming it on my nerve cells.

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I mean really, who does that? Who just walks up, pounds on your door and tells you, You need to be saved or youre going to burn!

The nerve of that fireman...

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Hear about the guy that was kicked out of the burlesque show because he was misogynistic?

Some nerve doing that in public.

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A feminist and I were driving when we saw a group of pro life protesters. "The nerve of those people" she said "It's her body, her rights".

So I unbuckled my seatbelt, my body my rights.

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Had an interview at a big pharma company

The pretentious assbags said the reason they were rejecting me was because I "wouldn't fit into the company culture". Do you know how much of a pompous ass you need to be to say that? Unbelievable. When I finally made them elaborate, they said it was because I showed up to the interview without pants. The nerve of some people.


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The clitoris has over 8000 nerve endings...

And it’s still not as sensitive as Reddit.

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A western tourist is stopped by a Chinese traffic cop.

The cop asks, “Business or pleasure?”

The tourist responds, “Well, I was on my way to a gay Uyghur iftar for illegally born, suicidal Manchurian Foxconn workers in Tiananmen Square, when I suddenly thought, “Gosh. Communism sucks. I think I’ll spray VX nerve agent on Winnie the Pooh.””


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The clitoris has 8,000 nerve ending's

But none of them are as sensitive as a far-right redneck when shown facts.

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One day the head scientist of the military went to see the President of the US

"Sir, I am here to present a report on the new nerve gas."

The President scratched his head. "A new nerve gas. Don't we already have many gases that make our enemies die terribly?"

"We do sir." The scientist nodded. "This one is different, it makes men horny."

"Makes 'em horny?!" The President banged


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Having sex for the first time with someone you started going out with...

Is not nearly as nerve racking as letting her drive you both somewhere for the first time

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The vagina has more than 8000 nerve endings

But it’s still not nearly as sensitive as Reddit.

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A clitoris has around 8000 nerve endings...

And yet, it still isn't as sensitive as a white man on the internet.

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The clitoris has eight thousand nerve endings...

It still isn't as sensitive as a white man on the internet.

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What's the difference between a child and a nerve agent?

One is legal to eat, but illegal to obtain. The other is illegal to eat, but legal to obtain.

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"And the drugs don't work, you're a fucking perv..."

- The Nerve

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The vagina has more than 8000 nerve endings

But it’s still not nearly as sensitive as LGBT Community

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A vagina has more than 8000 nerve endings

But those pussies apparently don't have the nerve to ask for sex.

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The vagina has more than 8000 nerve endings

But it’s still not nearly as sensitive as Reddit.

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My wife had the nerve to call me lazy yesterday while shopping

I was so shocked I nearly fell out of the trolley

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Husband: Ive lost all feeling thats in the nerve of my butt

Wife: are you serious?
Husband: Deadass

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My grandad didnt report his symptoms

He didn’t report his symptoms of motor neurone disease for 5 months... he didn’t have the nerve to say anything...

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My mom got cremated to day...

The nerve of some people, I asked for her medium rare!

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I can't believe Demi Lovato overdosed on heroin. When she bought it from me she said it was for a friend

The nerve of some people.

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Did you hear about the cranial nerve BuzzFeed article?

The title was, "Facts about the 12 cranial nerves, number 11 will really make your head spin!"

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Scientists discovered that there is a special nerve that connects human eyes to their ass.

Here’s the proof. When the test subjects were stabbed in the ass , they cried. And when the test subjects were stabbed in the eyes, they shat themselves.

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A father and son moment

Son: Dad I’ve been wanting to tell you for years now and I just worked up the nerve. I’m gay.
.....
Dad: Hi gay, I’m Dad!

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The anal optical nerve has been recently discovered.

It connects a person's anus to the back of their eye.

If you don't believe me, pull a hair from your ass and see if it doesn't bring a tear to your eye.

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I went to the doctor about my negativity and he diagnosed me with Optical Rectalitis, a condition that affects the nerve between my asshole and eyeballs...

It gives me a shitty outlook on life.

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There was a terror attack at the recording of the big bang theory last week.

Some one had released nerve gas in to the studio, at first everyone thought it was a prank when Leonard and Sheldon fell down....... but then the Penny dropped

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Theres a nerve that connects the eyeball to the anus.

It’s called the ‘Anal optic nerve’. Pull a hair from your ass, and see if it doesn't bring a tear to your eye.

For real, lookup ‘Anal Optic Nerve’

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A group of kids were interviewing veterans for a school project

They found one forthright old codger in a nursing home who was far more honest than most people would be with a group of kids. After asking him numerous questions about World War 2, one kid worked up the nerve to ask him the ultimate question.

“Sir, did you ever kill anyone?”

“I guess I must have. See, I was the company cook.”


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Russia's spy chief says Trump and May ordered the Salisbury nerve agent attack

If Trump ordered it, aren’t they admitting it was the work of a Russian agent?

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An ex-colleague released toxic nerve gas in the office, killing everyone who has there at the time.

[deleted]

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Russia used a nerve agent to poison people on British soil?

[deleted]

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I finally worked up the nerve..

The other day, i saw some cuties at the store. I worked up the nerve to approach them and ended up leaving the store with one of them! So we go back home and i take my shirt off and massage her a little.. I started undressing and fingering this little cutie and she squirts all over my hands. I licked my hands and her juices were so sweet, i craved it, i needed it. I fucking love oranges.


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I'm opening a RussianAsian fusion restaurant.

It's just Asian food but halfway through your meal you get smoked with nerve gas.

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Vladimir Putin is standing accused of assassinating an ex spy in the UK...

The nerve of some people....

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As an Englishman i'd like to visit Russia

But i reckon its gonna take a lot of nerve.

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This year's world cup is in Russia

Putin really has some **nerve** showing up

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Another parrot joke.

A boy decides he'd like to have a parrot. But searching around he finds that they are all very expensive. He finally finds one at a discount a a local pet shop but it has a crooked beak.

He decides to buy it anyway because he's read on the internet that it can be carefully filed straight. The shop owner says "you realize this parrot has a crooked beak? "
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