Nephew

Jokes

Why did they outlaw abortion in Alabama?

Because losing a fetus is just that much more painful when it was both a potential son and potential nephew.

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Three feet

My blonde neighbor came over in tears. What's wrong, I asked her.she told me her nephew had developed a deformity . Excuse me? I asked. she then tearfully cried that her sister had just written to tell her that the boy had grown another foot.

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I caught my nephew using "Duck" in place of the F word.

I had to stop him, I know his dad wouldn't approve of such fowl language.

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What do you call an alien with only one eye?

What do you call an alien with only one eye?
Alen

(My nephew helped me make this joke up many years ago,
we know the spelling is wrong.)

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Why do ducks have feathers?

Answer:

To cover their butt quack.

As told by my four year old nephew - that kis is going places.

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I asked my nephew, Do you know what Stevie Wonder looks like?

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My nephew stubbed his toe at the Mecca

mosque--oW!

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During a family visit, my 6 nephew showed me his handicrafted kite.

Then I showed him my Apple watch and said "Nice, but look what kids in China can do at your age."

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A young man from the city went to visit his farmer uncle.

For the first few days, the uncle showed him the usual things - chickens, cows, crops, etc. After three days, however, it was obvious that the nephew was getting bored, and the uncle was running out of things to amuse him with.


Finally, the uncle had an idea. "Why don't you grab a gun, take the dogs, and go shooting?"


This seemed to cheer


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My nephew told me when he grows up, he wants to be a pizza delivery guy, or a pool skimmer.

I need to tell my bro to do a better job at hiding his porn.

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My 4 year old nephew just came up with this joke and proceeded to laugh for 20 minutes after saying it...

When Batman cracks a joke...
He becomes the joker

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I saw a meerkat save its nephew from an eagle's clutches at the very last second.

It was a meer-uncle.

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So Im very confused, my wife just told me to welcome my child into this world....

But I thought he was my nephew....

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Why do we have so many guys named Hunter

but no girls named Gatherer?

source: not sure if this was a genuine question from nephew or a joke

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What do Osama Bin Ladins friends call him?

Brosama

Source: my 6 year old nephew

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From my nephew: What kind of tents do dogs sleep in?

Pup tents?

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I dont know whos dumber, my teenage nephew who asked his mom whether inmates use iPhones in prison

Or his mom who said, “they’re only allowed to use iPads so they can’t call anyone.”

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Why was the ketchup feeling bad?

Because it had the squirts.

Courtesy of my 8 year old nephew

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Why did the Alabamian man stop his wife from getting an abortion?

Because he didn't want his nephew to die.

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My nephew asked me why it rained

Me: "It's God crying"

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Him: "Why is God crying?"

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Me: "I don't know, probably something you did"

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My six-year-old nephew just told me this joke... Why does a duck have feathers?

To cover its butt quack.

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What did the capitalist uncle say to his soviet nephew?

Down with your lenins

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Something my nephew told me (not exactly a joke, but made me laugh regardless)

He gets home from school with his violin and wants to play for us, so he pulls out a sheet of music.

Me: "wow, you already know how to read music?" (He's 9 and started this year)

Him: *shaking his head* "noooo dummy, there's no letters, you can't read it"

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Oc

A nephew asks, his Grandpa, "what is the real key to success?"
Grandpa straightens his back and leads him to the outskirts of town.
You see this meadow? This where our sheep eat grass?
Great pasture is important.

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(From My Nephew) What is Captain Picard's favorite realty show?

Keeping up with the Cardassians....

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Our nephew has 2 months to live so we're raising $7,000

My partner and I alongside his parents plan on travelling until then since its too depressing to look after the kid.

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My nephew just asked me what a clitoris was

I told him that I would have answered the question better yesterday, cos it was on the tip of my tongue

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Watching Game of Thrones I am rooting for a nephew to fuck his aunt

The only other time I do that is when watching videos on Pornhub

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What do you call it when a bunch of stock markets suddenly show in the same place!

An investation.

(Credit to my 10 year old nephew James)

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Hey girl, are you related to Abraham's nephew?

Because I like you a LOT.

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My nephew is a hog

He keeps breathing all the air in the room; like his life actually depends on it.

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Got hit in the bum by Thor

really need an Aesguard.....as told by my 11yr old nephew....

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My nephew showed me his car bed.

Whatever you little prick i sleep in a real car.

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My 7 year old nephew showed me with pride the "telephone" he had just made from a string and two tin cans...

I pulled out my iPhone and said, "That's nice, but look at what kids your age make in China!"

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A joke my six year old nephew claims he made up: Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the other side.

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My sister is taking my nephew to the gun range to teach them about gun safety.

They’re not looking forward to sex ed.

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My uncle told me: "In life, the secret to getting ahead is

asking your nephew".

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Did you ever here about Einsteins learning disabled nephew?

You could say he had a special relative.

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My nephew is at that age where he no longer wants to be held.

I guess turning 39 changed his attitude.

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My nephew was doing his history homework and asked me what I knew about Galileo?

I said, "He was a poor boy, from a poor family."

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My nephew was doing her history homework and asked me what I knew about Galileo?

I said, "He was a poor boy, from a poor family."

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My nephew just asked me, "Is wind made from birds flapping their wings?" He's so adorable, isn't he?

WRONG! He's 24 and addicted to heroin.

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Told my nephew the story of the grasshopper and the ant. The ant saved up for winter while the grasshopper didn't. I asked my nephew at the end of the story Me:What is the moral of the story?

Nephew: You should never live in a Fall's sense of security

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My uncle touched me as a child.

He told me "You're a great nephew. You're gonna grow up and be a big shot. I believe in you!"

He also fucked me.

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Why do dinosaurs need deodorant?

Because they're ex stincked.

Courteousy my five year old nephew, be nice.

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I just destroyed my nephew with this comeback...

So i was listening to bohemian rhapsody when my nephew says to me:

Why are you listening to that song, its so old?

i replied: so what? your mums old but you still listen to her.

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A man is sitting in a coffee shop

(Kinda long) The man is sitting in a coffee shop, when his nephew walks in, his nephew tells him that his brother has died, and that the child is homeless. The man yells at the boy: “I haven’t had my coffee yet! Don’t talk to me!” The boy runs away. A voice calls out: “help! We need a doctor! This man is dying!” The man is a doctor, but he shouts again: “I


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So my niece asked me if they have to swim to get in the Navy.

I couldn't figure it out, but I guessed she thought about it after my nephew declared that he was going into the marines and stole her crayons.

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What do you call an alligator without scales, tail, limbs or teeth?

A nothingator.

~ 4 yr. old nephew came up with it

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Did you hear about the kidnapping in school?

He woke up.
As told by my 12yo nephew

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