Natural

Jokes

Why do mountains grow so big?

They have no natural predators.

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What type of cologne does Elon musk use?

None, he just uses his natural Elon musk

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My husband died of natural causes, and I was arrested for it.

Yeah I pushed him off the roof, but gravity is natural, so it was bound to happen.

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Such a terrible waste of natural resources

Every time I think about all the girls Michael Jackson didn't sleep with it makes me want to cry.
I'm sad. I'm sad. I'm really really sad.

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How does a mathematician poop?

By removing natural logs.

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Some tourists in the Museum of Natural History are marveling at the dinosaur bones.

Some tourists in the Museum of Natural History are marveling at the dinosaur bones. One of them asks the guard, "Can you tell me how old these bones are?"

The guard replies, "They are 65,000,011 years old."

"That's an awfully exact number," says the tourist. "How do you know their age so precisely?"

The guard answe


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What do you call a couple that practices natural family planning?

Parents.

Apparently, I'm the punchline of this joke.

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Girl: Look mommy, my (you know what) is growing hair!

Mom: That's okay, it's natural that we grow hair on our monkeys!
Girl: Look sister, I'm growing hair on my monkey!
Sister: That's nothing, my monkeys already eating bananas!

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I dont understand why people are mad about the Area 51 Raid.

It’s just natural selection if they die

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How do you make a racist show concern for a black person's safety?

Tell them the black person just got hired with their natural hair.

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Which State doesnt have a natural body of water?

A Solid State

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Which State has natural body of water?

[deleted]

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List of top 10.....

Natural numbers
1. 1
2. 2
3. 3
4. 4
5. 5
6. 6
7. 7
8. 8
9. 9
10. 10

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My Grandfather died a month ago, he died of natural causes

he fell off a waterfall.

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Maude and Claude

Maude and Claude, both 81, lived in Florida. They met at the singles club meeting and discovered over time that they enjoyed each other's company.

After several weeks of meeting for coffee, Claude asked Maude out for dinner and, much to his delight, she accepted. They had a lovely evening. They dined at the most romantic restaurant in town.

Despite their ages, they e


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Do you know the joke about the yogurt?

It's natural

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I bought a quart jar of organic hominy..

but there the jar was about 5-6% overfull.

​

it was a natural corn liter.

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Played my first round of golf today. Apparently played a lot like OJ Simpson

I’m a natural slicer

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Deplet the Earth's natural resources

I barley know her

*Seinfeld laugh track insues *

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What do you think of Polyamory?

I do not approve. It is not natural. It does not make any sense.

I mean, why would I want to tell my three girlfriends about each other?

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Why are mountains so big?

they have no natural predators

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Breastfeeding in public.

I'm so tired of all the people having a problem with me breastfeeding in public. It's a natural process! Plus it helps build a bond between me and my dog. Sheesh!

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I peed accidentally on my pants today infront of my boss.

It was a natural disaster.

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Suspect: Im innocent! He died of natural causes.

Police: There was clear evidence that you pushed him off the roof.

Suspect: Well, gravity is natural.

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What annoys me is people complaining about breast feeding in public, especially when they get offended in restaurants.

It's nothing wierd it's the human body, all perfectly natural, it's 2019 for godsake some people act like they have never seen an adult baby before.

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What's the only natural thing that can be an actor?

The rock!

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My therapist says my job is too stressful and driven by competition, so she recommended meditation.

I think I'm a natural talent. I finished my first 5 minute meditation in under 2 minutes 49 seconds.

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A patient walks into his Doctors office and asks Ive been having this really bad pain in my back and money is kinda tight at the moment. Can you recommend any natural healing agents? Perhaps even meditation?

The doctor replies “sorry sir, I’m just not sha-man.”

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Why do so many women like the CEO of Tesla?

Because of his natural Musk.

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I asked an alcoholic friend why he never shut his curtains.

I asked an alcoholic friend why he never shut his curtains, turns out he loves natural light.

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Why do ghosts love to eat health foods so much?

Because they’re super natural

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A bridge to North Sydney

A Newfie was riding his Harley along the Trans Canada highway just outside of Port aux Basque when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, 'Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.'


The Newfie pulled over and replied, 'Build a bridge to North Sydney so I can ride over anytime I wan


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Its only natural that all politicians have a God complex.

They haven’t done anything in ages, they give all the best jobs to their immediate family, and no one really believes in them.

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I raise chickens humanely, and I only eat the ones that die from natural causes.

Rocks are natural, right?

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People who are offended when I breastfeed in public need to STFU.

What I'm doing is natural and strengthens the bond between me and my dog.

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Everyone told me our greatest natural resource was the minds of our children.

Why does everybody freak out when I try to harvest them?

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How to get rid of anti-vaxxers ??

It's simply natural selection bitch !!!

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If a tree falls...

If a tree falls in the woods and kills someone, did they die of natural causes?

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Why would Darwin have become prime minister if he was in the running?

Because he’s the Natural Selection for the National Election.

(Thank you to my sister taking biology for helping me make up this terrible joke about ten minutes ago.)

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A woman goes to sex-counselling

Woman: "Doctor, My partner and I have been in a relationship for some time now, but recently he's been thinking about children."


Doctor: "That's a natural thing to do for both men and women when they are in a serious relationship, what exactly is the problem?"


Woman: "He's doing it during sex."

&a


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Did you hear about the student that hooked up with his math teacher?

She really expanded his natural log.

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How do you sneak into a school for ghosts?

Just act super natural.

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Breastfeeding!

People who are offended about breastfeeding in public need to STFU! What i'm doing is natural and strengthens the bond between me and my dog!

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How do you confuse Breitbart "readers"?

Tell them that the natural diet of asylum seekers is, paedophiles.

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Cooking vegetarian food using compressed natural gas in your house is like using an extract of non vegetarian fuel to cook it.

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How do you speed up natural selection

Make a internet challenge that challenges people to dance on the very edge of a cliff with camera in selfie mode

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Why do black people always know where to go to get to the exit in movies?

They’ve escaped once before, its like natural instincts to them.

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Why do black people always know where to go to get to the exit in movies?

They’ve escaped once before, its like natural instincts to them.

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We Should Ask Buzzfeed To Make a Viral Article About a Magical Trash Island With Endless Natural Oils and No Kids! Its Location? The End of the World!

Three birds, one stone

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A blonde walks into a doctors office

Blonde: doc! I think I got a skin disease!

She proceeds to poke everywhere and every time she pokes herself she yelps

Doctor: ma’am are you a natural blonde?

Blonde: yes why?

Doctor: your finger’s broken.

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