National

Jokes

There was a huge uproar when the official theme song of the National Leukemia Foundation was announced

What's wrong with "Bad to the Bone"?

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What's the difference between a naked white woman and a naked black woman?

One is on the cover of Playboy and the other is on the cover of National Geographic.

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I ate five alarm chili last night...

...this morning I'm declaring a National Emergency at my southern border.

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What's the difference between a faggot and a refrigerator?

The refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull out the meat

Got this from National Lampoons Dirty Movie :)

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I was asked to DJ at a benefit show in aid of the National Dyslexic Association...

Made the mistake of playing YMCA.

Absolute mayhem.

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Went to a game with my dad today and as we were standing up to sing, the veteran in him kicked in and he began tearing up. I said to him, "You know, technically, national anthems are just"

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Did you hear about the hay that got arrested for stealing a box of Wheaties?

Cops said it was the last straw, but let him out on bale.

Happy National Tell A Joke Day!!!

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Do you know what DNA stands for?

National Dyslexic Association

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What's China's national anthem?

Where's Genghis Khan when you need him?

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A Russian guy named Yuri, opens a new national company.

It's called Urination.

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I heard the Republican Party is considering renaming itself as the National Conservative party

Or Nat-C for short

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What does NFL stand for?

**N**ational **F**elons **L**eague

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What happens if you blast Soviet national anthem in a private school?

It becomes a public school.

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September 15th is national camouflage day.

I hope I don't see anyone celebrating.

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If I ever die I hope Nicholas cage buys my penis.

He’s got a lot of experience with *national treasures.*

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Finals of the national trivia quiz in Foodlandia.

Foodlandia is a country where every city is named after a food and every city has a guild to represent it in competitions and such.

It was the finals of the national city vs. city trivia quiz and the two remaining contestants were guilds from Curry City and Pasta City.

The final question was "Which is the most popular pet in Foodlandia?". Each city's


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What do you call an excitable small black insect that used to work for a multi national transportation company?

An exuberant ex-uber ant.

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Here to sing the National Anthem, our first ever deaf performer, Marlee Matlin!

Let's hear it for her!

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The National Weather Service went around asking Americans what the worst disaster to hit the US in the last 50 years was.

Over 90% said Donald J Trump.

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Congrats to Rose Lavelle of Womens National Soccer team for winning the Bronze Ball, awarded for being the 3rd best player at the World Cup!

Also, huge congrats to the entire Men’s National Soccer team for coming so close but not finishing, winning the Blue Ball.

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Congrats to Rose Lavelle of the US Womens National Soccer team for winning the Bronze Ball, awarded for being the 3rd best player at World Cup!

Also, huge congrats to the entire US Men’s National team, awarded the Blue Ball, for coming so close but not finishing!

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I played the russian national anthem to my cat

Now my cat says : WEow

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Today is National Awareness Day

I had no idea

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4th July

THE 4th of JULY
INDEPENDENCE DAY!

Only stupid Americans would declare a national holiday to celebrate a fucking Will Smith film.

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I knew someone who was going to have a kid.

I asked why and he said that he liked them. The waitress came by, we put our menus down, and I ordered my hamburger.

The waitress walked behind a curtain, gave me my burger, and told my aquainance that he would get his food soon, then there was a thud and a child's whimper behind the curtain. She came back with a little red smudge on her apron that wasn't ketchup.


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What does DNA stand for?

National Dyslexic Association ...

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The National Geographic Channel has been bought up by Rupert Murdoch's Fox media empire.

From now on they'll mostly be showing documentaries about how migratory birds come over here and take all our worms.

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What's the Mexican national anthem?

The Star Spangled banner.

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An Indian who was too modern was elected as chief of the tribe

Fall was upon this remote reservation when the tribe asked their new Chief what the coming winter was going to be like. The modern day Chief had never been taught the secrets of the ancients. When he looked at the sky he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like.


Better safe than sorry, he said to himself and told his tribe that the winter was indeed expected to


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What does DNA stand for?

National Dyslexic Association.

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What is China's national sport?

Homework

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The national nude marathon won by a woman for the twentieth year in a row.

In places 2 - 10 was a group of men with no regrets.

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The national nude marathon won by a woman for the twentieth year in a row.

In places 2 - 10 was a group of men with no regrets.

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"Hey! I heard China just commemorate the Tiananmen Incident publicly !", says a white man to a Chinese national.

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Which US National park is most welcoming to Arabic and the Jewish people?

Yosemite.

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Religion RacistWhat is the difference between christianity and national socialism?


In christianity, one guy died for all the others. 

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Guys I lost a camp bag that says national guard on it

All I see is the words,where did the bad go????

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What does D.N.A. stand for?

National Dyslexic Association.

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"Take only photos and leave only foot prints" is a good motto for visiting a national park...

But an aweful one when committing a crime.

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Its almost National Jamaican Hairstyle Day.

Everyone’s dreadin’ it.

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"Hey! I heard China just legalized same-sex marriage!", says a white man to a Chinese national.

"No we didn't.", replies the Chinese national.

"But Taiwan just legalized same-sex marriage!"

"No… Taiwan is not… uh… Yes, China is … uh…"

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TIL that yesterday was National Missing Children's Day.

Parents of reddit, what are you doing with all of your new found freedom?

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I started playing the USSR national anthem at my school

Safe to say that now it was our school.

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Chinese people all have the same answer when I ask what red flags to look out for when I go to China.

They all say the national flag

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I just found out May is National Masturbation Month...

I thought it was last month. And the month before that. And the month before that. And the month before that...

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Three friends are at a pool together

One of them say “my grandpa was a national swimming champion” “ his best stroke was butterfly”

The second friend says “my grandpa was also a swimmer, he too was a national champ” “his best stroke was breast stroke”

the third one says “my grandpa was also a swimmer ! although he wasn’t able to make it to nationals


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Donald Trump loses money so fast..

...the National Debt counter has filed a restraining order.

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When Germany beat England in the World Cup Finals, one Brit was heard commenting:

"So they beat us at our national sport. We've beaten them twice at theirs!"

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Happy Sinko de Mayo!

Most people don't know this, but back in 1912, Hellmann’s mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York.

This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexi


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Mexicans and mayonnaise


Most people don't know that in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to have been the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York. This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico. But as


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