I brought a cougar into my home. It was the best thing ever.
She ate my nagging cow and now I'm single again.
My eye doctor keeps nagging me about being due for my next appointment. I told him I'm going to wait until next year.
...................When it's 2020
What do you call it when your wife is nagging on you for the 3rd time that day for playing too many videogames?
The Bitcher 3
A married man left work early on Friday and went out for a few drinks with the boys. Instead of going home, however, he ended up partying with them all weekend and spent his entire pay check.
When he finally returned home on Sunday, his wife was furious and berated him excessively.
After a couple of hours of nagging and scolding, she asked him "**How would you like it if you didn't see me for a couple of days**?!?"
"That would suit me just fine!!" the man said.
Well...Monday went by, and the man didn't s
What did Sparticus do to the cannibal who ate his nagging wife?
>!Nothing, he's gladiator.!<
What did the large reptile say to her child when it kept nagging her to listen to the song Chandelier?
We will listen to Sia later alligator.
A group of nagging dentists discovered and new chemical element.
It's called Phlosphorus.
There were two prostitutes, A and B.
A was getting richer and richer while B was just making her ends meet. One day B asks A that I do the same thing like you still how're you earning far much better than me. A answers with a smile that before sex she puts a small bomb in her cunt and during sex when it explodes, she complains to the dude that his big dick has bursted her pussy, now he have to pay $1000 instead of $200 for the d
But Baby its cold outside
Stop nagging me by sitting inside
It's a little known fact, but I had a small role in Harry Potter...
Unfortunately, most of my scenes were cut from the final movie. However, I did get to shoot a few scenes with Ron. I was going to meet up with him and other wizards in a top secret location. When I got there, I had this overwhelming feeling that I'd been here before - but the word for this feeling evaded me. Ron (well, Rupert) dismissed this saying that was impossible - the location was top s
My wife keeps complaining
How much I procrastinate.
I told her, if she doesn’t stop nagging I’ll never get this spring cleaning done
Tom and his buddy got drunk
Tom took it too far and puked on his shirt.
"Oh no! My wife will kill me she hates when i drink"
"Dont worry. Take this 20$ bill and tell her someone else puked on you and gave you the money for the cleaning."
So it was done.
Tom went home and his wife starts nagging and screaming to poor Tom.
"No honey someone puke
A Scottish Trip
"Da, why can't we just take a ferry to France for vacation?"
"Just shut up with year nagging and keep on swimming son."
Bob left work one Friday evening but since it was payday he stayed out the entire weekend partying with his mates and spending his entire wages.
When he finally appeared at home on Sunday night, he was confronted by his angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions. Finally his wife stopped the nagging and said to him, "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?"
He replied, "That would be fine with me."
Monday went by and he di
What did Spartacus do when a cannibal feasted on his nagging wife?
Nothing. He’s gladiator.
Every man wishes he could have a girlfriend who is understanding, caring, non-clingy, non-nagging, smart.
But it turns out she also has a boyfriend who thinks the same.
A golfer went to the golf course to get away from his nagging wife.
When he arrived at the golf course, he saw a man with a giant sniper rifle.
"why are you carrying a rifle around?"
"oh, I'm a hitman. you want anybody dead? 1000 bucks a shot!" the gunman replied. "look through this scope, you can see the whole town from here!"
the golfer looked through the scope.
My Girlfriend keeps nagging me to go watch flowers together... Really?
A Scotsman and his ever nagging wife...
A Scotsman and his ever nagging wife were on holiday in Jerusalem, when his wife died suddenly.
When making the arrangements, the undertaker said:
"It will cost £5,000 to send her home for burial or £50 to bury her here."
So the Scotsman said to send her home.
"But sir!", the undertaker exclaimed, "why don
My wife couldn't even wait until our wedding was over to start nagging me!
During the ceremony she kept going on about how I gotta be true to her in good times and bad, and that I have to care for her when she is sick. Unreal!
My friend kept nagging me to donate one of my prepositions to charity.
Eventually, I gave in.
My wife said she was going to start nagging me like my mother did.
My wife was constantly nagging so I decided to do the mature thing and sneak off and marry someone else
How did the Roman feel when he cannibalized his nagging wife?
Woman Was Nagging Her Husband Relationship?
A woman was nagging her husband to cut the grass, to which the husband answered, "What do I look like to you? A landscaper?!" Next time the sink was dripping, she asked him again, "Honey, can you fix the faucet?" The husband replied, "What do I look like to you? A Plumber?!" Two days later, a light bulb went out and she begged him again, "Honey, can you change th
My wife's been nagging me to see the dentist about a tooth extraction.
She says getting me to go is like pulling teeth.
A Scotsman and his ever nagging wife were on holiday in Jerusalem when the wife died suddenly. The undertaker said it will cost £5000 to ship her home or £50 to bury her here. The husband said ship her home. The undertaker said "but Sir why don't you bury her in the Holy Land and save the money." The husband said "listen here pal, a long long time ago a man called J
A man and his ever-nagging wife are on vacation in Jerusalem
While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker told the husband, "you can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the holy land, for $150.
The man thought about it, and finally decided he would have her shipped home.
The undertaker asked, "why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home when you can have her burried here fo
A man had a nagging wife.
It was his wife's birthday, so he was called to give a speech. He started his speech by saying "My wife is A B C D E F G H I J K. Then he proceeded to explain. My wife is adorable, beautiful, caring, a darling, excellent, fine, good, honest and then he stopped. I'm just kidding.
What is the difference between an old knife and a nagging wife?
one is blunt while the other is a cunt
Whats the difference between a rusty knife and a nagging wife?
one is blunt while the other is a cunt
An old couple goes to marriage counseling
An old couple came into marriage counseling one day. The husband explained that his nagging wife constantly provoked him into arguments and he was powerless to stop himself from trying to get the last word so the vicious cycle would continue. Upon further investigation the counselor realized a solution. He understood that simply ignoring the wife would get her to stop nagging and calm down and si
My girlfriend wants me to get a new phone
My girlfriend and I were sitting on a plane heading towards america, she kept on nagging at me telling me to get a new phone, (old nokia brick) Then she kept on repeating, get a new one get a new one!!!! Finally i gave into the temptation and got a new girlfriend.
A man is in the police station
He walks up to the police man.
"Please shoot my wife. I do not like my wife and I want her to die. She is always nagging me and I do not like it"
The wife enter the room
"Shut up and stop talking. Go back to the car"
The police man shoots the wife
A man and his ever-nagging wife went to Jerusalem...
but while they were there, his wife passed away. The undertaker told the husband, "You can bury her here in the Holy Land for $150 or have her shipped home for $5,000." The man thought about it for a moment and then decided to have his deceased wife shipped home.
"Why spend so much more money to have her sent home when you can just have her buried here in the Holy Land for onl
A man left work
one Friday afternoon. Being payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend hunting with the boys and spent his entire paycheck. When he finally appeared at home, Sunday night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions.
Finally, his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him, "How would yo
A Nagging Wife
An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution for his death row client.
His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.
As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you been? Dinner is
A few wifewoman jokes.
How come woman hardly ever go skiing? Not much snow between the kitchen and the laundry!
What do you do if your wife watch breaks? Nothing there is a clock on the oven.
What have you done if your wife is nagging at you in the lounge? Tied her chain too long.
And the finale, What do you say to your wife when she walks in with two black eyes? Nothing, you have