Modified

Jokes

Say what you will about genetically modified animals

At least were should get CRISPR bacon!

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I like my women like I like my cars...

Heavily Modified

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I like my women like I like my cars...

Heavily Modified

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Scientists modified bears DNA to make them more humanlike.

Unfortunately the result was unbearable.

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What do you get when a car that has been modified to be an ambulance end up taking over the world?

Universal medicar.

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A very curious customer asked a local tomato farmer if their tomatoes are genetically modified.

"No." Said the farmer "No." Said the tomato

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The world's most famous Data Entry Operator recently came back from his first vacation in his 30 year employment

We asked him to describe how his break was in one word, and he replied, "Excel'nt"

Disclaimer: This is a modified version of u/Richisnormal 's joke

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My kitchen cabinet got attacked by a genetically-modified laboratory spider last night.

I have four Super Bowls now.

*grin*

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The new LGBT NFL rules are modified from the Traditional NFL

There’s no tight end

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Dave: Excuse me, sir, is this carrot genetically modified?

Clerk: No, why do you ask?

Carrot: No, really, why do you ask?

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Customer: Excuse me, sir, is this carrot genetically modified?

Clerk: No, why do you ask?

Carrot: No, really, why do you ask?

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Where do you keep your genetically modified vegetables?

In the vegetable CRISPR

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Not sure I believe all this stuff about genetically modified food being bad for you.

I just had a really tasty leg of salmon and feel fine.

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Yo modified repost

... is so fat it doesn’t need Reddit. It’s already world wide.

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What Sound Does a Genetically Modified Cow Make?

"Gmoo"

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The twins that live next door got their car modified.

[deleted]

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The tale of the tortoise the snail and the slug.

A little tortoise is feeling sad because it wishes it could move faster, when he notices a snail. Feeling better about itself the tortoise offers the little snail a ride.

On the way they meet a slug, and the slug is also offered a ride.
Once on top, the slug meets the snail with bulging eyes:

"You better put your helmet back on, because this motherfucker is fuc


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What do you call a modified practice amongst border security workers?

A custom custom custom.

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I really don't see the problem with genetically modified food...

I've just eaten a lovely leg of salmon.

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I went to see Jurassic World because I heard there was a recently genetically modified dinosaur...

I didn't see Caitlyn Jenner anywhere

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Scared of eating genetically modified fruit?

Grow a pear.

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What do you call a super soldier that is in a coma?

A genetically modified vegetable

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I was taking a management course once and was asked if I'm any good at delegating.

"No," I responded, "I'm rubbish. I usually get someone else to do it for me."

\**borrowed and modified from someone's comment in /r/Britishproblems*

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The Fruit Revolution

So humanity progresses enough in technology to create super genetically modified fruit. These fruit are ten times larger than their natural counterparts and contain fifty times the nutrition. Obviously, this becomes a great success and scientists continue to make and improve the genetically modified fruit. Eventually they become so advanced that they develop faces and grow the ability to talk. The


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To be socially responsible, Brazil is giving out condoms to players at the World Cup. The problem is they are very hard to put on...because the can't use their hands.

Source: modified joke from a recent David Letterman monologue.

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What do you get when you cross an (italian) with a gorilla?

A retarded gorilla.

(Can be modified to offend any nationality or group)

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Ving and Ling

Earlier this year, a chinese family moved into my small town. The family had two twins who were both seniors in my class, Ving and Ling. Ving and his sister Ling were quiet to start off with, but eventually I made good friends with Ving. After talking to him for a few weeks he revealed to me that he absolutely *abhored* his name, and that he'd do almost anything to figure out how to get it


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Modified oldie: My dick is ...

Boaster: My dick is 12 inches but I don't use it as a rule
Boaster+: And mines one metre but I don't use it as a foot!

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I modified a joke my friend told me

http://www.quickmeme.com/meme/3rslgr/

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Did you guys hear about the award winning farmer?

Apparently he was outstanding in his field. [modified repost]

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Did you guys hear about the award winner farmer?

Apparently he was outstanding in his field. [Modified repost]

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Two missionaries get caught in Africa

They get caught by a tribe of primitives. The chief goes: "Alright, you've been captured in our land. Now, I'll give you a choice. It's either death or oogoo."

The missionaries look at eachother and one of them goes, "Well, I'll take oogoo."

The chief goes, "Oogoo it is!" And every single one of the missionaries picks him


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The cow, the ant, and the douchebag

A cow, an ant and a douchebag are debating on who is the greatest of the three of them.

The cow said, “I give 20 quarts of milk every day and that’s why I am the greatest!”

The ant said, “I work day and night, summer and winter, I can carry 52 times my own weight and that’s why I am the greatest!”

Why are you reading this?


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