Mirror

Jokes

I know where you does find leader of Ku Klux Clan.

Just look in a mirror...

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A little girl goes up to a preacher one day to confess her sins

"I believe I am guilty of the sin of vanity," the girl told the preacher.

To which the preacher responds "Why do you think that."

The girl tells him "Well every morning I look at myself in the mirror and think about how beautiful I am"

Then the preacher tells the girl "Oh don't worry, that's not a sin, that's


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When the teacher hands you your reflection sheet

Me:Cuts hand on the mirror I have just acquired

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If I could have one superpower, it would be invisibility

That way I wouldn't have to look myself in the mirror

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What is the best joke you have ever witnessed?

Besides yourself in the mirror.

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As someone with mirror touch synesthesia, I hate gay porn

It's a pain in the ass to watch

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Why does the suicidal and mentally disabled guy have holes in his mirror?

He kept trying to shoot him self

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A Couple Was Browsing Around An Art Museum

suddenly, a portrait caught the wife's attention.

"Wow! What an ugly portrait of a gorilla!" the wife proclaimed loudly.

The husband nervously scanned around the area and whispered to his wife "Honey, you are looking at a mirror."

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I'm surrounded by idiots

Unfortunately, I am currently stuck in a mirror maze.

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Indicative of being drunk

\- mom, dad got drunk again!

\- how do you know?

\- he is shaving the bathroom mirror!!

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I cleaned this mirror so well,

I can see myself in it...

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What do you call a close reflection?

A nearer mirror

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Heads, Shoulders, Knees and toes

Yo momma so fat she thinks that the song is about the parts on her body she cant see without a mirror

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A vampire sells a mirror

Cheap mirror, excellent condition; Never used.

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Ya cant lose what you dont have

do you have a mirror in your pocket? cuz i see myself in your pants!

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The best way to lose weight is to eat naked in front of a mirror.

The restaurant will ask you to leave before you can eat too much.

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What did the Greek cheese say when it looked in the mirror?

Halloumi

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Little Johnny Asks His Mum About Magic.

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I dont need a fucking Faceapp to see how old i look.

I've got a mirror.

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Me: I'm too sexy for myself!

Mirror: Yeah... that's hot!

Windows: sup dude!

Girls: He's so sexy, look at him... *(Giggles)*

Selfie camera: Wassup you fugly piece of shit!

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Awoken is looking at herself in a mirror

She says to her husband “ I look fat, ugly and horrible, give me a compliment”
He says “your eyesight is spot on”

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Wanna come over to my place and watch a porno?

On my flat screen mirror.

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How do you drown a blonde?

Put a mirror on the bottom of the pool

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Damn girl, is that a mirror in your back pocket?

Cuz that ass is flat as hell!

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Woman: Is that one of those hideous things called modern art?

Museum Guard: No ma'am, that's a mirror.

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Working in a mirror factory is something...

I can totally see myself doing.

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I heard a loud scream and ran as fast as I could to our bathroom. Man, you should have seen the look on my wife's face as she stared at the mirror in disbelief after seeing some grey hair...

I thought for sure she was gonna dye...

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If you came here looking for a joke Im sorry

You’ll have to look in a mirror to see one

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A chubbier woman: Mirror, Mirror on the wall, whos the fairest of them all?

Mirror: “Kindly move aside. I can’t see anything.”

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Wife looking in the mirror: You still like my body, right?

Husband [sipping whiskey]: Depends if the lights are on or not.

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Drunk guy and a mirror

Guy 1: Man you've been so drunk last night
Guy 2: No i wasn't!
Guy 1: You got in fron of a mirror and yelled at it "Mirrorly mirror of them all, who's the drunkest of them all"
Guy 2: I knew it that it was lying

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Me: (looking in the mirror an fixing my hair)
Sibling: the mirror would break when you look in it because you so ugly!
Me: well it wouldn’t break for you because YOU WOULDN’T EVEN FIT IN THE MIRROR.
Sibling: ...

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Mirrors are weird. Everybody looks at them differently.

For instance, I look in a mirror, and in my opinion the mirror is the most beautiful thing, but if you looked in it, you'd be disgusted by the sight of pure hideousness.

Mirrors are weird.

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What did the cheese say in front of the mirror?

Haloumi

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I went into a store and they sold the most horrific ugly pictures of a guy

turns out it was a mirror store

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I have body dysmorphic disorder

That means that I see myself differently to how you see me.

You probably see me as a skinny white man, but when I look at myself in the mirror, I see a fat Asian lady.

And she usually tells me to "Fuck off and stop looking through my window"

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A Blonde Woman, a Ginger Woman, a Brunette Woman, and a Black Haired Woman are Standing in Front of a Magic Mirror

The Mirror says to them: "Tell me what you think about your qualities. If they are true, you will be transported to your dream beach home. If it is false, you will be sucked into the dark dimension within me."

All the women pause for a moment.

The Brunette woman broke the silence by saying: "I think I'm the prettiest."

She was trans


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How to shower like a woman

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN

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1) Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.

2) Walk into bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see your husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

3) Look at your womanly physique in the mirror. Make mental note...Must do more sit-ups.


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To the person who stole my mirror,

You need to take a long hard look at yourself.

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You ever see something so disgusting it makes you gag?

I really hate having to look in the mirror

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My doctor cautioned me to watch my alcohol intake...

Now I always get drunk in front of a mirror.

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Managed to sneak up on myself last night, then I realised there was something wrong with my mirror.

There was a crack in it.

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The worst part about kissing a perfect ten...

... is the cold feeling your lips get from touching the mirror. 

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The Blonde joke to end all Blonde jokes

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman Police Officer, who was also a blonde.

The blonde cop asked to see the blondes driver's licence. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.

"What does it look like?" she finally asked. The Police woman said "It's square


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I was at the supermarket

I was at the supermarket when I saw an ugly guy staring at me
I went closer to him to ask why was he staring at me
Then I realized..

It was a mirror

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Magic mirror

Three ladies walked into a bar. One brunette, one redhead, and one blonde. They went to the tender and he said:” theres a magic mirror in the bathroom, if you tell the truth in front of it you will walk away with whatever you wish for. If you lie however, you will disappear forever”

The three ladies one by one went to the mirror and gave their “truths”
<


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Is that a mirror in your pocket?

Because I can see myself in your pants.

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A blonde lady cop pulls over a blond lady driver

The cop approaches and says license and registration please. The blonde driver says what’s a license? The blonde cop rolls her eyes and says it’s a little rectangular thing with your face on it. The driver searches in her purse and finds a make-up mirror, seeing her face she says Oh! Here it is. The blonde cop takes it looks at it and says Okay, you’re free to go. Why didn’


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Wait this isnt the mirror dimension

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Look at your hands now look at your desk now look at your computer now look at your face in a mirror find a mirror

and you are going to ask for a joke

sometimes it isnt evenwhat i have a headcahe mind on fire mind in flames nobosoodddddd somebody please make it stop i feel like i just got scared right now i hate my family they dont understand it doesn't matter because i cant win anyway well i can i have to believe that at least or nobody else will


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