Mercury

Jokes

I read a sigh which said "Warning: this sign is made of manganese, lead, mercury, and lithium and is poisonous. DO NOT TOUCH"

... It was written in Braille...

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Freddie Mercury once lived in a floating bio-dome that hovered inches off the ground.

It was a low-helium wrapped city.


That's it. That's the stupidest thing I've ever written.

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Do you know why Freddie Mercury was gay?

Because his teeth weren't straight at all!

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Nobody knows why Freddie Mercury died

but there has to be some fucking reason.

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Once a reporter asked Freddie Mercury if he masturbated, to which Freddie replied,

Nutting really matters to me.

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What does a broken thermometer and AIDS have in common?

They've both wasted Mercury

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Venus Williams, Freddie Mercury and Bruno Mars walk in a bar

They didn't planet that way!

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What time of year is Mercury and Uranus closest together?

Flu season

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An Astrologer and a Doctor are in a room

A patient walks in with high fever. The Astrologer asks for his star sign and date of birth while the doctor puts a rectal thermometer in his asshole.

The Astrologer acclaimed "Mercury is in Uranus!!"

Doctor looks towards the patient and says he's right. I broke the thermometer.

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What do you call a fruit that turns into a vegetable?

Freddie Mercury

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An Irishman goes to the doctor, and receives bad news.

During his routine medical check, Paddy asked the doctor, "Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life?"

"I doubt it", said the doctor, "Mercury is in Uranus right now."

Paddy said, "I don't go in for any of that astrology nonsense."

"Neither do I", replied the doctor, "But my thermometer jus


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An Astrologer and a Doctor are in a room

A patient walks in with high fever. The Astrologer asks for his star sign and date of birth while the doctor puts a rectal thermometer in his asshole.

The Astrologer acclaimed "Mercury is in Uranus!!"

Doctor looks towards the patient and says he's right. I broke the thermometer.

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What's gayer than Freddie Mercury?

Uranus

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What did Shawn Mendes and Freddie Mercury used to have in common?

It is in their blood.

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What did Freddie mercury say about life

Just begun, might throw away later

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What song did Freddie Mercury sing while doing CPR?

Another One Bites the Dust, probably.

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Why did Freddie Mercury love Tron?

Because another one bit the dust.

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Freddie Mercury, Venus Williams and Bruno Mars Walk into a bar.

But they didn't planet that way.

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What do you call it when Freddy Mercury rapes his brother?

A brohemian rhapsodi

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What is the only chocolate that Freddie Mercury likes?

AYDS chocolate bars

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Freddy Mercury was invited..

.. to be on 'Celebrity Bake Off' . The host says to him "So, Freddie, how many cakes will you be making for us today?" Freddie replies "I want to bake three..."

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I hate it when people compare Freddie Mercury to God. I mean, he's great and all,

but he's no Freddie Mercury!

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Why do you die if you listen to too much Queen

It has a very high mercury content.

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Freddie Mercury was an exceptional pianist...

...but he sucked on organs.

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Freddie Mercury offered to cater my wedding, so I asked him how many cakes hed be making.

He said “I want to bake three.”

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I don't really see the significance of Princess Diana shaking the hands of AIDS victims.

Freddie Mercury used to fuck them.

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Did you hear about the new anti-vaxxer relationship counseling book?

Men are from Mars, Autism is from Mercury.

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How many anti-vaxxers does it take to change a florescent light bulb?

None, they contain mercury and light causes phototropism.

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What do you call it when Freddie Mercury floats?

Flam-buoyant

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What did the priest say when Freddie Mercury was lowered into his grave?

"This is the cleanest hole he's ever been in"

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Why Freddie Mercury died of AIDS

Because his name is FredDIE and his biggest concert was Live AID(S)

Also Mercury in large doses is poisonus.

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Why Freddie Mercury died of AIDS

Because his name is FredDIE and his biggest concert was Live AID(S)

Also Mercury in large doses is poisonus.

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What's the difference between Freddy Mercury and Michael Jackson?

The kitties they slept with.

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What do you call it when an autistic child has a fever?

Mercury Rising.

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A man visits a doctor for routine check-up.

During check-up he asks the doctor, "Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life then?"

Doctor replies, "I doubt it somehow. Mercury is in Uranus right now."

The man, little annoyed, says, "I don't come in here for any of that astrology nonsense."

The doctor replied, "Neither do I. My thermometer just broke.&quo


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What does Freddie Mercury say when he plays hide amp go seek?

Can anybody find me?

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What would Freddie Mercury say, if he is dreaming about drowning in Orange juice?

Is this surreal life? Or is it FANTA-SEA?

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Did you hear about the guy who got eaten by his own retrievers?

I guess Freddie Mercury was right; too much lab will kill you.

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Isnt Freddie Mercury American?

That’s why they call him Mr Fahrenheit.

I’m travelling at the speed of light

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Isnt Freddie Mercury American?

That’s why they call him Mr Fahrenheit.

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What Stevie Wonder and Freddie Mercury have in common (except that both are musicians)?

They both didn't see it coming.

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What do you call an Indian Freddy Mercury?

Freddy Makecurry

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My doctor banned me from listening to my Queen albums...

...due to their high Mercury content.

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TIL: Listening to Queen albums is one of the factors that might cause autism.

Possibly because of the high Mercury content.

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A new movie about. Mozart's influence on Freddie Mercury is being made

It's called "The Magic Fruit"

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If Freddie Mercury transmitted HIV to someone...

...Was it considered Mercury poisoning?

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Why did Freddy Mercury stay home from school?

He had a temp of 200 degrees Farenheit.

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A young Freddie Mercury walks into a music class

Music Teacher: "What instrument do you play?"

Freddie: "The crowd."

Music Teacher: "What do you mean?"

Freddie: "AAAAAAAYYYYYYYYOOOOOOOO"

Music Class:"AAAAAAAYYYYYYYYOOOOOOOO"

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What did Freddy Mercury say when he was playing hide and seek?

“Can anybody find meeeeeeee...?”

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What do Freddie Mercury and Ayrton Senna have in common?

They both died with skid marks on their helmet.

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