Material

Jokes

Teacher : Alright who can name a flammable material?

Jewish Kid : “ME! ME! ME!”

Teacher : “Okay what else?”

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

So, there's a Mommy particle, a Daddy particle, and a Baby particle...

...and they all came together.

Not my best physics joke, but hey it's a big universe-- I have a lot of material to work with.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

So there's a mommy particle, a daddy particle, and a baby particle...

...and they all came together.

​

Not my best physics joke, but hey it's a big universe-- I have a lot of material to work with.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

My professor just told me that rereading other peoples material is the key to success

I guess thats why there are 17.1M people on /r/Jokes

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

WTW for a material thats both flammable and buoyant?

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What material do pirates love pirating?

XXX because x's mark the spot.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What material do pirates loving pirating?

XXX because x's mark the spot.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What do you call a friend that you can rely on to deliver all the advertising material?

A brochure.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Stopped buying jeans

I could never find jeans that fit, every pair long enough would be too wide up top. So I switched to sweatpants, smaller waste of material.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A lawyer bought a brand new Porsche

He parked it in front of his office to show it off to his colleagues. As he was getting out of the car, a truck came speeding along too close to the kerb and took off the door before zooming off.

Furious, the lawyer grabbed his phone and called the police. Five minutes later the police arrive. Before the policeman had a chance to ask any questions, the man started screaming hysterical


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Why do eco-activists make horrible stand up comedians?

They consistently refuse to use anything but recycled material.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What material are Mario and Luigis overalls made of?

Denim denim denim

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Why can't Madonna walk through walls?

Because we're living in a material world and she's a material girl.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Prosthetic breasts were changed to plastic material after numerous reports of lip splinters occurring during foreplay.

That would suck wooden tit?

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

You can tell a lot about a woman by the placement of her breasts.

For instance, if they're on Instagram, she's probably not wifey material.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What's the most eco-friendly site on the Internet?

Reddit - it recycles most of its material.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A friend once told me that she loves Hot Dogs

I was amazed at how bold she was with her fetish until I asked her which site she gets her material from.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To give karmawhores some decent material.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I never understood people's fanatic attachment to their clothes..

..it's just sew material.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What material are the Mario Brothers overalls made of?

Denim, denim, denim

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What is Mario's favourite type of material?

Denim

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Rape fantasies are no joke.

But they are stand up material.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Ant-man

I always wondered where my friend, a successful comedian, got his material from. He confided in me that every time he ejaculated, a new ant would come out of his penis and say something funny to him. So it turns out that the best jokes are found in the cum-ants!

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

If I had a dollar for every time I heard "If I had a dollar" jokes...

I could pay someone to write better material

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What does this sub and a person who recycles have in common?

They're constantly reusing old material.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Jokes on Reddit are like a paper bag

They're 100% recycled material.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Fresh original material. Definition of Aretifist:

Someone seriously aroused when a partner bares their sole.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Why do environmentalists iron their clothes?

To decrease the material being used

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What's the difference between professional comedians and rJokes?

Professional comedians don't use Reddit to test material... 🤣

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Why was the planet made of 99 organic material considered evil?

It was rotten to the core.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Request: Christchurch Shooting Jokes

Hi Guys, a little soon but I want to be the first in my friend group with some good material for christchurch mosque jokes. Anyone heard any goodies?

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I showed my Dad my comedy material

He said "sorry, Son, but this shit is laughable"

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What do you call jokes written on paper?

Material.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

If I had a dollar for every repost I see on Reddit, Id be just like Carlos Mencia...

Making money off of used material.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

The seamstress tried her hand at making jokes.

But this time she was all out of material.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Reddit can now celebrate being one of the top 10 green companies.

As of now, more than 90% of frontpage material is recycled.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Researchers from the University of Minnesota just discovered a material that superconducts at room temperature.

Seems the heating went out last night.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What's the difference between rjokes and a recycling depot?

Occasionally new material passes through the recycling depot.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A priest, a swami, and a rabbi...

A priest, a swami, and a rabbi were arguing as to who were the best at their job. So they decided to go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it to their respective religion. After several hours, they met up again at a local disco to share the result of their venture.

The priest began: "When I found the bear, I told of him of Christianity, and the glory of the almig


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Glitter Box

a box or tray containing tiny, shiny and colorful granular absorbent material into which a cat can urinate or defecate.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

The world's most famous comedians are probably on this sub, voting and fishing for material.

No joke.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

How can you tell when clothes are too big for you?

They lack any XS material

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Men with piercings are ideal...

Men with piercings are ideal marriage material. They are not new to pain and they have experience with buying jewelry.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

My friend, who was made out of fuzzy-felt, spotted a robbery

the police drafted him in as he was a material witness.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

'My ex was a real material girl.'

- Buffalo Bill

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I airplayed youtube rewind 2018 on my class apple TV

I got expelled for showing inappropriate material

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What's the difference

Between a pickpocket and a peeping Tom? A pickpocket snatches watches...

That's old Redd Foxx material but I heard it again the other day and thought I'd share.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Amy Schumer gets mad when people describe her as fat, slutty, and disgusting..

because she doesn't like when people steal her material.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

The material I have bends in a strange way but it should be suitable for the client

Weird flex but okay

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I googled how to karma-whore on my cake day.

*Recycling is the process of converting waste materials into new materials and objects. It is an alternative to "conventional" waste disposal that can save material and help lower greenhouse gas emissions.*

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE
LOAD MORE