Master

Jokes

Not a Master Baker

What do you call a guy who cries when he masturbates?

A tearjerker.

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Why did the owl go to the gym?

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What does a pro fisherman, a serial killer, and a teenager have in common?

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What do you call a Japanese coffee master

senseo

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Some friends discuss about why only women can be "sluts", and when men have Sex with different people, they're studs.

Then a man says: Look, when you have one key that fits im every lock, you have a master key.

But when you have a lock where every key fits in, you just have a crappy lock.

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What do you call a fisherman of the highest level?

A Master Baiter.

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Why did the Jedi kill his master?

To get to the other side.

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How do you call a dead spiritual master?

Cantguru

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Im a master lock picker

No matter how many locks to choose from, can can always pick the right one.

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A master of spirituality has invited his followers for a final test.

The master is praising them and then explains, "You will now learn about Chi. Everything has chi from the birds, to the bugs, to the land itself. Chi is the energy that governs all life..." The master began to sleep.

"Master, what is the matter!?" The followers panic except for one. He had enlightenment. The enlightened follower picked up his phone and started a c


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If Jeffery Epstein was truly the puppet master of a hidden child-sex ring, where did he keep all the classified information?

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The Horniest Man in the World

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Writing is like playing DampD with yourself...

...Dungeon Master-bation, as it were.

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What did Master Yoda say when he first saw himself on Blu Ray?

HDMI

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What do you call a principal that used to be a prostitute?

The Head Master

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A Kung Fu student asks his teacher, "Master, why does my ability not improve? I'm always defeated." And the master, pensive and forever patient, answers

"My dear pupil, have you seen the gulls flying by the setting sun and their wings seeming like flames?"

"Yes, my master, I have."

"And a waterfall, spilling mightly over the stones without taking anything out of its proper place?"

"Yes, my master, I have witnessed it."

"And the moon, when it touches


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Sword master

My grandfather was getting out of the car today and asked me why he brought both his e cigarettes, I told him it was so he could JUUL wield.

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John Cena, Bruce Willis, and a master assassin walk into a bar

"H-h-hello? W-w-who's there?!" asked the bartender to the front doors that just opened on their own.

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"Master Ludwig," said Beethoven's manservant one day, "where do you get your inspiration from?"

"Why, from you of course, dear Heinrich!" Beethoven answered.

Heinrich slapped his thigh in delight. "Oh, what a joker you are, master! A genius like you inspired by a dullard like me! That's a good one. Ha-ha-ha-*haaaah*! Ha-ha-ha-*haaaah!*"

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What do you call a painting of the Dalai Lama?

Master Peace.

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You hear about the latest computer that the Armys using?

Well, this general puts in a question. The question is this: ‘Will there be peace or war in our time?’

​

The wheels whir. The lights flash. The machine grinds out the answer: *Yes.*

​

The general is upset. He feeds back the question: "Yes, what?"

​

The


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So there were 3 Mathematicians and 3 Engineers...

... and they were all traveling to the same conference. At the train station, the mathematicians each bought a train ticket, and the engineers only bought one to share between the three of them.

"What a bunch of idiots," the mathematicians said. "When the ticket master comes through, they'll be kicked off the train!"

Sure enough, on board the trai


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Why did people call him Lord Vader?

Because Master Vader didn't sound quite right.

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Life of a penis must be awful.

Life of a penis must be awful. His master beats him, people call him a "dick", his hair is a mess, his best friend is nuts and his neighbour is an asshole.

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A sadist and a masochist meet for some kinky time

They go to the sadist's room, full of whips, clips, bondage stuff etc. The sadist slowly goes from one device to the next, eyeing the masochist.

The masochist can't take it anymore and blurts out "Oh yes master, whip me, spank me, hurt me!"

And the sadist, with an evil, horny grin, answers:

"No !"


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A scout master and a cub scout go into the woods

A scout master and a cub scout go into the woods late one night, the woods are very dense and quite terrifying at this late hour. As they travel deeper and deeper into the woods the cub scout becomes more and more terrified of his surroundings, "it sure is scary out here scout master Kevin, I'm really getting creeped out" to which the scout master replies "oh man, you sure aren


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A man named Joseph decided to become a monk...

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Part 1, of which most people have heard some variation

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A man named Joseph decided to become a monk. Eventually he committed fully and went to monk school, where his classmates shorten his name to Joe. Then he went to monk graduate school were he got a degree on monkology and after he flew to Europe where there are plenty of m


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Why did young Beto O'Rourke's parents have to fire their butler?

He kept calling their son Master Beto.

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How does Beto O'Rourke's butler address his boss?

Master Beto

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Batman is a master of jokes...

Robin: Hey, did you ever think about the jokes of the joker? Sometimes I feel his deepest inner fears seem to be hidden behind his horrible facade.

Batman: Feels bad, man.

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We'll see

A boy is given a horse on his 14th birthday. Everyone in the village says, "Oh how wonderful." But a Zen master who lives in the village says, "We'll see." 'The boy falls off the horse and breaks his foot. Everyone in the village says, "Oh how awful." The Zen master says, "We'll see." The village is thrown into war and all the young men have t


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Jedi Master finally named after being found dead from radiation poisoning in Ukraine

Obi Wan Chernobi

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A guy walks into a bar with a dog...

... The bartender looks up and says, "You can't come in here with that mutt!"

The guy says, "Whoa, whoa, whoa! This ain't no ordinary dog. As a matter of fact, you should be paying for my drinks, because this dog is going to draw a crowd. It's a talking dog."

The bartender scoffs, but is curious non-the-less, "Let's hear him.&q


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Vampire Hunters


So 2 vampire hunters, a master and his apprentice, were on the trail of an especially evil and clever vampire. They came across a group of people they knew the vampire was hiding among

The apprentice wondered if they had enough garlic to check every one to see if he was the vampire, but the master said he had a simpler solution. He went up to each person and asked them to count


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What do you call a professional fisherman?

A Master Baiter

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Sega announced a new toilet at E3

Its called the "Master Cistern".

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I stumbled across some porn today and it was the wildest scene Ive ever witnessed.

It was one man and one woman, vaginal sex on a bed. No anal, DP, DAP, DVP, gangbang, blowbang, midgets, double anal, cum snorting, cum shot, gargling, gagging, blind folds, smacking, choking, MMF, FFM, transsexual, transvestism, gay, lesbian, water sports, hard sports, squirting, fisting, spitting, slapping, mom-daughter, step dad, step brother, step sister, panty stuffing, BBC, BWC, BBW, granny,


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Who is the master of corn religion ?

The pope corn

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Up the mountain, a japanese asked the wise man: "Master Akira, why every western man thinks that we, japanese, all look alike?"



"I am not Master Akira."

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Osama Bin Laden is still alive, and the President has to decide which company has to chase him down.

The candidate companies are FBI, KGB and Italian Police. To pass the selection, the best agent of each company has to complete three challanges: in the first room he'll have to take down a Karate master, to prove his strength in combat; in the second room he'll have to comb a lion, to prove his stealth attitude; in the third room he'll have to rape a 4 years old girl, to prove that


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My dream of becoming a Lego master builder has been destroyed

I'm in bits

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A tale of Middle Earth

In the land of Gondor there lived one of the most renowned gardeners in all of Middle Earth.


All the various people would come to Master Kizal for healing herbs that could be found nowhere except his gardens. The Elves would come to him for rare tree saplings and advice on how to care for ailing trees. Even the dwarves would come to him from time to time for the plants they c


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A young monk arrives for work at a monastery

A young monk arrives for work at a monastery where scrolls are copied from prior scrolls by hand. After some time he noticed that they are copying from copies. Humbly he points out to the master monk that an error could be introduced and then copied and recopied via this process.


The master reassured the youngster that they are very careful to faithfully copy the text and


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A man and his son are setting up a trap

Jason, the son, and Brandon, the dad.. are having a squirrel problem. They are making traps, the son is hesitant because the dad has screwed up before, such as setting the backyard on fire and cutting his finger.

The son: dad, are you sure about this?
Dad: Relax Jason, I'm a master-baiter


The wife walks in and says : THAT EXPLAINS WHY YOU HAVE SO MANY


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Who is a wizard master with a flowing beard who gets triggered by uttering a word that starts with 'L'?

[Richard Stallman](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QlD9UBTcSW4)

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What do you get when you mix a pig and a karate master?

A porkchop.

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I joined a fishing club and won a trophy on my first day.

All of the other members call me.

The Master Baiter.

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Do you know why they called him Lord Vader?

Because calling him Master Vader never would have worked.

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How would you describe a Kung-fu Dojo Master who's always dressed in designer gear?

Sensei Chanel

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I bought a spider yesterday

He had a master in web-design

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