Marker

Jokes

I saw a buddy last night coming out of a bar half drunk..

He had in marker 3.14 written on his forehead.
I asked if that was a scripture?
He said no, he got a pie in the face.

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When I feel insignificant, I write my auto biography in dry erase marker.

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How do you study for a DNA test?

highlight the answers with a genetic marker

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New research shows that Hitler had a substance abuse problem.

Apparently he liked to sniff marker pens.

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What did the marker say to the other marker

oh hi marker

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How do you make a black marker to work?

Beat it.

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When is the best occasion to wear a gravestone marker hat?

When your hair is dyed

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Yo momma so fat...

she got her clit pierced to act as a property marker.

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Yo momma so fat she got her clit pierced...

So it would act like a property marker

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James Bond is on a mission to the white house

007: Q!

Q: Yes sir

007: Do you have the package?

Q: Yes sir! It's armed and ready

007: Good. Now do you have a marker on you

Q: Uhh sure here

007: thanks

*writes on package: From Russia with Love*

007: He'll never suspect a thing

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What'd you call a marker that smokes weed?

A highlighter

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Whats a wizards favorite art supply?

A magic marker.

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The year is 2540.

A student in history class notices something off about his textbook. "How come these textbooks skip the years 1990 through 1999?" The teacher puts his air-marker down on the table, lowers his head, and sighs. "Because..." he lifts his head, a single tear rolls down his cheek, "...only 90's kids remember the 90's."


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I have been trying to trace my father,

but i cannot find a marker

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Doctor, doctor I keep thinking I'm a French floating water marker.

Eau Buoy !
(This only works for Brits, as Americans say it like it's boo-ee)

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I asked the blonde nurse why she had a red magic marker.

She said it’s easier to draw blood with it.

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I was amazed to find out that Europeans use whiteboards the same way as Americans...

They just pick up the marker, Denmark on it.

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How do you turn a brown crayon into a red marker? oc

Hemorrhoids.

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James Bond on mission to take out Trump

007: Q!

Q: Yes sir

007: Do you have the package?

Q: Yes sir! It's armed and ready

007: Good. Now do you have a marker on you

Q: Uhh sure here

007: thanks

*writes on package: From Russia with Love*

007: He'll never suspect a thing

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I saw this guy scribbling on a poor dog with a marker pen.

It was a Sharpei.

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I was called to school because my 9 year old son vandalized a wall in school's bathroom with a permanent marker again

That's where he drew the line

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Purple Passion

Little Johnny was sitting in math class when he got bored. So he looks under his desk, as we all do time to time, and saw something written in purple marker:Purple Passion. So Johnny raised his hand and said "Teacher, I found something in purple marker written under my desk." The teacher asked "What was it Johnny?" And Johnny said "Purple Passion." The teacher sent hi


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An American and his wife are on a trip to australia.


They're driving down the outback when the man sees a person fucking a kangaroo.

"that's disgusting" he says to his wife.

after another couple miles he sees ANOTHER man fucking a kangaroo.

"that's it, we're going to the police."

he drives to the police station where he sees a man without a leg masturb


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So, my 3 year old cousin was over this morning.

I needed to grab a quick shower as I let him watch cartoons in the living room. When I came out, there was black permanent marker all over my 55 inch TV screen. I LITERALLY FREAKED OUT. Does anyone know what is best used to clean blood out of a carpet?

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At work today I noted that it's difficult to see yellow marker on white paper...

My Asian coworker said, "Are you trying to say you can't see white and yellow together?"

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What is the only thing more permanent than a Sharpie marker?

A STD.

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Why was the teacher arrested for writing in permanent marker?

He wrote "1 + 0 = 0" and then spent the rest of the lesson trying to rub one out...

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The year is 2540, a student in history class notices something off about his textbook...

"How come these textbooks skip the years 1990 through 1999?"

The teacher puts his air marker down on the table, lowers his head, and sighs. "because..." he lifts his head, a singled tear rolls down his cheek, "... only 90's kids remember the 90's"

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What's a stoners favorite marker?

A Highlighter

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I wrote in my diary and went through it with a bright yellow marker.

It was the hi lite of my day.

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Worst Job in the World

As part of a new Reality TV program, the network sends a crew to find the person with the worst job in the world. They start with a guy who has to remove road kill from the highways. "This is nothing," he says, "My last job was marking landmines. Then a few days ago some guy came up to me begging for that job!"

So they track down the landmine marker out in the des


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I wrote on my stereo in marker that this is the loudest stereo of all time.

I was stereotyping

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What do you call a horse getting carried away with a magic marker?

A zebra.

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What did one dog say to the other when he wanted a marker?

"Pass the Shar Pei, please."

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When I study, I highlight with a black permanent marker, forcing my brain to memorize that shit.

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When I study, I highlight with a black permanent marker, forcing my brain to memorize that shit.

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LPT Request: My 2 year old son drew in permanent marker all over the walls

So I took a shower earlier today and left my 2 year old son in the living room with the TV on thinking he would be ok. I come out 20 minutes later and he covered the entire living room in green permanent marker that he somehow got a hold of. As you can imagine, I flipped out and immediately ran to the store to buy cleaning supplies. I tried at least five different types, and scrubbed for at lea


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How is Bill Cosby like a permanent marker at a frat party?

They're both black and touch you after you pass out.

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What do you call a dry erase marker convention?

An Expo Expo.

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I always give 100

Which is why I was sacked from being an exam marker.

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