Making

Jokes

I love making spreadsheets.

I Excel at it.

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Why do men like to see lesbians kiss?

Men are visual creatures. Two women making out is a visual stimulus that is very exciting to see. It's $exy, seductive and a fantasy. Plus, as a guy, you aren't seeing some other guy in the picture.

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Why were the workers so bad at making houses?

They couldn't take constructive criticism.

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I once turned down a threesome in university because I thought they were trying to get my chocolate bar.

Two girls were making out with each other as I wait for the elevator.

They asked if I "wanted to share."

I told them no because that was the last Mars bar in the vending machine.

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I was making chicken noises in class

Got a detention for using fowl language

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I was making fancy French cheese...

I tried to make the rind but it didn't work. Turns out I had used penicillin instead of *Penicillium*...

Just one more food ruined by antibrieotics...

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I tried making a steak and cheese omelette but I messed up the flip...

I guess you can say that I beefed the eggsecution.

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What country was the best at making furniture?

The Ottoman Empire.

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I heard that Oscar Meyer is making a bra for older women.

It's called Bologna! (Below knee)

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Whats the Difference between a baby and a Maraca?

A baby stops making noise after you shake it

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A guy with leprosy walks into a bar.

he sits down next to a man and order a beer. a few minutes pass and the guy next to the leper vomits all over the bar. the leper, being used to it, moves to the other end of the bar.

a few minutes later, the guy vomits again. the leper is still unfazed.

after the leper orders his second beer, the guy pukes again. finally the leper says to the guy "fuck it, i'll


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My boss fired me for making too many Asian jokes.

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Dont Lick the Spoon

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What did the triceratops name her Blouse Making business?

Try Sarah's Tops

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One day 3 people were stuck on an island with cannibals.

The cannibals said, "If you do what we say, we wont kill you." So the cannibals said, "Go into the forest and pick 10 fruits of the first fruit you see. "

So the first person came back out of the forest with 10 apples. The cannibals said, "Put the apples up your ass without making a facial expression." The person then made a facial expression after the se


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I heard Tarantino is making a new movie about down-and-out street musicians ...

It's called Inglorious Buskers.

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Whatever You Do, Dont Lick the Spoon.

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Guys, we should really stop making fun of VSCO girls...

If we don't, they'll all turn into sksksks school shooters.

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I got in trouble for making obscene remarks about a co-worker's butt

But looking at harrassment the world to me

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Preparing for a triathlon

The average hippopotamus can run at 30 km/h, making it faster than the average human.

The average hippopotamus can swim at 8 km/h, making it faster than the average human.

So if you're preparing for a triathlon against hippos, you better practice riding a bike!

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My boss fired me for making too many Asian jokes.

It was the end of my Korea.

I'm still China find another job.

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I tried making plans with the farmer that hays my field....

But he always bales.

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Them: you can't keep making pokemon jokes!

Me: Wynaut

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I decided to try my luck at writing crime novels...

I'm making a killing.

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Did you guys hear about the new software google is making for people that have Down syndrome?

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Yesterday, scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.

To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed that 100% of them gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became emotional, couldn't drive, and refused to apologize when wrong.
NO FURTHER TESTING REQUIRED

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A boy and a girl are making out...

The boy asks, "So, do you want to have sex?"
The girl replied, "I don't know, what if I get pregnant?"
The boy says, "Oh, don't worry. I never took sex ed, so I don't know *how* to make you pregnant."

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Making fun of people with erectile disfunction...

Is kind of a dick move, if you ask me

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To people who purposely mispronounce people's names for attention, stop it.

You're making a Sean.

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Why doesnt Donald Trump worry about droughts?

Because Treduea is making Meliana wetter than a rainforest.

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Women and Crime...

Despite making up roughly 49% of the population.

Women are responsible for 100% of the crimes in space.

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My daughter keeps making rash decisions.

As a dermatologist, it's all in a day's work.

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I feel like I could start a nonprofit. Id be really good at not making a profit.

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A psychiatrist congratulated his patient on making such good progress.

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I like my women like I like my coffee

Sweet, always there for me, and making me feel better when I'm tired

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If you're not making progress...

Are you making congress?

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Amazon prime video must be pretty popular.

I heard they're making billions of fire sticks in Brazil to keep up with demand.

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Why must you stop making fun of the fat girl with a lisp?

She's thick and tired of it.

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You'll only get this one if you're familiar with logical fallacies

If anyone ever witnesses a *true* no-true Scotsman logical fallacy, should definitely call out the person making it!

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Making holy water is easy.

Just boil the hell out of it.

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I love this joke and need help not making it bigoted. "Why don't they have ice in Poland?"

The lady with the recipe died.


Anyway I think this is hilarious although certainly disparaging to Polacks is there a way to restructure this so I'm not making fun of any particular culture or ethnicity? Thanks!

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The wife is 2 months and 3 days late...

But she really isn't late. Missing 1 period is normal.

Also you don't count periods until they are missing a week past.

So technically she is fine. Little red riding hood still has more 4 days to visit before testing for if the wife is *Preg*o but she definitely isn't making *Rag*u right now either.


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Making a dog happy is so easy

It's a walk in the park.

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A man is walking home late at night...

...when he sees a woman in the shadows.

"Twenty bucks," she says.

He's never been with a hooker before, but he decides what the hell. They're going at it for a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them... it's a police officer.

"What's going on here, people?" asks the officer.

"I'm makin


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Dating you is like making wine

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I tried eating Risotto the other day, but didn't like it at all.

It kept making razor blades in my throat.

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Bud light is a lot like making love on a boat

It's fucking close to water.

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So they are making glass coffins.

Will they be popular?

Remains to be seen.

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Her:hey,what are you doing? Him:I'm making holy water. Her:how is boiling water making holy water?

Him: I'm boiling the HELL out of it

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3 men are captured by a tribe

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