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Three bulls walk in a field

Three bulls heard the rancher was bringing another bull onto the ranch.


First Bull: "I've been here five years. I'm not giving this new bull any of my 100 cows."


Second Bull: "I've been here three years and have earned my right to 50 cows. I'm keeping all my cows."


Third Bull: "I've


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I live alone in an Island

Visitor: Hello Sir! Don't you get lonely living up here?

Hermit: No, I don't. Not at all!

Visitor: So, what do you do during the morning Sir?

Hermit: I have coffee and Rosary.

Visitor: What about during the afternoon?

Hermit: I have coffee and Rosary.

Visitor: What about during those very cold nights?


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So a guy wants to live on a Danish island...

He finds that the island is empty.

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So a nigger, a spic, and a white man...

are walking down an alley when they come across a lamp. One of them rubs it and a genie comes out and say each of you have 1 wish. The nigger says "i would like me and my other african americans to go back to live in africa happily". Then he dissapears. The spic says "i would like all of my fellow hispanic to go live happily in mexico". Finally the white man says "so your


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I live in constant fear that Trump will deport my Latina mother-in-law who lives at 324 3rd st. Los Angeles.

She gets off at 6.

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What do Blazes (from Minecraft) and Dutch people have in common

Both live in the nether(lands) and love to blaze it.

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Did you know no one holds the world record for counting from 0 to 1 the fastest. So here live on reddit I am going to attempt to claim it. Here we go

0.1

0.2

0.3

Nevermind, Fuck it. This is going to take forever.

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Where do rich feminists live?

In man-shuns.

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What do spiders and Yoko Ono have in common?

They both live off dead beatles.

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Im not going to give you the remote, and yeah, I feel pretty confident about that.

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Who is the most American?

3 guys from India have just arrived at the Statue Of Liberty. They make a pact to live for 1 year in America and return to the statue to prove who is the most American.

1 year passes and sure enough, they all meet up at the same place they departed from

The first guy opens with "Guys, I am so American! I drive a gas gussler, live in a trailer and beat my wife!"


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My girlfriend and I are in a long distance relationship.

I live in Spain, and she lives in the future

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Why do seagulls live by the sea?

Because if they lived by the bay, they'd be called bagels!

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The NYPD perform a welfare check

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The NYPD perform a welfare check

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They are on to me. I escaped once its all a lie, a fabrication. The world in which we live in isnt real. Im scared.

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Why do Canadians live in igloos?

They have to keep themselves cold because their Prime Minister's so hot.

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I live on Attractive Roadkill Lane.

It's a pretty rundown area.

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If u drink 1752000 5 hour energies you can have enough energy to live for 1000 years

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3 college students are living together to save money

One day they decided to carpool to conserve gas and cash, but they live in the top floor of a 30 floor apartment. The

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My therapist says I need to live more in the present.

But that was last week.

Oh well. Maybe next week will be better.

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My wife asked what would I do if we had another kid, I said,

I'd send him to live with his dad.....

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Where does poor pasta live?

In the spaghetto!

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Doctor doctor I'm obsessed with boars...

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I'd much rather live in Norway than Denmark so I don't have to switch insurance providers.

Denmark doesn't have a Blue Cross as far as I know.

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Local Boy Stuns Courtroom in Custody Case

In Cleveland, Ohio a fifteen-year old boy was at the center of a courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him.

The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulation requiring that family unity be maintained to the highest degree possib


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Woman has only 12 hours left to live

Woman:I want you to kiss me all night long until tomorrow.



Man:You are lucky you don't have to get up early tommorow.

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One sock turned to the other

Left: knock knock

Right: Who's there?

Left: we live in a shh

Right: we live in a shh who?

Left: yes we do, right. Yes we do.

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A Doctor tells his patient "You have three days left to live. But there's also good news."

They are not consecutive.

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Erics buddy walks up to him.

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Love

love is a very important for any man or woman.Without love nobody live happly.If live to the earth. You have to be in a love.And other hand love is a very painful things in the earth.With love you can't get realx

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The reason time travelers don't visit us

They all listened to self help gurus who told them to live in the present.

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People say it couldnt be done, but I have worked at McDonald's for 20 years and I have enough saved to live off of for the rest of my life.

If I die before before next month.

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Which weighs more, a pound of bricks or a pound of feathers?

They both weigh the same except you also have to live with the weight of what you did to those birds.

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Where does overweight Batman live?

In the fat cave

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Where do poor Italiens live?

In the Spaghetto. Haha molto bene!

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What is more disgusting than a pile of 100 dead babies?

One live one in the middle eating its way out.

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What state do colorblind people live in?

ado

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A doctor told a patient he had 5 days to live

He killed the doctor
the judge gave him 20 years

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My Nan died this morning.

I rung my best friend and told him

*" I can't believe it"* I said. *"I always thought she would live to be 100"*


*"Were you close?"* he asked


*"Well"* I replied, *"She was 97, so only 3 years out"*

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History of Abuse

In Dallas Tx- A fifteen-year old boy was at the center of Dallas Tx courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him.
The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulation requiring that family unity be maintained to the highest degree possible.


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Once there was a little bird that was migrating south for the winter. But he was a little late and the cold froze him. Frozen he crashed into an open field where he waited for death.

As he lay there waiting for death a cow passed him by and shat on him. The warmth of the shit started to thaw him and he felt warm and good. He knew he would live and started to sing in happiness.

Meanwhile, a nearby cat heard the singing and arrived where the bird lay to investigate. The cat found the little bird and promptly had it for dinner.

Moral of the story:


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Having birthdays is really good for your health.

Statistics show that the people who have had the most birthdays live the longest.

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What do you hear from people who live in dangerous cities like Stockton?

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In Oakland a 15 year old kid challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him.

The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulation requiring that family unity be maintained to the highest degree possible.
The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested


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How I got be 98

A journalist crew comes to this 98 year old's house for an interview:
- So, tell us your secret?
- Well, one time while on holiday in Greece I got so wasted that I took this Italian guy behind the bar and gave him a blow job.
- And that's how you got to live to 98 years???
- Oh that secret... Nothing much just lots of fruit and green vegetables and some morning


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Why do nine ants get to live in an apartment for free?

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What do you hear from people who live in dangerous cities like Chicago?

I don't know If I'm hearing gunshots or fireworks.

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You know you live in Stockton

When you say I can't tell if I'm hearing gunshots or fireworks.

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What's a joke you hear when you live in a dangerous city?

I can't tell if I'm hearing gunshots or fireworks, especially during News Years Eve or 4th of July.

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