Lightly

Jokes

I hate it when people takes suicide lightly

like WFT, kill your self

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Jason is driving when he sees a hitch hiker on the side of the road.

The man looks a bit rough, but Jason pulls over and lets him in.

After driving for a few minutes, the hitch hiker asks, "Hey, aren't you worried that I might be a serial killer?"

Jason chuckles lightly and replies, "The odds of two serial killers being in the same car are very slim."


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Why do we always take boring morons so lightly?

Because they are Boron!






p.s: bad joke, bad joke...

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Son asks his father why does he speak so lightly at home? Father replies because there is artificial intelligence that listens to everything we say.

Son laughs, the dad laughs, Alexa laughs

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My friend told me about the time his wife caught him sticking a feather up his ass.

He says he got off lightly.

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Sometimes I lightly run my finger in a circular motion around my lower face..

It’s called *a lip tickle*

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Did you hear about the Tempura House that's opening?

It's a shelter for lightly battered women.

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Doctor: "I have some pressing news..."

Me: "*Lay it on me Doc*"

Dr: "*I'll put this as lightly as I can, You have a mild blunt-force-trauma allergy*"

Me: "*Well, that hit me like a ton of bricks!*"

Dr: "*Don't let this hold you down...*"

Me: "*I's it congenital - because if it is, my kids'll be crushed*"


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Start taking dental hygiene seriously at a young age

It’s nothing to brush off lightly

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This little boy liked jojo's bizarre adventure

His big sister loved him but didn't have the courage to tell him

One day she decide she couldn't hold anymore so she went to him and say "hey brother, i know this might sound weird but... I love you, do you love me?"
The little brother responded " what do you mean? Of course i like you, you're my sister"

But it wasn't in that


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I like my girls how I love my Subway.

6 or 12, and lightly toasted in the oven.

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Why did Albert Einsten stick his tongue out in one of his iconic photos?



At the peak of his career he took matters lightly.

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I recently volunteered at the Tempura shelter

It’s the home for lightly battered women.

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How do people with no eyelids sleep?

Lightly

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The circus was in town,and the ringmaster was in the big top prior to the first show opening.

A meek looking man walked up the the ringmaster and told him he had a great act, and they should hire him. The ringmaster said " OK show me." The guy closed his eyes spread out his arms and started to fly around the tent. He did loops, barrel rolls, and steep dives pulling up just inches from crashing into the ground.

After a few minutes of this the man lightly touched down


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I like my eggs like I like my women...

lightly beaten

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My son asked me if I wanted him to lightly water my lawn.

I said, “just dew it.”

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Grandma is lying on her deathbed surrounded by family...

Shivering, she lifts up her hand to call for help, quietly. "Get some water"
The youngest grandchild comes back with a glass of water and approaches grandma.
She pushes him away lightly saying:" What am I supposed to do with it, water that rose over there!"

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Have you heard of the Tempura House?

It’s a place for lightly battered women

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A baker was smacked lightly with a baguette by his coworker.

He felt a small pain.

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Rudolph the Russian visits New York


His host and wife take him out to dinner. On the way it begins to lightly rain, the wife says “Oh look it’s snowing!” Rudolph replied, no it’s rain. The wife again says, “It’s snow!” The husband getting embarrassed settled the argument saying, “Rudolph the red knows rain dear.”


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I opened a Shelter Called "Tempura House"

it's for lightly battered women.

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Your mom

A man and his two friends are drinking at a bar and after a round or 2 in an already drunk older gentleman walks straight up to the trio looks the first man dead in the eye and says "I fucked your mum"

The other two men brace for a very one sided fist fight but are surprised to see the other man wave it off. So the drunk man staggers off to the bar and the 3 continued as the


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For sale: lightly used parachute

[deleted]

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I like my coffee like I like my women...

lightly roasted for that full bodied flavor.

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I'm volunteering at the tempura house tonight.

It's a shelter for lightly battered women.

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My wife texted me at lunch

"Window's frozen"

"Pour warm water on it, then lightly tap the edges with a hammer and chisel" I replied.

Ten minutes later, she called back.

"We need a new computer now".

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Bathing baby

I was quietly bathing my 3 month old son when my wife interrupted "what the hell are you doing?". With a finger up each nostril holding his face out the water and swirling him round, " I'm bathing our son!"

"Not like that you don't, gently support the back of his head in the water and lightly splash water over his front"

To which


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They opened a Tempura Shelter in my town

It's for lightly battered women

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Everyone had heard of the Ronald McDonald house for abused children.....

Now they're opening the tempura house for lightly battered women.

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The old woman who needed to pee

The old woman had to pee and stormed into the men's room, pulled down her cotton trunk panties and put her ass up towards the urinal. When she was finished urinating she had to fart, so she let a great monster rip. Then she looked around and discovered to her embarrassment that there was a man standing there. Lightly she said,
"You men have it easy. You’ll just have to shake


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Have you heard of the Tempura House?

It's a shelter for lightly battered women.

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Have you ever heard of Tempura House?

It's a shelter for lightly battered women.

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Have you heard about the Tempura Shelter they are opening downtown?

It's a center for lightly battered women.

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Did you hear about the Tempura Shelter they are building downtown?

It's a center for lightly battered women.

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Did you hear about that new Tempura House they're building downtown?

It's a shelter for lightly battered women.

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The Charlie Horse

The Charlie Horse:

1 part horse piss
1 part Bacardi 151
1/8 oz of cocaine

Mix lightly and snort through straw,
The Charlie Horse

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