Lifeboat

Jokes

If you're ever on a sinking ship with limited lifeboat space always grab women amp children first.

They're easier to pitch out of the way.

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A christian hears that there is a flood coming to his town. (long)

A fireman knocks on his door and says, "You need to come with me, there's a flood coming."

The christian says, "No, no, I'm a faithful christian, God will save me."

The fireman leaves and the flood waters come in. Eventually the flood waters get so high that he has to move to the first floor of his house.

A lifeboat goes by his h


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RIP the inventor of irony.

He died on a lifeboat.

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A Canadian, an American, and a Chinese man are on a lifeboat.

The boat is sinking rapidly, and the three decide that they need to get rid of things that they have to much of.

The American throws some plastic overboard and says, "we have too much of this in our country."

The Chinese man throws some rice overboard and says, "we have too much of this in our country."

The Canadian throws the Chinese man


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The Flood

It rains heavily for several days and flood waters start to rise. People are being evacuated as the water covers the ground completely.

The village priest is forced onto the roof of his house to escape drowning. He is sitting calmly and patiently in his soaking wet clothes when a lifeboat comes along.
“GET IN” the lifeboat crew shouts against the wind.
“N


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A Man Falls Off A Cruise Ship

A man falls off a cruise ship. Despite his dire situation, he is calm and believes that God will save him. The crew of the ship who saw him fall run to the side of the boat and throw him a life preserver. He ignores the aid and yells back “it’s ok, God will save me.” Just then a large piece of driftwood floats by, but the man makes no effort to grab hold of it once again stating


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The Pirate, the Parrot and the Genie

A pirate ship went down in a storm, and only one pirate managed to make it to a lifeboat. His parrot survived too, flew over and perched on his shoulder. The pirate was glad that he didn't drown, but knew that he wouldn't survive long without food and water. But most of all, he wouldn't survive without his precious rum to drink. He started rummaging through the debris at the bottom


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There once was a man named Myas...

One day Myas and his two friends planned a trip to sail across the vast ocean. They rented a ship and when the date came, they set sail. Everything was going accordingly until the third night when a storm happened upon them. Waves buffeted the hull. Gusts of wind enveloped the sails. As the ship rocked violently, Myas was doing all in his power to keep the ship upright. Unfortunately, his efforts


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What did the captain of the Titanic say to the guy lowering a half empty lifeboat?

Too soon.

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What did the man say when he dropped his lifeboat paddle into the ocean?

[deleted]

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After a shipwreck, two men have been drifting in a lifeboat for weeks

Man 1: I keep forgetting -- which one is port?

Man 2: Red

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A blonde, brunette and a redhead...

...have a breaststroke race across the English Channel. The brunette comes in first, the redhead comes in second, and the blonde never finishes.
In the lifeboat, the blonde says, "I don't want to be a tattletale, but the other two used their arms."

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3 men are in a lifeboat...

One is Asian. One is white. One is black.

The Asian says, "I have calculated that with our current situation we will only last a day. To give the others time to be rescued we have to lose one of us."

The white guy says, "Who will step up and sacrifice himself for the others?"

The black guy says, "Not me bitch."

The


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A lady is stranded on her house during a flood...

While the water is to her roof, a man with a lifeboat calls out to her "I've got room for another!". The lady says "I can't, I only accept help from God" and he rows away. While the water is by her ankles, a lady with a raft calls out and says, "Hurry, the water's rising and I've got room for another!" The lady says, "I can't, I only acce


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