Lease

Jokes

The Secretary of Defense directed members of different services to "secure that building"...

Navy personnel turned off the lights and locked the doors. The Army occupied the building and ensured no on could enter. The Marines attacked it, captured it, and set up defenses to hold it. The Air Force secured a two-year lease with an option to buy.



(Discovered in a sec+ guidebook)

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Do not ever rent an apartment to an ant.

As soon as they sign the lease they then become tenants.

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What did the bottom gay man, with a self-shaming kink, say to the homophobe berating him that left him confused?

"puh-lease don't stop, daddy!!"

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Someone stole my stickypads,

The lease they could’ve done was leave a note.

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The reason Jeffrey Dahmer really got caught (the cannibal guy 25 years ago who abducted all those kids, dismembered and ate them and Milwaukee Police wont say this) is because his freezer stopped working and the neighbors were complaining about the smell. The cops came to his door...

Excuse me sir, in violation of your lease it appears you are keeping a bunch of spoiled brats up here.

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It's a little know fact that the Kraken cannot be owned, only rented.

Re-lease the Kraken.

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I just purchased the rights for ownership of Christmas. I think Ill rent it out though.

For Lease, Navidad.

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What's a real estate agents favorite song?

For lease navidad

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The reason the Air Force, Army, Navy and Marines bicker amongst themselves is that they dont speak the same language.

For instance, Take the simple phrase “secure the building”.

The Army will post guards around the place.

The Navy will turn out the lights and lock the doors.

The Marines will kill everybody inside and set up a headquarters.

The Air Force will take out a 5 year lease with an option to buy.


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So the Name change Lease is expired and now I need a new name

Fuck the Paul Lease

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My friend Steve was looking to rent a house.

Steve's wealthy, so he had two realtors competing to lease him their latest properties. The first realtor opened his pitch bragging about the laundry list of folks who had rented property from him.
"I've rented out properties to Buddha himself, to four Norse gods, even Christ and a few of his disciples! This other guy's only ever had two clients!"

Steve


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A man heavily in debt was contemplating suicide at a bridge.

Just as he was about to jump, an old woman appeared from out of nowhere and shouted, ''John! Wait! Don't jump!''

''What? Who are you? '' John asked.

The old woman said, ''I'm your fairy godmother, John. Watch this.'' POOF! ''Now, your debts are all paid, John.''


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The difference between the services

The reason the Air Force, Army, Navy and Marines bicker amongst themselves is that they don’t speak the same language.

For instance, Take the simple phrase “secure the building”:
The Army will post guards around the place.
The Navy will turn out the lights and lock the doors.
The Marines will kill everybody inside and set up a headquarters.
T


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Sometimes the same word means different things to different people.

Suppose, for example, the order goes out from HQ to "secure the building."

After a short while, the Marines report back, "We have destroyed the building."

Army reports, "We have killed everyone in the building and are holding the position."

Navy: "We locked the door when we left for the day."

Air Force: &qu


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What do call it when you loan a cop Kung-Fu Panda

Po-lease

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Why is Summer getting kicked out of her apartment?


Summer hath too short a lease.

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What do you call a law enforcement agency that refuses to buy it's own vehicles?

The pro-lease department

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What do you call a law enforcement agency that refuses to buy it's own vehicles?

The Pro-lease department

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Los Angeles announced plans to lease 288 all-electric police cars. Do you know where they'll use them?

In Watts.

I'll see myself out now.

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My fathers a middleclass mathematician. so I asked hime to cosign my lease.

He signed a^2 = b^2 + c^2 - 2bc cos A

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Why couldn't the dwarves renew their lease on the Lonely Mountain?

It failed the Smaug test.

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