Leap

Jokes

Ive only met a few people with birthdays on leap year day.

They were all mature for their age.

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Me: I've been a vegan for 7,909 days.

Vegan: I don't believe you.


Me: I have. I'm 65 and I sleep 8 hours every night.


Vegan: What relevance does that have?


Me: Well...


8 hours is a third of a day...therefore...

365/3= 121.6

121.6 x 64 = 7,786.6

​

And of course, one year o


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The Leap

Three man were stuck on the roof of a burning building, when a wizard came to them. He said that if they jumped and said something while falling, that's what they would land on.

The first man jumped, and yelled "Pillows!", and landed on a pile of pillows.
The second man jumped, screaming "Nets!", and was caught by nets.
Right before the third man


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I told my daughter to be sensible before her eighteenth birthday party.

She said, "You are only eighteen once!"


I said, "No...you're eighteen 365 times, unless it's a leap year."

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My friend fucked someone who was born on a leap year, shes 4

And is 1 leap year in age.

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What did the shepard say after jumping out the plane?

Can you feel it?
Now its coming back we can steal it
If we bridge this gap
I can see you
Through the curtains of the waterfall

When I lost it
Yeah you held my hand
But I tossed it
Didn't understand
You were waiting
As I dove into the waterfall

So say Geronimo!
Say Geronimo!
Say Ge


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School project: how far can a frog leap

For a science project a student wanted to see how far a frog can leap when you yell at it.

He puts a frog in front of him and yells. The frog leaps 2 meters. He writes this down in his booklet: Frog leaps 2 meters.

He cuts off one of the legs of the frog, puts him in front of him and yells. The frog leaps 1 meter. "Very interesting." He says when writing it down


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Barbara Walters is interviewing Neil Armstrong in 2010 about him being the first man on the moon.

Barbara Walters (BW) says to Neil Armstrong (NA) "It's a great honor to interview you Mr. Armstrong. (NA) replies, "Happy to be here". Then (BW) asks him "As a young journalist hearing you speak those famous words for the first time". "One small step for man, one giant leap for Mankind", "I had to ask myself, did you make up that quote on the spot?, did


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A reporter was interviewing members of the Army, Navy and Air Force in Afghanistan...

He asked them what they would do if they woke up and found a camel spider in their tent.

The soldier said "I would leap on it and kill it with my bayonet."

The sailor said "I would crush it to death with one of my sea-boots."

The pilot said "I would call reception and ask them why there was a tent in my room."


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One small step for Man...

Neil Armstrong was asked... when you stepped on the moon... in that enormous moment... how did you come up with the saying...
“ One small step for man, and one giant leap for mankind”... incredible quote!!!

He said I never said that...

I actually said “One small step for man and one giant leap for Manny Klein !”

What ?? said the


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Neal Armstrong ...

Neal Armstrong was asked... when you stepped on the moon... in that enormous moment... how did you come up with the saying...
“ One small step for man, and one giant leap for mankind”... incredible quote!!!

He said I never said that...

I actually said “One small step for man and one giant leap for Manny Klein !”

What ?? said the


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So did any of you hear about the guy who got ran over yesterday?

They say he leap-frog'd right into trafic and has undeniably croaked. I guess you can say he kermit suicide.

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Did You Hear About the Duquesne Running Back?

His 40 yard dash was only 4:30 but his vertical leap was 16 stories.

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Dumb Russian joke I just remembered

So a guy is heckling during a circus performance:


Screams at acrobats:
*Look at these guys in yoga pants. Hey, you guys are fags!*.

Screams at clowns:
*You guys are wearing make up. Fags with make up on!*

Screams at jugglers:
*Hey you guys are fags with colored balls.*

Then there is an announcement through a lou


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During what year do most suicides occur?

Leap Year

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Hey girl were you born on a leap year?

Because you're looking damn sexy for a 5 year old.

Note: please don't put me on a list.

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One in four frogs...

Is a leap frog.

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My wife wants a baby, she asked how motile my sperm is.

I replied "I'm not sure, but I've seen it leap over a laptop"

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Barbara Walters is interviewing Neil Armstrong in 2010 about him being the first man on the moon.

Barbara Walters (BW) says to Neil Armstrong (NA) "It's a great honor to interview you Mr. Armstrong. (NA) replies, "Happy to be here". Then (BW) asks him "As a young journalist hearing you speak those famous words for the first time". "One small step for man, one giant leap for Mankind", "I had to ask myself, did you make up that quote on the spot?, did


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Only one in four frogs

is a leap frog...

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One small step for man,

one giant leap for midgets.

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A particular species of frog, found in South American rainforests, has been observed to leap higher than a 1 story house.

This is due to the extremely powerful hind legs of the frog, and the fact that houses cannot leap.

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I'm looking for a girl who loves Leap Day

Cuz that means she appreciates things which only come once every four years

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A physicist goes to the top of the empire state building and sees a man about to leap to his death

He runs up to him and says, "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"

Relieved, the man climbs off the edge and follows the physicist down to the street. The physicist then looks at him again and says: "ah... Never mind".

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Its so sad leap year babies die so young

[deleted]

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Three guys wandering beside a cliff find a golden lamp...

...one of the guys pick it and cleans it and because he rubbed it with his shirt, a genie pops out. He says to the 3 guys: “because you have woken me to see the world once more, I will grant each of you 1 wish. However you must jump and leap into your wish near the grass here!”

Filled with excitement, the first guy runs and says I want a trillion dollars then leaps. To his


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What is Tigger's favorite day?

Leap Day, but Spring Forward is a close second.

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Leap Day should be an international holiday where all business is expressly forbidden. Everyone gets a "free day" to spend extra time with loved ones, chase dreams, or try something new.

No explanation needed, this proposal is a big joke in itself

worse than Donald Trump

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Where is the best place to eat on a leap day?

IHOP

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A Physics student is standing on the roof of a building preparing to leap to his death....

His professor calls out to him, "Stop! You have so much potential!"

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What's a Hispanic's favourite game?

Leap frog. Sorry, eh

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With next year having a leap day...

which day will my Office 365 not work?

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What river was Jesus baptized in?

True story:

I was the 7th grade Sunday School teacher and that was a question on a Bible quiz. The class guessed the Nile, the Amazon, and finally the Seine. "Here's a hint," I said, "There used to be a basketball player for the Chicago Bulls who was famous for his ability to leap to the basket." One of the kids guessed "The Michael Jordan river?"


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There were these two guy in an insane asylum.

See, there were these two guys in a lunatic asylum...

... and one night, they decided they don't like living in an asylum anymore.

They decide they're going to escape!

So, like, they get up onto the roof, and there, just across this narrow gap, they see the rooftops of town, stretching away in the moonlight...

stretching away to freedom


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How many months have 28 days in a leap year?

12 months not just february!

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The diving platform

An American, a Frenchman and a German are trapped on top of a diving platform above an empty swimming pool.

An angel appears telling them each of them is allowed to shout one thing mid-air and promises them that's what the pool will be filled with when they land.

The American immediately pushes the others aside, jumps and screams for cash. As promised, he lands in a


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I met a girl that was born on a leap year...


Friend: "Oh yeah? that's awesome! She cute?"

Me: Yeah man, totally my type!

Friend: "Nice! How old?"

Me: 7!

Friend: "Oh that's funny, cause she only celebrates her birthday every four years. Lol nice, so she's 28, only a year younger than us!"

Me: "No dude, people born on leap


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I've had sex with a girl on her 7th birthday!

Don't worry, she was born on a leap year.

At least I'm pretty sure 2008 was a leap year.

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A man was about to jump off a cliff...

...and before he jumped he said, "I'm doing this for Jesus Christ!"

I think he took a leap of faith.

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Magic Trampoline

So two men are wasted on top of a skyscraper enjoying their time at a rooftop party. One man looks to the other and says "Watch this!" The guy leaps off the building and disappears into the darkness below, but then suddenly comes bounding back up and lands on the roof. "WOW!!" says the other man. "Now you try," says the first guy. The other man is uncertain. &quo


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What do you call a French pole vaulter?

A Leap Frog

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Why did the Chinese kangaroo turn red?

Because it was making a Great Leap Forward.

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A Puerto Rican and a white guy were standing on a tenement roof.

The white guy turned to the Puerto Rican and said, "The updrafts on the side of the building are terrific. Watch." The white guy jumped off the side of the building, fell to within a meter of the sidewalk and floated back up, landing on his feet on top of the building.
The Puerto Rican was so impressed he decided to try it. He took a flying leap off the side and a few seconds later


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I'm a hard-core Greenbay Packers fan, and every time they score.

I do the Lambeau leap into my staircase.

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Why do so many Chinese think the Great Leap Forward was bad?

Because millions died of Maonurishment

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Why do Jewish men get circumcised?

Jewish women will leap at anything 15% off.

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Blond who wanted to ride horses.

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons, nor prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted, and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slide from the saddle.

In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arm


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How does a one-legged Chinese man walk?

He takes a great leap forward.

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A blonde decides to try horseback riding...

..even though she has had neither lessons nor prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle.

In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, bu


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Did you see the space jump?

It was a giant leap for man, and a small step for mankind.

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