Laughter

Jokes

In the word Laughter, the letter L comes first

The rest of the letters come aughter it.

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A Russian, an American, and a Canadian

A Russian, an American, and a Canadian were at a bar.

The Russian says,"We were the first in space!"

The American says, "We were the first on the moon!"

The Canadian is silent for a while, and then exclaims confidently, "Then we shall be the first on the sun!"

Both give him a confused look. After a few seconds pass,


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What do you say to an emotional woman who is PMSing?...

Your ovary-actin'




Credit: my girlfriend who is crying in laughter to herself with her first joke

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Why havent we heard the funniest joke ever? Because no one could recite it without dying laughter

Boom. Hahaeuheh.

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The Place I Work

So I work at a fast food/restaurant I am a cashier and my employees,they are annoying. There is the boss he so cheap we dont have heath care money we get 8$ a day!(Is That legal?) Now the Cook He Cooks Fine He is a young adult But he acts like a child. Half the time his best friend is in the kitchen, (No Hairnets!)His laughter is my death rattle he got employ of the month for like 6 years in a row


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Three thieves were caught stealing from the palace...

The king decided to punish them. He ordered each of them to get 10 pcs of fruit. The 1st one entered the room carrying 10 grapes. "Insert it in your ass without laughing or you die!". By the time he was inserting the 6th grape he burst into laughter seeing the 2nd guy enter carrying 10 apples. In after life, the 1st guy asked the 2nd guy why he was here. "I saw that son of a b**** c


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Did ya'll see the extra 5 seconds they added to Star Wars Ep IX trailer?

(Fade out from Palpatine's laughter) "Yousa all in big doo-doo now" (Lightsaber ignites, Imperial March plays, fade to title card)

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Laughter is the best medicine...

Unless you have diarrhea.

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Laughter is meant to be shared, so if you can make just 1 person laugh

you're not very funny

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Three samurais compete with each other

Three samurais are sitting around a camp fire when suddenly, one boasts. "I am the world's best swordsman!" - he stands up, whips out his sword and cut a fly in half.

The second samurai says,"No, I'm the best." and he sees a fly -his sword flashes twice- then the fly falls into 4 pieces.

The third samurai, wanting to prove them both wrong say


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Once a drunk man was returning home from a bar, walking along the river.

Suddenly he had an urgent urge to pee so started pissing in the river. An officer who was passing by approached him an said, "Sir, I'm gonna have to tell you to turn off the sprinkler and put it in the garage". In response the man zips up and starts leaving.

Suddenly the drunk man burst into laughter. So, the officers asks, "What's so funny". To which th


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While bed-ridden with severe illness, my Grandpa asked for one more joke

He died of laughter

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In Slaughter the S comes first.

Then laughter comes.

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In laughter the L comes first.

The rest of the letters come aughter it.

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Fathers day Its great to wake up to the laughter of infants...

...Except if it’s the dead of night and you don’t have children

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Bill went to see his doctor...

Bill went to see his doctor and nervously asked if he had ever laughed at a patient. The doctor reassured him, "In over 20 years I haven't laughed at a single patient because I always remain thoroughly professional." With that Bill dropped his trousers revealing the tiniest penis the doctor had ever seen. It wasn't any bigger than a AAA battery. The doctor just couldn'


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In Laughter, the L comes first

The rest of the letters come aughter it.

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If laughter truly is the best medicine...

Then why do all of those hookers still have Chlamydia after laughing at my tiny cock?

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Heard someone praise laughter as good medicine

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From my six year old son with CP

Why don't bear's wear shoes?



Because they have bear feet! (It's then followed up with uncontrollable laughter)

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How many buzzfeed writers does it take to kill you?

13 but #9 will make you die of laughter!

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A prostitute, a murderer and a surfe rare invited to a wedding.

All three are siblings. They don't know about each other's secret lifestyles, of sex, killing and riding waves.

The prostitute buys herself a red floral dress for the wedding, the murderer wears all black and the surfer blue.

After the ceremony the priest comes to the reception. He feels pretty hungry from reading all those vows so he steps into line just bef


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Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was something wrong with one of the two lizards he holds prisoner in his room.

“He’s just lying there looking sick,” he told me. “I’m serious, Dad . Can you help?”

I put my best lizard-healer expression on my face and followed him into his bedroom. One of the little lizards was indeed lying on his back, looking stressed. I immediately knew what to do.

“Honey,” I called, “come look at the lizard!&


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A farting bomb

So 2 guys wanted to go on a plane, once the got on the took off and flew up into the air and one said “DUDE YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT WE SHOULD DO” the other guy said “what” then he said again “DUDE YOU WANT TO WHAT WE SHOULD DO!” “What!” This happens 10 more times before the guy that said what he said “I meant what should we do?” He was like


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Hi random person in this sub! I bet your life is full of smile and laughter.

I mean... joke is suppose to be funny, isn't it?

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Ha! So I just got this and now I'm dying of laughter.

Kuru. I got kuru.

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A man has a hard time getting an orgasm during sex

After about a month of not fealing pleasured, he decides to go to the doctor

Man: "I haven't felt pleasure during sex for over a month now, you've got to help me!"

Doctor: "Oh i see... i think i've got just the thing for you."

The doctor searches through his stuff until he finally finds what he's looking for.


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A man enters a restaurant, sits at a table. From the next room he hears people yelling out numbers, and lots of laughter ensues each time.

“34!” Lots of laughter.
“122!” More laughter.
“78!” Knee slapping.

The man asks the waiter: “Say, what are they doing in the room over there?” “Oh,” says the waiter, “those are our regulars. They’re always telling the same old jokes, so they’ve numbered them already.” The man nods. &ldqu


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Rate My Plate: Rib Cracking Laughter

One of the funniest things I've come across in quite a while:

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[https://www.cyberstudeo.com/article.php?post=BLP20190418195813110](https://www.cyberstudeo.com/article.php?post=BLP20190418195813110)

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Why COULDN'T the chicken cross the road?

Because Donald Trump built a wall! \*insert laughter here\*

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What eats pickles?

A picked onion!


*put comedy laughter here*

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A babys laughter can be the most beautiful sound you will ever hear.

Unless it’s 3am. And you’re home alone. And you don’t have a baby.

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An antivaxx mom dies and goes to heaven. She notices that it was God himself walking to greet her, along with her two kids. Theyre all smiling. Feeling real smug about herself,

She runs toward them but Is suddenly stopped by an invisible force.

As God and her two kids got nearer though, they stopped smiling and had a puzzled look on their faces. Suddenly, they burst out in joyful laughter, just as St. Peter materialises beside them all.

“Oh Pete, you really do know how to make us laugh!” Exclaimed God. “That’s enough n


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This was from my friend ok

Friend: I broke two of my dads queen records
Me : Ok
Frowns now singing:I want to break three
Cue laughter from me

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I was walking down the street when a group of kids threw a block of cheese off me, they burst into laughter and I yelled

“That’s not mature is it”

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I was walking down the street when a group of kids threw some cheese off me, they burst into laughter and then I yelled

“That’s not mature is it”

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Robert Johnson, a CEO for a large corporation, is arrested and sentenced to 25 years in prison for white collar crimes.

On his first day behind bars, Robert nervously walks into the Chow Hall at lunch time and starts taking in the scenery. Realizing that he’s going to spend the next 25 years surrounded by murderers, rapists, and other violent criminals, he uncomfortably gets his tray of food and starts looking for a place to sit.

An older man, who looked to be in his 60’s, motioned the CEO


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My wife looked me in the eyes and said "honey, they're not wrinkles, or old age, they're laughter lines."

Nicest thing anyone's ever said about my scrotum.

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The teacher asks the kids to name things ending in 'tor' that eat things

The first child says 'Alligator'


'Very good' says the teacher, 'that's a big word.'


The second child says 'Predator'


'Well done' says the teacher



Little Johnny says 'Vibrator, Miss'




fter recovering from a fit of la


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3 persons are kidnapped on an island

they are tasked to take 100 pieces of fruit of their choice on the island

the first takes 100 oranges, the second takes 100 grapes, the third continues the search

the kidnappers tells them " shove them all up your ass. and if any of you talk, you will be executed "

they begin the process :

the first guy with oranges couldnt take more t


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Hit me with your funniest questions?

I mean questions that are funny by themselves and don't need a response (except laughter hopefully)

For Ex: if two vegetarians fight, is it still called a beef?

Or isn't an underwear technically an asshat?

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A baby's laughter is one of the most beautiful sounds you will ever hear.

Unless it's 3 AM. And you're home alone. And you don't have a baby.

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A man spending his first night in prison hears other inmates calling out numbers, followed by laughter.

The next day he starts talking to one of the inmates and asks about it.

The inmate explains that after a few years there was no new jokes so they decided to just number all the good ones, that way they could save time in telling the joke.

That night the inmates are calling out numbers again followed by great bouts of laughter. Wanting to fit in the man calls out '22


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A college teacher reminds her class on the next day's final exam.

"Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"

A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complet


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What does Optmius Prime's giggling sound like?

Like a vehicular man's laughter.

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Laughter is the best medicine...

Unless you’re diabetic, then insulin is probably better

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Told a bunch of lions a joke

They started roaring with laughter.

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The Nazis killed people who made jokes about Hitler

Talk about dying of laughter.

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Worlds strongest man

The local pub was so sure that it’s bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet.
The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran out into a glass, then hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze out one more drop of juice would win the money.
Many people had tried over time, but nobody could get out another drop.
On


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Thomas Massey-Massey, an honored member of the British Parliament, introduced a bill to change the name of Christmas to Christtide.

The name should be changed, the MP argued, on the ground that mass is a Catholic terms that Britons, being largely Protestant, should not use. But another member, it is related, rose to object to the argument. Christmas, he declared, might not want its name changed. "How would you like it," he asked Thomas Massey-Massey, "if we changed your name to Tho*tide* *Tidey-Tidey*?" Ami


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