Laughing

Jokes

What did the egghead say to the pothead?

"Why are you laughing? Is it the yolk?"

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A husband and a wife are trying to setup a new password

for their computer. The husband puts, "Mypenis," and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."

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One day 3 people were stuck on an island with cannibals.

The cannibals said, "If you do what we say, we wont kill you." So the cannibals said, "Go into the forest and pick 10 fruits of the first fruit you see. "

So the first person came back out of the forest with 10 apples. The cannibals said, "Put the apples up your ass without making a facial expression." The person then made a facial expression after the se


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I AM SOFA KING WE TODD DID

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For a change, blonde MAN

A woman phoned her blonde neighbor man and said: "Close your curtains the next time you and your wife are intimate. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday."

To which the blonde man replied: "Well the joke's on "ALL OF YOU" because I wasn't even at home yesterday !


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A joke walking down the road crying.

They asked her: "why are you

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When Amy Schumer was growing up, everybody laughed when she said she wanted to be a comedian...

Nobody is laughing now

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Why does 6 hate 7?

Because 7 hates 9.

Why does 9 hate 10?

Because 10 is a Jew.



I apologize in advance for this. I'm Jewish and I fell out my chair dying laughing when my buddy told me this one.

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I boiled a funny bone once...

It turned into a laughing stock.

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I boiled a funny bone one...

It turned into a laughing stock.

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They all laughed at me when I said Ill be the funniest comedian in history

But now, no ones laughing.

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Rjokes

It's no laughing matter.

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An American, a German, and an Arab...

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(TRUE STORY) So friend 1 and friend 2 were talking about friend 1s Canadian cousins on the bus. Were Scottish btw

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Three men get lost in the jungle

They are captured by a native tribe. The chief of that tribe demands that they are rounded up and put in front of him.

"If you find 10 of the same fruit and put them all up your ass without a noise, I will let you go. If not? My whole tribe and I will ass fuck you and then kill you"

So the men set out to find their fruits. The first man returns with 10 grapes.


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I boiled a funny bone.

It turned into a laughing stock.

This joke is humerus.

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A priest dies and stands in front of God.

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If Platelets could play music, what instrument would they use?

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Mental illness joke. (I have this illness so I'm laughing at myself) I used to have a beautiful girlfriend who loved and cherished me before I got diagnosed with Schizophrenia

Then they put me on some pills and she disappeared

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My young daughter asked me this morning, Daddy! What were you and mummy doing in the bedroom last night? I could here a buzzing noise and then mummy started to scream.

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A man ask his wife if their 7 year old daughter could get pregnant, his wife burst out laughing and says: no ofcourse not silly!

Thank god, said the man relieved.

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You know how kids sometimes cry for the most ridiculous reasons ever?


Well, I was on a bus on my way home when this boy sitting there suddenly decided that he wants to walk, but his dad kept telling him that he can't. So when the boy started crying, I was laughing so hard, because why would you want to walk in the bus? Just stay in your wheelchair.

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You know how kids sometimes cry for the most ridiculous reasons ever?

Well, I was on a bus on my way home when this boy sitting there suddenly decided that he wants to walk, but his dad kept telling him that he can't. So when the boy started crying because of that, I was laughing so hard, because why would you want to walk in the bus? Just stay in your wheelchair.


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3 Men went down in a plane crash and were stranded on an Island.

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Two guys meet in heaven after their death. One asks the other:

\- "So, how did you die?"

\- "I died from cold. I got frozen" answers the other and asks "How about you? What happened to you?"

\- "I died from laughing too much" - answers the other.

The second guy gets confused and asks: "What do you mean? How could you die from laughing?"

\- "Well, I was


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3 men are captured by a tribe

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An old man in Louisiana had owned a farm for several years...

He had a large pond in the back, perfectly suited for swimming. He fixed up the pond nicely, with picnic tables, horseshoe courts and some apple and peach trees.

One evening, the ole farmer decided to go down to the pond to look it over, as he hadn't been there for a while. Before he went, he grabbed a five-gallon bucket to gather some fruit.

As he neared the pond,


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One slow day at work, my boss sends me a text saying he was bored

Me: I am working on the paperwork right now, Dave.

Boss immediately follows up with two laughing emois: Nice one Sydney LMAOOOO

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If you boil the funny bone, it'll become a laughing stock

..... Now that's what i call humerus

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- Negotiator: This is the negotiator. What do you want?

- Perpetrator: An helicopter full of gas and 5 million dollars.
- Negotiator: You're gonna eat my balls.

(I don't understand why am laughing my ass off with this)

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What happens when you boil your funny bone?

You become a laughing stock.

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Everyone laughed at me when I said I wanted to do stand up comedy

Well, no one's laughing now

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Roses are red

Roses are red. Your blood is too. You look like a monkey And belong in a zoo. Do not worry, Ill be there too. Not in the cage, But laughing at you.

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What do you call a farm hand who can't stop laughing?

A jolly rancher.

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What happens when you boil a funny bone?

It becomes a laughing stock.

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I told my friend a joke about kidney failure

He pissed himself laughing

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I have a pet talking weasel.

This morning I was awoken to sound of screaming and laughing from my front yard. I look out my window to see my weasel being chased by a laughing monkey around my mulberry bush. The weasel is telling him to stop he doesn't like this. The monkey just keeps laughing and say it's fun. Suddenly my weasel stops, turns around as fast it can and screams pop as loud as it's lungs allow it.


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3 Chinese Immigrants

Lee Bu, Chan Chu and Fred Fu immigrated to the USA. They decided in order to become Americans, they need to Americanize their last names.

Lee Bu changed his last name to Bucks.

Chan Chu changed his last name to Chucks.

Fred Fu left the USA to Canada after becoming the laughing stock of the neighberhood.


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The lion decided to invite everyone to his birthday party. But, him being the king, he ordered everybody to bring him meat as a present, or else he will hit them with his massive dong. And soon, the day came and all the animals lined up infront of the lion's cave with their presents.

The Wolf wanted to gift the King lamb, the fox had a chicken, the leopard an antilope, and so on...The lion greeted all of his guests and welcomed them to the party. Suddenly, the rabbit stood infront of him with a carrot. All guests went silent. The lion looked him in the eyes and said: " You know what this means, right?" The rabbit trembled and said:"I am so-o-o-rrrrry, sire, I-I


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My life...

...is a joke because I’m always laughing at all the fun memories. Have an amazing day!

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What do you get when you boil a funny bone?

Laughing stock.

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What do you get when you boil a bunch of funny bones?

Laughing Stock.

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If you boil a funny bone it becomes a laughing stock.

That's humerus.

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If you boil a funny bone...

It becomes a laughing stock.

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If you boil a funny bone it becomes a laughing stock.

That's pretty humerus.

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Imagine trying to explain what your laughing at...

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If you boil your funny bone, it becomes a laughing stock. Isn't that humerus?

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A Ship crashes into an island...

The 3 passengers get out and are told by the tribal chief to grab 10 of any type of fruit.
The first guy comes back with 10 apples, and the chief tells him to shove them up his ass showing no emotion if he wants to live. He gets to the 7th one, winces, and is shot. The second guy comes back with 10 blueberries. After being told the same thing, he begins his task. He’s on the last one w


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Three thieves were caught stealing from the palace...

The king decided to punish them. He ordered each of them to get 10 pcs of fruit. The 1st one entered the room carrying 10 grapes. "Insert it in your ass without laughing or you die!". By the time he was inserting the 6th grape he burst into laughter seeing the 2nd guy enter carrying 10 apples. In after life, the 1st guy asked the 2nd guy why he was here. "I saw that son of a b**** c


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You guys may think I'm not funny at all

But I told a joke to a hyena last night and she couldn't stop laughing!

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