One guy gave his friend an allotment of 10 puns, hoping that one pun would make him laugh
Sadly, no pun in ten did
And piss and cum
Haha now laugh or I will report you for tax evasion you scum.
Which way do you blend a baby?
Feet first so you can laugh at the racial expression.
A Uranus joke
*Okay my mom used to tell me this when i was little and it made me laugh. Here's how it goes.*
Why do we measure the length between Neptune and Uranus?
Because we want to see how far the brown line goes!
I've started investing in stocks.
Mainly beef, chicken and vegetable.
You may laugh, but one day I'll be a bouillonaire!
Please laugh, said the Jeb Bush
Why can't you win an argument with a comedian?
They always get the last laugh.
How do you make an octopus laugh?
Give it ten-tickles!
WARNING: NOT FUNNY AT ALL WILL NOT MAKE YOU LAUGH
Me: Wanna hear a joke about ghosts?
Me: Thats the spirit
The trouble with comedy
I thought seriously about doing stand up comedy, and thought no way, what if they laugh at me?
I asked a friend to try and make me laugh with no more than 10 puns
But no pun in-ten-ded
"Goodvibes" - warning not for faint of heart
My friends laughed at me and said my girlfriend was imaginary
I didn't laugh because it was reposted so many times.
It wasnt fun when I broke my neck in an accident a few months ago.
But now I can look back and laugh.
Why did a guy got so many Reddit awards after saying "30 fps is fine"?
He made the rich laugh
A comedian a tells a joke to a group of bodybuilders, but they never laugh.
They don't call them a tough crowd for no reason.
How do you make people laugh about your bad jokes?
Give them a job.
How does a black man laugh?
This will make you laugh https://pin.it/6jmbrcaieg7fv2
Why do midgets laugh when they run?
Because the grass tickles their balls.
What's the difference between a woman and a computer?
A computer doesn't laugh at a 3.5" floppy.
Laugh at the post
Why doesn't a joke you already know make you laugh?
Because you've already reddit
An airplane crashes on an uncharted island.
What happened to the divorced bear?
What's it take to make a squid laugh?
Why do dwarfs laugh when they play football?
Because the grass tickles their balls
If you laugh at your girl because she is a month late.
She will laugh at you when she is two months late.
More of a pic up line than a joke but still makes me laugh
You're a stripe and a half and I'm a stripe and a half and together we are
What time does whitey wake up?
At the cracker dawn.
(I'm white, it's ok to laugh)
My wife and I often laugh about how competitive we are
But I laugh more.
A man gets pulled over by a policeman.
Policeman: You were going 68 in a 50 zone, I will have to write you a ticket.
Man: Alright, just make the number a little cooler so we can laugh when the judge reads it.
[later in court]
Judge: How the flying Frick did you go 420 in a 50?!
It doesn't matter how badly you pronounce Bentagit Kamdbrbsktkch
We will always know who you are talking about
(a variation of this might have been posted before at some point, but my girlfriend told me this after seeing The Reichenbach Fall, and I had a good laugh, so I wanted to share)
"Of course I won't laugh," said the nurse.
"Of course I won't laugh," said the nurse. "I'm a professional. In over 20 years I've never laughed at a patient."
"OK then," said Bob who then proceeded to drop his pants, revealing the smallest penis the nurse had ever seen. In length and width it was almost identical to a AAA battery.
Unable to control herself, the nurse tr
What makes zombies laugh?
Why do midgets laugh when they run in grass fields?
Because of the grass tickling their balls!
My friend laughed when I told him I could make an instrument sound better with fish.
A priest is working in the confessional booth
There was an old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing adultery. One Sunday, from the pulpit, he said, "If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!"
Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say they had "fallen."
This seemed to satisfy the o
A man goes in a bar in 2039 and says one word, just one word that makes people laugh for hours on...
Idk why but this nade ne laugh so...
Son: Why are humans also called mankind?
Papa: Because man is kind.
The best joke in the world
OMG this is too lame that either somebody curse me or some cringe too laugh out
A Jew, a Muslim and a Trump supporter walk into a bar
Drink, talk, laugh and have a good time.
That’s what happens when you are not a moron
How mathematicians laugh?
Three women at the Stairway to Heaven
Three women(brunette, redhead, blonde) all die, and find themselves at the foot of the Stairway to Heaven.
They are visited by an angel, who says, “For each step on the Stairway you take, you will hear a joke. If you do not laugh, you may continue; however, if you DO laugh, you must stop and spend the rest of your afterlife at that step.”
All three women nod
Did you laugh?
Well you see, I uh ... I have a few jokes ..... But I should probably ask my mom for a joke, she makes good jokes .. after all, she made me.
What do you call comedians on a rail line?
A laugh track.
Why does a dwarf laugh when he runs?
Because the grass tickles his balls.
The saying Say no to drugs has always made me laugh
I mean, if you’re talking to them it is probably too late to say no to them