Landing

Jokes

Three Drunks

Three drunkards are standing on top of the Empire State Building. The first one says to the other two, "You know, it's a funny thing about these wind currents. A person could jump off of this building right now and not even hit the ground; the wind would carry him right back up to the top of the building!" The second drunk says, "You're crazy!" The first drunk says, &


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Plane does an emergency landing in a jungle

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After landing my new job as a Asda greeter, I lasted less than a day.

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We all know the moon landing was fake

It was filmed by Stanley Kubrick.

How ever it cost a lot of money as Kubrick was a perfectionist.

He demanded they filmed on the location.

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Today is the 50th anniversary of the moon landing...

maybe someday I’ll make the poon landing,

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For the 50th anniversary of the moon landing, they're building a restaurant up there.

The food is good, but there's no atmosphere.

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Apollo 11 moon landing

It has been 50 years since the Apollo 11 moon landing. Many years ago a reporter asked Neil Armstrong When you first stepped on the moon you said "Small step for man. Giant leap for mankind" You also said "Good luck Mr. Grodski." The reporter asked "What did you mean by that?" Neil said since so many years had passed he could explain. Neil said "When he was a ki


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A polish pilot is going in for a landing when he realizes the runway is not long enough. After putting on the emergency breaks he screeches to a halt, missing the airport with the nose of the plane by mere feet.

The enraged pilot told the reporters later on "This is an obvious design flaw in American airports, why the hell would they make the landing strips so short? Or so unbelievably wide!?"

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If there's one thing the moon landing did it made household names out of 3 incredible, brave men

Neil Armstrong, Buzz Aldrin, and...the other guy.

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After landing at his airplane

the captain forgets to turn off the intercom!

The co-pilot asks "What are you doing after this?"

The pilot replies, "first thing I need to do is go for a shit! then I am gonna fuck the arse off that new blond stewardess.

The Stewardess hears this & runs to the cockpit to confront him, on the way she trips over an old womans foot who h


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How to know where a blind parachuter will be landing?

The guide dog marks the spot

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Landing on the Moon

In 1969, in the months leading up to the Moon landing, the Apollo 11 astronauts trained in a remote moon-like desert in the western United States. One day as they were training, the astronauts came across an old Native American.


‘What are you doing here?’ the old man asked.


‘We are here as a part of a research expedition that will very soon


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How did the NASA manage to recruit Jewish scientists for the second moon landing?

They told them someone lost a penny during the first moon landing.

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Do you know why native americans hate airports?

They are full of landing strips.

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What do you call it when people try to make you to build a a platform supported on pillars or girders leading out from the shore into a body of water, used as a landing stage for boats even though you dont want to?

Pier pressure

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Proof that the moon landing is fake

If the moon landing actually happened, then why can it still be seen in the sky in broad daylight

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Awful flight

Just got home after the worst journey of my life. Check-in took forever because the baggage carousels weren't working. Then I got pulled aside at security because I'd forgotten about a pack of jelly beans in my back pocket. That meant I was rushing to the gate and in my haste I lost the book is massively overpaid for.

The take off was delayed four hours but we had to stay o


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I made a website for Kamikaze pilots.

There's no landing page.

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I cant believe people think the moon landing is real...

It's still in the sky. How could it have landed?

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The moon landing was obviously fake.

Like the moon is still up there, it didn’t land anywhere.

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An anniversary story

An elderly couple is nearing their 50th wedding anniversary so the husband decides to do something to try and keep things fresh in the bedroom. After 50 years of marriage it’s not such a bad idea.

He goes down to the store and asks the shop assistant to show him a nice shear negligee. She selects one from the corner of the store with a $250 price tag and brings it over to him. &


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What is it called when Jamie pushed Bran down the tower?

King’s Landing

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Before landing in Thailand the captain kindly reminds the passengers to be careful who they meet and for what, because 50 of population has HIV and the other 50 tuberculosis.

One old man couldn't hear properly, so asked his grandson, what the captain said.

The grandson replied, "To screw only the coughing ones."

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There's no school tomorrow

...in King's Landing

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Did you hear about the Furry Convention in Kings Landing this year?

It drag-on, and on, and on.

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Do you hear about the Furry Convention in Kings Landing this year?

It just drag-on, and on, and on.....

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I know why Dany burned Kings Landing to the ground...

...she was on her period.

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For whom does the bell toll?

GOT spoiler >!not kings landing that's for sure!<

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What is the most famous chain burger restaurant in Westeros?

Burger King's landing

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Before landing in Thailand...

...the captain kindly reminds the passengers to be careful who they meet and for what, because 50% of population has HIV and the other 50% tuberculosis.

One old man couldn't hear properly, so asked his grandson, what the captain said.

The man replied:

- To fuck only the coughing ones.

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Does anybody know what a landing strip is?

I came across one yesterday.

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Dad Joke

An airplane crashed into our house last night.

It was my Dad's fault though,

he left the landing light on!

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Three people are on the observation deck of a skyscraper...

A tourist and a local couple. The tourist starts complaining to the locals about the weather, and how you can't see anything because of the thick layer of cloud hanging around the city.

The husband from the couple responds by saying "sure you can't see anything, but it is so thick that you can use it as a trampoline!"

The tourist, obviously thinking he


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What do the moon landing, JFK, and dinosaurs have in common?

they were all shot from above

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I saw a documentary on boobies

On Animal Planet, they are tame birds who got their name from landing on ships and being trapped and eaten.

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What sound does a 737 make on landing?

Boeing Boeing Boeing.

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If the moon landing was real

Then how come I still see it in the sky?

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Emergency Landing

A plane made an emergency landing on water. The stewardess asked the passengers to slide down to the lifeboats, but the passengers refused.


The stewardess then asked the captain to help. The captain, being very knowledgeable and experienced, guided her - You tell the Americans this is an ADVENTURE.


Tell the British this is an HONOUR.


Tell


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I don't believe that the Moon Landing ever happened.

I mean, come on. The Moon is huge; if it had landed, it would've squished all of the astronauts.

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Crisis averted?

Over the weekend I was sat next to a person eating a bowlful of those really fat pasta tubes in a tomato sauce. As I watched, one got nearer to the edge of the bowl but I couldn't mention it because the person was deep in conversation. I agonised for a few seconds wondering how I could stop a mess landing in the person's lap, but I couldn't think of anything. Yet, it was just t


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Have you heard about this groundbreaking development in avionics?

Landing a Boing 737.

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What do landing on the moon and having sex with me have in common?

No woman has ever done it, and you only need a 10 second countdown before the payload gets launched

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The airplanes bumpy landing wasnt the Captains fault

It was the asphalt

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How can you tell if a plane has Woman pilot?

Landing gear comes out at every sharp turn.

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What do you call a guy who pretends he likes to dress like a woman so that he can have a better shot at landing a job changing the keys on sheet music for bands?

A trans-poser transposer.

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A pirate captain bought a parrot in a petshop...

Every time one of his subordinates got out of hand, he would make them walk the plank. And whenever this happened, everyone would chant "Make him walk the plank! Make him walk the plank!". Eventually the parrot picked this up and would start chanting it all the time. This got so annoying, the captain sold the parrot to a Tour de France Cyclist.

Whenever the Cyclist was in a


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Why did the sailor quit his acting career?

Because he wasn’t landing any good roles.

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The anniversary of Sully's heroic landing reminds us: You know you've succeeded in life if they cast Tom Hanks to play you in a movie...

Either that or your just a really lucky idiot.

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A friend said the moon landing was faked so I stopped talking to him.

What kind of idiot still believes in the moon

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Yo mammas so fat,

China is planning on landing on her dark side!

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