Keeper

Jokes

Helium, Argon, Neon, Krypton, and Helium walk into a LGBT bar

The bar keeper says: "get out of here, we don't want far right elements in here"

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A priest, doctor, and engineer were golfing

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They were stuck behind a really slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, Whats with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!

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Ive I met and love a beautiful with apicologist, time to stop my pirating days for her

She be a keeper.

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Snake-headed raccoon

A man goes to the hardware store, and says he needs an animal with the head of a snake and the body of a raccoon. The store keeper asks him what the heck he needs a snake-headed raccoon for. The man explains that his yard is full of leaves, and needs tidying. The store keeper asks the man how such an abomination of nature could possibly help him clean up his yard. The man replies: "Well an an


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A dwarf walks into a brothel with a honeycomb and a donkey

The brothel keeper asks how she could help him. He replies "I need a woman, because mine has left me."

Brothel Keeper: Why? Also what's with the honeycomb and the donkey?

Dwarf: My wife found a genie in a bottle, and he granted her three wishes. The first she asked for a home fit for a queen, so he gave her this honeycomb. The second, she asked for the nic


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Ive just been fired from my job as a zoo keeper at my local zoo....

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A woman goes for bra shopping

The shop keeper shows her the biggest size available.

The woman says, "It's too big. Can you show something smaller?

The shop keeper shows a smaller bra. The woman is still not happy and asks for a smaller size. The shopkeeper keeps on showing her smaller and smaller size, bit none fits that woman.

The shopkeeper, exhausted exclaims "Seems yo


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Who was the world's first book keeper?

Adam, he turned over a leaf and made an entry.

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My new girlfriend works at the zoo.

I think she’s a keeper.

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A bee keeper walks into a pet store

He asked the person at the counter for 12 bees. After walking out the store, he notices that he's been given 13 bees by accident.

He walks back in and says “there has been an accident, and you’ve given me 13 bees.”

The Shopkeeper says "No mistake sir, that one is a freebie!"


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NSFW Voodoo Dick

A business man is preparing to leave town for an extended business trip, but doesn’t want his wife to feel lonely while he’s gone. So the man has the idea to go to an adult toy shop to get his wife a gift to please herself.

Upon stumbling into the store the man realizes that he has no idea what he’s looking for, so he kind of browses the stores collection. The store


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A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.

The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him."
He said, "Hello George, what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They&#


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Met a girl who was into sports

She said she was in a football team and had to prevent goals at all costs.

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She was a keeper.

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I went to my girlfriend's soccer match for the first time last weekend. She kept grabbing the ball with her hands.

She's a keeper!

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My boyfriend started a bee farm to help save the bees

I think he's a keeper

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My boyfriend just started a bee farm to help save the bees

I think he's a keeper

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A man walks into a electronics shop

Recently his tv broke and he needed to buy a new one, so he asks the shop keeper if there are some very good TVs that he could invest in
The shop keeper replied yes and led him to the back of the shop where the storage was.
As they walk past the tv collections the man realizes that the TVs are increasing in price as they went and the one right next to him was a big smacking $5,000 doll


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I went to a French zoo

There was a baguette in a cage, so I asked the keeper what that was about and apparently it was bread in captivity. (All credit to the wife for that one)

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A Canadian man visits a lighthouse...

The lighthouse keeper is with him at the top, cleaning the bulb, when a loud horn is heard in the distance.

"What's that about?", the Canadian asks.

"Yes."

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A priest, a doctor, and an engineer are playing golf.

They were stuck behind a really slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, “What’s with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!”

The doctor chimed in, “I don’t know, but I’ve never seen such inept golf!”

The priest said, “Here comes the greens-keeper. Let’s have a word with him.” He said, &ldqu


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I still remember the day I realised my girlfriend was a keeper!

She had massive gloves on.

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What did the zoo keeper say when he saw the elephant wearing sunglasses?

nothing, he didn’t recognise him

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When your girlfriend comes home in a white suit, smelling of honey and covered in bee stings

you know she's a keeper.

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I met a really cute bird keeper...

She had all kinds of birds at her house.

She had some beautiful parrots, a couple of cockatiels, and a pair of great tits

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One day, a zookeeper noticed a chimpanzee reading two books...

One day, a zookeeper noticed a chimpanzee reading two books--The Bible and Darwin's Origin of the Species. Astonished, he asked the ape, "Not only can you read, you're reading two books at once!?"

"Well," said the chimp, "I'm trying to figure out if I'm my brother's keeper, or my keeper's brother."


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Just when you find out someone has 10,000 bees, marry them

That’s when you know they’re a keeper

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My GF plays soccer

I think she's a keeper

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If you find out someone has 10,000 bees, marry them

That’s how you know they’re a keeper

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Zoo keeper asked me if I wanted to take a photo with a panda

I said yeah . She asked how many ? I said 2. Where’s your second ? I said you’re my second . We both giggle but I’m still single .

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My friends say my girlfriend is a keeper

But I don't know if I'm going to keep her.

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When someone has 10,000 bees, YOU MUST MARRY THEM!

Because they're a keeper.

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My girlfriend is the star goalie of her soccer team

She's a keeper

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Three men walk up to the gates of heaven,

the gatekeeper asks each man to describe how he died.

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the first man walks up to the gate keeper and says:

'i was concerned my wife was cheeting on me so one day i said i was going to work, walked outside our appartment then walked back in saying i had forgotten somthing. i look in at my wife and see two hands holding on to the bottom of


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When she comes in with welts on her arms, a net helmet and dripping with honey.

That’s when you know she’s a Keeper.

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Whenever my father, a bee keeper, would see a pretty lady walk by he would always say

"Beauty is in the eye of the bee holder."

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What did the light house keeper do when he lost his job?

He became a maid, he was already accustomed to performing light house work.

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Went on a couple dates. Wasn't sure if I was into her or not, until she told me she owned a bee farm.

Right then, I knew she was a keeper.

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At the drug store

Shop keeper: you need some help?

Me: yeah actually, But i came here instead.

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A blonde walks into a store selling brain cells..

There were a wide variety on display
Doctor's brain -$100
Engineer's brain -$125
Normal brain - $75
Blonde's brain- $1000
She was quite amused and asked the shop keeper.. "So how come blonde brain is worth so much?". The shopkeeper replied "because I had to crackup 100 blonde's heads to get this much brain cells"


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I married a loving, lovely woman who works with bees.



She's a keeper.

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A Buddhist monk travels to New York..

He then craves for food , finally ending up in a confectionery .He chooses donut and then takes it to the counter.
The monk ask s the shop keeper the price of the donut.
The owner said $7.85.
The monk handed the keeper $10 note. After taking the dollar the keeper started attending other customers.
The monk infuriated asks the keeper,"Where is the change??"
T


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She caught my eye from across the room

And she didn't even get grossed out when she saw me wink my empty socket. She's a keeper.

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Elephant Mating season (repost)

A guy applies for a job at the zoo. The head keeper of the zoo said, "Your job will be to clean out the elephant cage. But, I have to warn you it's mating season and they will jump on just about anything." "Don't worry," the guy replied, "I've worked with elephants before."

Half way through his first day he goes running in to the head keep


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As soon as you find out someone has 10,000 bees marry them.

Because they are a keeper.

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A failing zoo was desperate to drive attendance.

After much discussion, they finally purchased a gnu from Africa.

In anticipation of its arrival, the zoo built a new exhibit for the hard-to-obtain animal. It was a beautiful indoor/outdoor enclosure and contractors worked diligently to meet the deadline of the animal’s arrival.

Unfortunately, the gnu came early.

The zoo keeper decided to put the gnu in


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What did the hotel keeper tell the guest who was complaining about cockroaches?

"It's not a bug, it's a feature."

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Elephant's Mating Season

A guy applies for a job at the zoo. The head keeper of the zoo said, "Your job will be to clean out the elephant cage. But, I have to warn you it's mating season and they will jump on just about anything." "Don't worry," the guy replied, "I've worked with elephants before."

Half way through his first day he goes running in to the head keep


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What do you call a keeper of goals?

A goalkeeper.

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Synonyms

Spank Bank = Fapper Keeper

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